DEAR ABBY: I moved away from my hometown 18 years ago. At the time, a friend of mine had found out she was HIV-positive. Thankfully, healthwise she's doing well. To look at her you would never know.

We have reconnected, but I have recently learned that she had several relationships in the past and didn't reveal that she was HIV-positive or use protection. She says she "loves" these men, their families and their children. It makes me sick that she's killing them.

Someone called her doctor and he talked to her about it, but she lied and said that she had told them. These men have no idea! What can be done so she quits spreading this disease? -- SHE'S KILLING THEM IN INDIANA

DEAR S.K.T.: I ran your letter by an old and trusted friend, Dr. Mervyn Silverman, former director of health in San Francisco. He asked me to reassure you that if your friend has been under treatment for HIV, her chances of passing it on are far less than they were years ago. He also mentioned that if these men's wives had contracted HIV from their husbands and become pregnant, that their disease would very likely have been discovered.

You need to talk to your friend and explain that this is both a health issue and one of morality. If she's continuing to have unprotected sex with her partners, there is still some potential risk that she could pass along the virus. So if she truly loves anyone but herself, she will get with the program and be honest about her health status.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of two wonderful daughters. I have a fantastic boyfriend, "Roy," who I met when I was pregnant with my second. We have been together for six months and I love him very much.

Unfortunately, he has become mildly controlling and critical. Roy has no children of his own, and he doesn't seem to realize what goes into working, raising children and running a household. Recently, he gave me a promise ring, which I accepted. He's great with the girls and he makes me happy.

My father, however, says that the controlling behavior will only get worse down the road. I think it's because Roy was laid off from work and is having a hard time finding a job. I'm sure once he's working he'll be less focused on me. Who's right, me or my father? -- MOM OF TWO IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR MOM OF TWO: When a couple has been together for only six months, they are usually still in what is referred to as the "honeymoon phase." Has Roy been jobless since you met him? If the layoff is recent, then his change in behavior may be related to his frustration at not being able to find another job.

However, your father not only has a point, he also has more experience than you do. Pay attention to what he's telling you. If Roy becomes increasingly controlling and critical, you'll know your father was right, and you should return that promise ring. So take your time and please don't rush!

DEAR ABBY: I have been a divorcee for 12 years. I haven't dated in more than a decade. I know a man who was widowed a couple of months ago. His wife died in her sleep. I have always been interested in him. When would it be appropriate to approach him? -- INTERESTED IN CHICAGO

DEAR INTERESTED: If I were you, I'd get in line NOW.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Blake," recently broke up with me -- again. He told me in the beginning that he was bi-curious, and that he wasn't sure he was completely heterosexual. When he broke up with me the first time, we stayed friends. Everyone seemed confused that I still wanted to hang out with him.

We started communicating long-distance again last summer. Blake broke it off again a few months later, stating that he is still questioning who he is.

Is it wrong that we're still friendly? Should I be angrier at Blake? -- STILL THERE FOR HIM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STILL THERE FOR HIM: I don't see why you should be angry with Blake at all. He has been honest with you from the start that he may be bisexual or gay. I can tell you from experience that gay men make wonderful friends. However, if you are romantic about him, I must caution you against trying to change him because you won't be able to do it. He is who he is.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like your opinion on something that is creating a rift between me and my sister. My 6-year-old daughter, "Mara," who is very sweet and mature, is used to spending the night away from me because she has been spending weekends with her grandparents since she was little. Now she wants to have overnights with "Uncle Bob," who is not a blood relative but a good friend who is like family.

I have no concerns about this even though Bob is a bachelor who never had children. Mara loves him, he loves her, and I trust him. My sister, who is childless, feels strongly that this is not right. She thinks a 6-year-old should only be with her parents and grandparents. She tells me I should ask a psychologist. I am asking you. -- TRUSTING MOM IN MISSOURI

DEAR TRUSTING MOM: I'd be curious to know what Mara's father thinks of this. But since you asked me, let me point out that your little girl may be sweet and mature for her age, but at 6 years old she is also inexperienced, trusting and vulnerable. Because she loves Uncle Bob, I can understand why she might want to stay overnight at his house. In 99 percent of the cases it would be OK. But in light of what we see in the news, it's your job as a mother to err on the side of caution, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband have successful careers, and I am happy for that. But now it seems that she's ashamed of us. We gave her the best we could and she graduated from college with no debt, thanks to us. We felt it was our responsibility.

Now that they earn lots of money, it's like we're not worthy of their company. I have talked to other mothers, and it seems they are treated the same way. (I would say it's probably seven out of nine parents.) I know they have busy lives, but I would like some consideration if I am sick or have surgery. Where did I go wrong? -- ANONYMOUS MOM IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANONYMOUS MOM: Not knowing you and your friends or their children, it's hard to say, but if I had to hazard a guess it would be that you gave too much and raised children who grew up with an overinflated sense of entitlement and no sense of gratitude.

DEAR ABBY: My son had an affair that resulted in the birth of a child outside his marriage. The baby is extremely ill. My daughter-in-law has forgiven my son for his infidelity, and along with my two grandchildren, the little family is trying to rebuild and also do right by the baby.

The baby's mother stays in contact with us, although she is bitter and unpleasant to my son because he would not leave his family for her. However, she does keep us abreast of the baby's ongoing medical condition and needs. She confided to me that she got pregnant hoping that my son would finally leave his family.

My question is: How do I handle the relationship we have been forced into with the baby's mother? I need moral guidance, and some kind of etiquette guidance as well. -- MORAL DILEMMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR M.D.: Don't blame the woman for feeling bitter. Her attempt to force your son into leaving his family failed, and she's now responsible for a very sick child. However, that doesn't change the fact that the baby is your grandchild, and she is your grandchild's mother. Treat her with kindness. Don't make things more difficult than they are by being hostile or judgmental. She's paying for this affair and will for many years to come. Remember always that she is manipulative, but treat her with compassion.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend I've known for 35 years. I was there for her during some rough times when we were both living paycheck-to-paycheck. Long story short, she's now married to a millionaire, and every time we get together, she insists on picking up the check.

Truthfully, I suppose it makes no sense for me to pay. I get that. Fifty dollars to me is like 50 cents to her. But the last thing I want is for her to feel I'm taking advantage or taking her for granted. Once I did grab the dinner tab, and she really let me have it!

Am I overthinking this? Should I just accept her good fortune and generosity? -- VALUES FRIENDSHIP IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR VALUES FRIENDSHIP: It appears your friend also values friendship and appreciates how precious long-term relationships are. The two of you have a lot of shared history, and that kind of friendship isn't easy to replicate.

I do think you should accept her generosity, but I also think you should share your feelings with her so she can put your mind at ease. If it will make you feel less indebted, consider giving her an occasional gift. It doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful.

DEAR ABBY: What are the best words to use when you realize the psychotherapist you recently began therapy with isn't the right one for you? Should the words be said in person, over the phone in his voicemail or in writing? I want to get this over with as soon as possible and start looking for someone who may better suit me and my issues. -- LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT ONE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOOKING: The words are, "This isn't working for me, and I won't be coming back." Be sure to tell the person why. Your message can be conveyed face-to-face, left as a phone message or be put in writing. The choice is yours.