DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 10 years. We were married six months ago. Before the wedding, we had some breakups. During one of them, he dated another woman briefly. The encounter led to her becoming pregnant, and she gave birth to a boy who is now a year old. I learned about her and her pregnancy five months before our wedding, but we have been able to work through it with intense counseling.

Last week, I received a Facebook message from a woman who advised me that my husband had approached her at the gym and said he was single, so they went on a date. After our wedding he stopped seeing her, but continued contacting her. She figured something was up, and found pictures of me and my husband on Facebook. When she told him she knew he was married, he stopped calling and texting. She said she knew him for only a week and didn't have sex with him.

When I confronted him, he said he had made a "mistake." He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. He said he no longer sees her, but how can I ever trust him again? Please tell me what to do. -- THE NEW MRS. IN KANSAS

DEAR NEW MRS.: After what happened, I don't blame you for distrusting your husband. He had every intention of starting a sexual relationship with the woman at the gym, and would have if she hadn't researched him.

The man you married appears to have a serious character defect. It's up to you to decide if you are willing to tolerate another "lapse," should it occur. Some women are willing to stay married to a womanizer, but others don't want to put up with the pain. I can't decide that for you, but some sessions with a psychologist may help you make a well-thought-out decision.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a girl in my early teens. Recently I attended a family gathering at my grandparents' home. While I was upstairs alone, my 14-year-old cousin "Jared" asked to see my boobs. When I told him no, he immediately made me promise not to tell anyone. I'm afraid of Jared now and I need help. What should I do? -- FREAKED OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR FREAKED OUT: Some promises are supposed to be kept. Others can be dangerous. It is important to know the difference. What you should do is tell your mother what happened. Jared's parents need to be aware so they can talk with him about appropriate behavior because his wasn't, and he could land in serious trouble if he doesn't learn about boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my mother divorced her second husband (not my father). It was ugly. She has been down in the dumps, and I'm doing my best to console her. She wants to get rid of his last name, which is understandable, but she wants to change it to MY married last name, so "we'll all have the same family name."

I think it's kind of sweet. My husband doesn't mind. A few family members think this is crazy. What say you, Abby? -- LISA IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LISA: Although it's unusual, if you and your husband have no objection, I think the other family members should stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: "Concerned in Massachusetts" (Feb. 20) used her status as a hospital employee to access her husband's medical records and found a history of STDs. I'm a registered nurse with 40 years' experience. Every healthcare organization I know of teaches all their employees about HIPAA violations and that accessing private patient medical information is a criminal offense. It is essential that patients know they can trust us to protect their privacy. We have specific policies against using one's employee status to access a relative's medical information.

"Concerned" is lucky she still has a job. At my institution, she would be terminated for violating organizational policy and federal law. She wouldn't have to worry about how to broach the subject with her husband; she'd be explaining why she was fired. He may not be a saint, but neither is she. Her actions were unacceptable and reflect a clear lack of integrity and honesty. -- SAFEGUARDING THE RIGHT TO PRIVACY

DEAR SAFEGUARDING: Thank you for your informed response. You are not the only reader who was appalled at what "Concerned" had done. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Like "Concerned's" husband, I, too, am labeled as high risk for STDs based on a medical survey I completed, although I have had a monogamous 30-year marriage and do not do drugs of any kind. In that survey, they asked how many partners I had in my lifetime. Those few other partners were before I met my wife.

"Concerned" indicated that her husband had been treated twice for STDs "some years back." What does that mean? Were they married then? If not, is he labeled high risk due to his previous behavior? Perhaps there is something deeper in the relationship that needs addressing -- such as why there are weeks between sexual contact with her husband.

It's ironic that she's bent out of shape over infidelity concerns, but thinks it acceptable to betray the privacy and ethics rules governing medical professionals. -- VINCENT IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: "Young at Heart in Texas" (Feb. 9) could have written my story. I am also a 70-year-old man who is sexually dysfunctional. I, too, was lonely, having outlived two of my brides. However, I did find someone who appreciates holding hands and whispering sweet words without more physical contact.

Abby, you said: "Not only do I think you can (find companionship), I suspect you may need police protection to control the crowd of applicants. Years ago, my aunt, the late Ann Landers, polled her female readers asking if they would prefer 'holding and cuddling' to actually doing 'the deed.' The majority of them answered in the affirmative."

My first wife died of a heart attack after 30 years of marriage. My second wife died after eight years of marriage, of kidney cancer. At 71, I married my third wife, a wonderful woman just as you both describe. She was my next-door neighbor. We have been married three years and nine months. (The Bible says, "Love thy neighbor," so I married her!) We also enjoy cuddling, even without doing "the deed."

So I say to "Young at Heart in Texas": YES, you can find a woman such as you and Abby describe. And when you do, I suggest you rub her back often. Women love it! -- YOUNG AT HEART IN COLORADO

DEAR YOUNG AT HEART: I'm glad your story had a happy ending, and I'm crossing my fingers that "Young at Heart's" will, too. Thanks for writing to encourage him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found a notebook of my mom's. On the outside cover it said, "Disclaimer: Do Not Open Unless You're Me!" Being the curious soul that I am, I opened it despite the disclaimer.

As I flipped through the pages, I learned many things about my mom that I didn't know, like her faith in God and how the things that happened in her life molded her into who she is today. I stopped at the page titled, "The Summer of 10th Grade." As I read it, I learned the truth about how I was conceived. Written in capital letters were the words "I WAS RAPED." It felt like the world had stopped. I had no clue.

I'd always assumed Mom got pregnant at 16 because she made stupid decisions, but I was wrong. I could never imagine how my mom could get through a day without looking at me as a reminder of what happened to her.

Where do I go from here? Should I confront her about it? I have no one to talk to, so I hope you can give me some advice. -- CHILD OF RAPE

DEAR CHILD: I'm glad you wrote, because it gives me an opportunity to point out that if you hadn't been wanted, your mother had other alternatives. If you had no clue, it's because you are the daughter she loves, and I'm sure you have been a source of much joy in her life.

If you feel the need to discuss this with her, then you should. Because she left the notebook in a place where it could be discovered, she may have subconsciously wanted it to be found.

DEAR ABBY: At 24, I am fortunate to have loving, functional relationships with my mother, father, stepmother (of 15 years) and stepsister. I attribute my healthy childhood to the fact that my mom and dad have always acted as best friends when we're together, despite having been separated almost my entire life.

However, lately I have been finding my parents' relationship very inappropriate. They have been hanging out together often without me, and almost certainly without my stepmother's knowledge. I have stumbled upon suggestive texts that imply a flirty relationship, and probably more. I don't know whether these are recent developments or if I have just stopped being naive.

I would never want my stepsister to discover anything about my mom and dad the hard way. I especially don't want to see her hurt by becoming a child of divorce. Would I be overstepping my boundaries if I asked my mom and dad to spend less time together and restrict their relationship to being parents to me and that's all? -- HURT CHILD-WOMAN

DEAR HURT CHILD-WOMAN: If you approach it the way you have written it to me, yes, I think you would offend both of your parents. If you are afraid your stepsister may be hurt if her parents separate, be there to comfort and support her, but do not insert yourself into what may or may not be an explosive minefield. This may be the way your mom and dad have always related to each other, your stepmother may be aware of it, and you could come across as extremely presumptuous.