DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Derek," for four years. After a night of emotion-filled discussion, he asked me to marry him. I said yes, but it has always been a difficult idea for me to wrap my head around. I'm turning 21 and although that may be old enough for some people to get married and have kids, it scares the heck out of me.

I love Derek and I want to marry him one day. He assured me we could stay "engaged" for a few years, but it still makes me uneasy. We don't have a ring yet, and we agreed we wouldn't tell our families until we get one. It doesn't feel real because there's no ring and no one knows -- could that be why I'm so nervous?

I need a second opinion and some advice on whether to wait to tell anyone or tell people now. -- COLD FEET

DEAR COLD FEET: An engagement with no ring and no announcement hardly seems like an engagement at all. That's why you and Derek should rethink making any announcements until you both feel ready to take such a big step. When the time is right, the idea of marriage and children will make you feel happy, not frightened.

Frankly, I think your fears may be well founded because you have had little life experience -- and once the ball starts rolling, stopping it may be complicated. That's why you and Derek should remain in a holding pattern until you are more confident about what you want to do.

DEAR ABBY: Although I am not considered bad looking, I'm not extremely beautiful either. Guys find my friends prettier than me.

For a few years I have been thinking about getting a nose job. My parents say I need to wait for all my facial features to adjust to my growing body to prevent facial disfigurement in the future. I think that's just an excuse. When is the right age to get a nose job? -- ALABAMA TEEN

DEAR TEEN: This is a question that should be answered by your personal physician. You didn't state your age, but I don't think your parents are stalling. According to WebMD, it is very important that before a young person has a nose job the facial bones have reached "adult size." The usual age for girls' noses to mature is 15 or 16. (Interestingly, for boys it is a year or so later.)

DEAR ABBY: My father had a son with a woman while he was dating my mother. Mom made Dad choose between her and his son. He chose Mom, and has had no contact with the boy.

Dad doesn't want to interfere with his now-grown son's life. I, on the other hand, would love to reach out and meet my half-brother. Would it be overstepping boundaries if I do this? -- SOMEONE'S SIBLING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SOMEONE'S SIBLING: I'd be curious to know how you became aware of your half-brother's existence, because I'll bet the topic wasn't discussed in your home. While I might have no objection to you reaching out to your half-sibling -- because I am not emotionally involved -- your mother will feel betrayed and angry. If you decide to move forward, be prepared.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old teacher and graduate student. I have started dating a new man, "Winston," who makes me feel incredible. We have crazy chemistry like I've never had before, and our personalities work perfectly together.

Here's the problem. Winston is a recovering heroin addict with horrible credit and two felony charges related to having stolen money from his parents when he was desperate for drugs.

I know what you're thinking -- I'd be an idiot for dating someone like this, right? But Winston and I have had heartfelt talks and he revealed a troubled upbringing that helped me understand where his addiction came from. He's in a rehab program to try to get his life together.

I've dated a lot of guys. All I've ever wanted is someone who will give me "butterflies" for the rest of my life, and Winston may be the guy. He's attentive, affectionate and loving. He treats me like a princess. I understand his past will cause financial strain. Isn't it more important to have a man who treats me right than one with a lot of earning potential? Please give me some advice. -- DREAM COME TRUE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DREAM: You have been seeing Winston for HOW long? Has he completed his rehab and been able to maintain his sober lifestyle for a long enough time that the chances are it will continue?

Few things are as exciting as infatuation -- every one of our senses is heightened. You say you feel "butterflies," but what if you wind up with only a moth-eaten carpet? This is not to say that Winston isn't a wonderful person -- many former addicts can be. However, I think it's premature for you to consider a future with him until you are sure about his stability.

DEAR ABBY: My widowed 86-year-old mom was living by herself. My unmarried sister, "Anne," has become ill and has moved in with Mom. Anne wanted a dog. At first Mom was against it because they both have cats, but she finally gave in and Anne got a year-old beagle mix from the dog rescue.

I have been afraid of dogs since I was little. My family knows this. Usually, once I get to know a dog I'm OK, and I have had several of my own. But this animal has abandonment and abuse issues. He's very aggressive and barks, growls and lunges at anyone who comes into the house. It makes me afraid, so I have quit visiting and hardly ever drop by.

Mom and Anne have very little control over the dog. I worry that in an emergency -- whether for Mom or Anne --- the EMTs would not be able to get past the animal. What can I do? -- SCARED IN IOWA

DEAR SCARED: Explain to them that not all emergency medical technicians (EMTs) have been formally trained to handle unruly or vicious animals, and precious time might be lost. If your sister or mother wasn't around to control the dog and the EMTs were unable to lure it to another room, animal control would have to be summoned or a neighbor found who could assist, and the consequences could be serious. Then cross your fingers that nothing bad happens.

DEAR ABBY: Do you have any information or advice on how to talk to my 12-year-old stepdaughter about sex? I have a pretty good idea about where to take the conversation. I don't plan to make it a big deal -- not so serious as to scare her, but not too lighthearted either. You never know what kids are saying about it in school these days. I want her to know the door is always open should she need to talk. (My mother did that with me, which I appreciated.)

If you have any pointers or reading material suited for her age, that would be great. -- STEPMOM IN TEXAS

DEAR STEPMOM: I'm glad you are opening up the subject because "the talk" with your stepdaughter should have started long ago as part of an ongoing discussion. For a variety of reasons, young people today mature much earlier than they did years ago. She should be told that, if they haven't already started, the changes that will take place in her body are normal and nothing to fear.

As for reading material, my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know" can help you to start that conversation. It has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussions by educators and religious leaders, as well as parents who find it hard to discuss these topics with their children. You can order one by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You should review it before starting the conversation so you will be prepared in advance to answer her questions. The more information you can give her, the better prepared she will be to make intelligent decisions in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old, well-educated woman, engaged to a wonderful man. Although we don't plan to wed for another couple of years, I have a question on my mind. Neither of us is traditional or religious. What should I do about my name?

My fiance would be honored if I took his name, but wouldn't be insulted or hurt if I didn't. For a long time I had thought that hyphenating would be an appropriate solution, but the more I consider it, a long double name on everything I will have to sign might become an inconvenience. I don't dislike his last name or have strong feelings against taking it, but I like the name I have now. Part of me likes the idea of always carrying it.

Since children are not going to be part of the equation, there's no risk of confusing them or their teachers. What do other young couples do? I would love an outside perspective. -- NAME GAME IN KANSAS

DEAR NAME GAME: It is no longer unusual for women to retain their maiden names after marriage. Many choose to do it because they have become established/successful in their careers, others because they want to maintain their identity as an individual.

Some women solve the problem by using their husband's name legally and retaining their maiden name professionally. Others use their maiden name as a middle name and their husband's last name. Please don't worry about this; you have time to make your final decision.