DEAR ABBY: A trusted and beloved family member who takes care of my cats -- and therefore has a key to my house -- has been stealing things like cleaning supplies, knickknacks, family pictures, etc. Most of them have little monetary value. But imagine my surprise when I spotted some of my missing seashell collection in her fish tank!

Naturally, I can't accuse her of taking things like seashells that anyone can pick up free on the beach, but I select ones with distinct markings, which is why I know they are mine. It's frustrating to run out of toothpaste and find that the spare tube I just bought is missing. It's not like she doesn't have the money to buy her own.

She does so much for me and my kids. Should I just continue to ignore it? -- SEASHELLS BY THE SEASHORE

DEAR S.B.T.S.: Your family member may have a touch of kleptomania -- a compulsion to steal -- or perhaps she takes the items because she feels entitled to "payment" for the favors she does for you.

If you confront her, she will probably deny it. This is not to imply that you must continue putting up with it until she takes something with greater sentimental (or tangible) value. Ask her to return your key "because you have made other arrangements to care for your cats," or change your locks. Then follow through with someone who won't take advantage of your trust.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a big woman (not fat). She's an athlete and quite strong. We both enjoy wrestling. We are evenly matched and do it often.

Many times she'll pin me down with me on my back, shoulders to the ground. Other times, I do the same to her. The loser takes the winner out to dinner. We enjoy it greatly.

Are we crazy? Are we weird? And most of all, are we alone in this activity? -- HAPPY HUSBAND IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAPPY HUSBAND: As long as no one gets hurt, what two consenting adults do is their business. I don't think you are either crazy or weird, nor are you alone in this activity. What you have described as "wrestling" some people call "foreplay."

DEAR ABBY: Can you advise me on how to respond to comments from younger men when I am at dinner or out with friends? I often get "Wow, you are really good looking for an older woman!" which I find vaguely insulting even though they may think it's a compliment. I'm in good shape for my age (48), but my husband agrees it's rude.

I'm at a loss for a snappy comeback and usually so embarrassed that I just turn away and pretend that I didn't hear. Am I overly sensitive? Should I be thanking them? That doesn't feel right. Any witty responses you think would be good? -- SPEECHLESS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SPEECHLESS: A left-handed compliment is one that has two meanings -- one of which is not flattering to the recipient. Because you find it offensive, say, "I may look 'older' to you, but I'm not so old I consider that to be a compliment."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old woman in college who still lives with my parents. I found out something several weeks ago that's bothering me, and I need advice badly.

Years ago, after a robbery, my parents installed security cameras outside our house. I knew about them because they were visible. But apparently some were installed that I knew nothing about.

I have done things while alone to help control certain feelings, and I have also walked around without much on when my parents were away and never thought anything about it. Ever since I found out, I have been freaking out.

I don't want to make a big deal about it because I'm afraid if my parents didn't look at anything before, then they will now. I want to know if they have seen what I was doing. Part of me says to ignore this because they're family -- so who cares. My parents have never said anything about seeing me.

We're Catholics, and I have heard the lecture about avoiding self-gratification ever since I can remember. I'm very careful about what I do now, but I am still bothered. Should I just forget and move on, or should I ask? -- POSSIBLY PARANOID

DEAR POSSIBLY PARANOID: If your parents had been viewing the security footage and felt you were doing something wrong, you would have heard about it from them by now. What you need to know is that masturbation is normal. It is not depraved, a crime or harmful to your health. All normal boys and girls (and some adults, too) practice this natural type of sexual gratification. (If it makes you feel guilty because you have been told it's "wrong," then stop doing it.) Now, forget about it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay male and my boyfriend of three years just confessed to me that he's been cheating on me for the better part of our relationship. We went to counseling in an attempt to repair the damage that was done, and to see if I could regain any of the trust that I once had in him. During our counseling session he told me that he was sleeping with his stepbrother. I had forgiven him prior to this disclosure and thought I could move past it, but I'm no longer sure I can.

Before he told me about the cheating, I had bought an engagement ring for him and was nearly finished paying for it. Now I am unsure if I want to pay it off because I am so appalled about what has transpired. On the other hand, I'm afraid it will affect my credit history if I don't. What would you do if you were in my position? -- CAN'T MOVE PAST IT

DEAR CAN'T MOVE PAST IT: A partner who would cheat on you for that length of time has a character deficiency and will probably do it again. If I were in your position, I'd end the relationship, finish paying for the ring and then cut my losses by selling it. That way, all of the payments you have made won't go down the tubes, and your credit rating will be intact.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old, twice divorced, hard-working, middle-class female. I spend most of my time working and involved with my three adult children. About a year ago I started dating someone. He is 63, very helpful and claims he's madly in love with me and appreciates this opportunity for a normal, wholesome life.

Occasionally I'll catch him staring at women's butts. It bothers me a bit, but oh well, he's a man. Last week our family went camping. At least a dozen times I saw him position himself so that he could stare at my 40-year-old daughter's behind. Keep in mind, my daughter dresses VERY conservatively, and this trip was almost all jeans and T-shirts.

As we were packed up and ready to head home, she said she had to relieve herself and headed into the bushes (this is a remote campground). Instead of my boyfriend looking the other way as we all did, he stared and gawked in her direction obviously trying to sneak a peek!

Abby, I am devastated and disgusted. Please give me your take on this. -- NORMAL OR NOT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NORMAL: For a man to look at women's body parts is normal, but what your boyfriend did goes beyond that. For him to try to sneak a peek at your daughter while she relieved herself indicates that he is a voyeur. Now you must determine whether he just takes advantage of an opportunity or he actively seeks it out, which could present a problem in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is a 29-year-old new mother. I know times have changed since I was a new mom, but the restrictions my daughter has put on visiting her and my new grandson are unrealistic.

Since his birth three weeks ago, I have seen him only once -- at the hospital. She has taken him on two outings: one where there were 10 people and another where there were more than 100. (My grandson has not yet received any of his childhood vaccinations.)

My daughter now says that when I visit, I must change into freshly washed clothes before entering her house. She's afraid that the secondhand smoke will harm him.

I'm not unintelligent. I have bought disinfectants to spray on myself, as well as breath strips. I also wash my hands, arms and face before I hold him. Am I unrealistic in thinking she's asking too much, or should I say something to her and let her know how much she has hurt me? -- CRYING DAY AND NIGHT

DEAR CRYING: I do think you should talk to your daughter. What she may be trying to do is encourage you to quit smoking. I doubt that she's doing it to be hurtful.

Her motivation may be that she knows how unhealthy smoking is and would like you to be around until your grandchild is well into adulthood. The odds of that happening will be higher if you can find a way to give up tobacco. And when you do, consider putting all the money you save -- and it will be plenty -- into an education fund for your grandson.