DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old woman in college who still lives with my parents. I found out something several weeks ago that's bothering me, and I need advice badly.

Years ago, after a robbery, my parents installed security cameras outside our house. I knew about them because they were visible. But apparently some were installed that I knew nothing about.

I have done things while alone to help control certain feelings, and I have also walked around without much on when my parents were away and never thought anything about it. Ever since I found out, I have been freaking out.

I don't want to make a big deal about it because I'm afraid if my parents didn't look at anything before, then they will now. I want to know if they have seen what I was doing. Part of me says to ignore this because they're family -- so who cares. My parents have never said anything about seeing me.

We're Catholics, and I have heard the lecture about avoiding self-gratification ever since I can remember. I'm very careful about what I do now, but I am still bothered. Should I just forget and move on, or should I ask? -- POSSIBLY PARANOID

DEAR POSSIBLY PARANOID: If your parents had been viewing the security footage and felt you were doing something wrong, you would have heard about it from them by now. What you need to know is that masturbation is normal. It is not depraved, a crime or harmful to your health. All normal boys and girls (and some adults, too) practice this natural type of sexual gratification. (If it makes you feel guilty because you have been told it's "wrong," then stop doing it.) Now, forget about it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay male and my boyfriend of three years just confessed to me that he's been cheating on me for the better part of our relationship. We went to counseling in an attempt to repair the damage that was done, and to see if I could regain any of the trust that I once had in him. During our counseling session he told me that he was sleeping with his stepbrother. I had forgiven him prior to this disclosure and thought I could move past it, but I'm no longer sure I can.

Before he told me about the cheating, I had bought an engagement ring for him and was nearly finished paying for it. Now I am unsure if I want to pay it off because I am so appalled about what has transpired. On the other hand, I'm afraid it will affect my credit history if I don't. What would you do if you were in my position? -- CAN'T MOVE PAST IT

DEAR CAN'T MOVE PAST IT: A partner who would cheat on you for that length of time has a character deficiency and will probably do it again. If I were in your position, I'd end the relationship, finish paying for the ring and then cut my losses by selling it. That way, all of the payments you have made won't go down the tubes, and your credit rating will be intact.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old, twice divorced, hard-working, middle-class female. I spend most of my time working and involved with my three adult children. About a year ago I started dating someone. He is 63, very helpful and claims he's madly in love with me and appreciates this opportunity for a normal, wholesome life.

Occasionally I'll catch him staring at women's butts. It bothers me a bit, but oh well, he's a man. Last week our family went camping. At least a dozen times I saw him position himself so that he could stare at my 40-year-old daughter's behind. Keep in mind, my daughter dresses VERY conservatively, and this trip was almost all jeans and T-shirts.

As we were packed up and ready to head home, she said she had to relieve herself and headed into the bushes (this is a remote campground). Instead of my boyfriend looking the other way as we all did, he stared and gawked in her direction obviously trying to sneak a peek!

Abby, I am devastated and disgusted. Please give me your take on this. -- NORMAL OR NOT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NORMAL: For a man to look at women's body parts is normal, but what your boyfriend did goes beyond that. For him to try to sneak a peek at your daughter while she relieved herself indicates that he is a voyeur. Now you must determine whether he just takes advantage of an opportunity or he actively seeks it out, which could present a problem in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is a 29-year-old new mother. I know times have changed since I was a new mom, but the restrictions my daughter has put on visiting her and my new grandson are unrealistic.

Since his birth three weeks ago, I have seen him only once -- at the hospital. She has taken him on two outings: one where there were 10 people and another where there were more than 100. (My grandson has not yet received any of his childhood vaccinations.)

My daughter now says that when I visit, I must change into freshly washed clothes before entering her house. She's afraid that the secondhand smoke will harm him.

I'm not unintelligent. I have bought disinfectants to spray on myself, as well as breath strips. I also wash my hands, arms and face before I hold him. Am I unrealistic in thinking she's asking too much, or should I say something to her and let her know how much she has hurt me? -- CRYING DAY AND NIGHT

DEAR CRYING: I do think you should talk to your daughter. What she may be trying to do is encourage you to quit smoking. I doubt that she's doing it to be hurtful.

Her motivation may be that she knows how unhealthy smoking is and would like you to be around until your grandchild is well into adulthood. The odds of that happening will be higher if you can find a way to give up tobacco. And when you do, consider putting all the money you save -- and it will be plenty -- into an education fund for your grandson.

DEAR ABBY: I am 32 and getting married in a year. My biological father lives in Spain and has never been to the U.S. My mother met him when she was teaching English there. I was born in the states and never knew or spoke to my dad growing up. When I was 5, I was adopted by my mom's then-husband.

At 20, while studying in Spain, I located my father and his wife. We maintain a good relationship, but I haven't been back there, and he has never met my family.

Mom harbors a lot of resentment toward my father. She tells me he took no interest in me as a baby and never sent any money or letters. She gets emotional when he is brought up in conversation. He doesn't feel this way toward her. When I mentioned to Mom that I plan to invite him and his wife to the wedding, she got upset. She told me I have no business inviting him and that she doesn't want to see him.

I do not share my mother's resentment. I don't want my father to feel excluded. I worry about Mom's feelings and about my father's first U.S. trip being during the wedding when I will surely be distracted with lots of things. Please advise. -- BRIDE TORN IN TWO IN NEBRASKA

DEAR BRIDE: Your father may have no hard feelings toward your mother because it appears he accepted no emotional or financial responsibility at the time you were conceived. If he knew she was pregnant and offered no help, then all of that fell on her shoulders.

It's appropriate you are worried about your mother's feelings, because you should be. If you want a relationship with your father, no one can prevent you. However, if he hasn't "earned" the right to be at your wedding and if you have any sensitivity at all to your mother's feelings, entertain him in the U.S. at a later date when he can have your full attention. (I hesitate to say "the attention he deserves" because I'm not sure he deserves any.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 56 and still don't know what I want to do with my life. I have no real talents or passions. I have 1,000 interests and hobbies, none of which would ever develop into a career. I have worked whatever job I could get to pay the bills (more or less), but they have all been near minimum wage, so 10 years from retirement, I have no savings.

I got to the point I was so miserable at my last job that I quit without having another one waiting for me, so I'll probably end up taking whatever dead-end job I can get just to get a paycheck. How can I convince potential employers I can do something different when I don't believe it myself? -- DIANE IN CANTON, ILL.

DEAR DIANE: Your problem is you have lost faith in yourself. If you have had "1,000 interests and hobbies," I'm betting you are proficient in at least half of them, which means you do have a wealth of varied experiences to offer some lucky employer. Please keep that in mind the next time you go for an interview, because as long as you have the determination, it is never too late.