DEAR ABBY: I'm frustrated about how to connect with my young adult son's 18-year-old girlfriend. He told me she has a bad relationship with her divorced parents, so he's hoping we can bond.

A problem that comes up frequently is, she's so anxious to show me how skilled and knowledgeable she is, she misses any tips and techniques I try to subtly teach her. They live together in another state, so our weekend visits at each other's homes seem to amplify the problem.

I'll give you an example: When I removed ice cubes from an ice tray, I ran water over the bottom briefly before twisting the tray. She laughed like I was clueless and said, "You don't have to do that, just twist the tray!" I replied that the water helped release the cubes more cleanly "because of the physics of the warmer water." She teared up, left the room and told my son (who repeated it to me) that I was being critical of her.

I have expressed appreciation for her, and my son has reassured her of my intentions, but I'm getting tired of tiptoeing around her issues. How can I help her understand that she can learn from me without it meaning that I think any less of her? -- ON EGGSHELLS IN MONTANA

DEAR ON EGGSHELLS: It might be a good idea to quit trying to mother or teach this young woman anything unless you are specifically asked, because it appears she's not interested in learning from you.

From where I sit, you not only were not critical of her, but the opposite was true of what happened in that kitchen. If she hadn't laughed at you -- ridiculed you -- for the way you emptied the ice tray, you wouldn't have felt it necessary to explain your technique. So take a step back and stop trying to help her, because it's obviously not appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I have new downstairs neighbors. While they appear to be pleasant in most circumstances, I cannot ignore the fact that the wife cries inconsolably in their bedroom three or four times a week, late at night. I never hear any yelling or disruption that leads up to this, just loud sobbing in the bedroom that keeps me up several times a week. I don't think she's being abused, but I do think she might be depressed.

Can you think of any kind way to send her to my therapist up the street for some help? Stick a business card in their door anonymously? Bring it up more directly? -- UP ALL NIGHT IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR UP ALL NIGHT: Talk privately with the woman and tell her you are concerned about her because you have heard her crying. Do not ask her why, but if she volunteers, listen to what she has to say. She may need a grief support group or, as you suggested, a therapist. If either of those is the case, you should suggest it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 50s, disabled and live with my elderly mother. Between the ages of 8 and 11 I was sexually abused by my adoptive father. My mother finally caught him in the act, but the next day they acted like nothing had happened. He never did it again, and it was never spoken about, ever.

I have read about women who caught their husbands abusing their children and kicked them out, pressed charges, etc. It makes me think I didn't matter enough for her to do that. I confronted her about it a few years ago. Her response was that it would have been in all the papers (my parents were prominent local musicians in our town), and there was no way she could have raised two kids on her own.

I still have a deep ache in my soul that tells me that I don't matter as much as other human beings. I resist going to therapy because I live with her and I know she will quiz me about what we talked about in the sessions. I just want to keep the peace and not risk her going into a tirade about how she "did what she had to do." I don't know what to do. Please help. -- STILL HURTING IN NEVADA

DEAR STILL HURTING: You should absolutely talk about this to a therapist. If your mother demands to know what you're discussing, tell her. If she unleashes a tirade, invite her to accompany you to a session so she can explain to your therapist that she didn't kick her child-molesting husband out because she was afraid she couldn't support herself and two children alone. (Was your sibling also assaulted?)

You and your mom are both adults. You should be able to have a frank discussion without her intimidating you with her anger. If anyone has a right to be angry, it is you. And she should clearly understand how her inaction affected you for all these years, and possibly your sibling, as well.

DEAR ABBY: I never used to be a supporter of same-sex marriage. During the 2008 presidential elections, I posted my opinions about it on social media. Since then, I have changed my mind. The most significant reason is that I worked closely with a gay woman for four years. After I got to know her, her wife and two children, I realized they are the same as any other happy family.

I feel I may have offended some friends when I posted those views -- specifically, my best friend from childhood, who has come out as gay. I'd like to send her a message letting her know my opinion has changed and that I support her. Do you think I should reach out to her, or leave the past in the past? And if I do, what should I say? -- ADDING MY VOICE FOR EQUALITY

DEAR ADDING: By all means reach out. I congratulate you for becoming more aware of and compassionate about LGBT issues in the last few years.

Tell your friend about your change of heart since those posts were written, that you hope her life is happy and fulfilling, and offer an apology if you caused her any hurt. If you would like to explain why your feelings changed, do that, too. I'm sure she will be interested, and glad to know.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 10 years. We were married six months ago. Before the wedding, we had some breakups. During one of them, he dated another woman briefly. The encounter led to her becoming pregnant, and she gave birth to a boy who is now a year old. I learned about her and her pregnancy five months before our wedding, but we have been able to work through it with intense counseling.

Last week, I received a Facebook message from a woman who advised me that my husband had approached her at the gym and said he was single, so they went on a date. After our wedding he stopped seeing her, but continued contacting her. She figured something was up, and found pictures of me and my husband on Facebook. When she told him she knew he was married, he stopped calling and texting. She said she knew him for only a week and didn't have sex with him.

When I confronted him, he said he had made a "mistake." He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. He said he no longer sees her, but how can I ever trust him again? Please tell me what to do. -- THE NEW MRS. IN KANSAS

DEAR NEW MRS.: After what happened, I don't blame you for distrusting your husband. He had every intention of starting a sexual relationship with the woman at the gym, and would have if she hadn't researched him.

The man you married appears to have a serious character defect. It's up to you to decide if you are willing to tolerate another "lapse," should it occur. Some women are willing to stay married to a womanizer, but others don't want to put up with the pain. I can't decide that for you, but some sessions with a psychologist may help you make a well-thought-out decision.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a girl in my early teens. Recently I attended a family gathering at my grandparents' home. While I was upstairs alone, my 14-year-old cousin "Jared" asked to see my boobs. When I told him no, he immediately made me promise not to tell anyone. I'm afraid of Jared now and I need help. What should I do? -- FREAKED OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR FREAKED OUT: Some promises are supposed to be kept. Others can be dangerous. It is important to know the difference. What you should do is tell your mother what happened. Jared's parents need to be aware so they can talk with him about appropriate behavior because his wasn't, and he could land in serious trouble if he doesn't learn about boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my mother divorced her second husband (not my father). It was ugly. She has been down in the dumps, and I'm doing my best to console her. She wants to get rid of his last name, which is understandable, but she wants to change it to MY married last name, so "we'll all have the same family name."

I think it's kind of sweet. My husband doesn't mind. A few family members think this is crazy. What say you, Abby? -- LISA IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LISA: Although it's unusual, if you and your husband have no objection, I think the other family members should stay out of it.