DEAR ABBY: I have been with "Tom" for two years, and I suspect that he will be proposing soon. He is 27 and I'm 24. Here's the problem: He wants our parents to meet before he asks.

Abby, I have put this off because I'm sure they will have nothing in common. My parents are small-business owners and conservative. His parents are pot-smoking swingers -- literally.

How do I prepare my parents (and myself) for what I expect to be a tense and uncomfortable meeting? Should I suggest talking points? Should I fill my parents in on what is to come? I want this to go as smoothly as possible. I would appreciate any wisdom you may have. -- NO WORDS ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR NO WORDS: Your dilemma reminds me of the plot from the movie "Meet the Fockers."

I'm sure the one thing your parents will have in common is a desire for you and your boyfriend to be happy together. Building on that, you and Tom should talk to your folks and prepare them for the encounter. Trying to hide or minimize their differences would do no good because they will soon become obvious. Do not waste your time or energy preparing "talking points" for Tom's parents, because if they show up stoned, they probably wouldn't be able to remember them.

DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my sister "Diane" said she would like to get the family together for some professional family photos. The photographer she chose was available only on one particular day. Unfortunately, my husband couldn't get off from work that day.

Diane then suggested we take the pictures without him. I said it was inappropriate and refused. When I asked if we could use a different photographer at another time, my sister told me to forget the whole thing.

Today I was visiting my parents and I saw the family photos -- taken without me, my husband and our child. I had no idea they had gone ahead and taken the pictures without us. I am angry and hurt. I'm especially mad at my mom because she knew how bothered I was that Diane suggested excluding my husband.

Am I justified in feeling this way? Should they have waited until the whole family was able to get together? Or should I suck it up and not expect everyone to accommodate my husband's work schedule? -- OUT OF THE PICTURE IN HOUSTON

DEAR OUT OF THE PICTURE: Yes, yes and yes.

DEAR ABBY: Until my daughter was 18, we did all the traditional birthday celebrations. On her 18th birthday, she turned the tables saying, although she was born on that day, I had done all the work of giving her life.

Now, at her request, we spend her special day celebrating each other. She takes me to dinner and buys me flowers, and I let her. And now on my special day, I do the same for my own mother.

This has become a tradition, and my grandchildren now follow it. The only gift necessary is the time we give each other. -- APPRECIATED IN IDAHO

DEAR APPRECIATED: I like your daughter's idea very much. It makes perfect sense to me. In my opinion, what makes any holiday special is the time people who care about one another spend celebrating together.

DEAR READERS: On May 5, I printed a letter from a parent, "Against the Tide in New Jersey." He said his "independent, intelligent, loving" daughters (both in their late 20s) have dated their boyfriends for five years and had recently moved in with them. The man also said he and his wife approve of the young men.

One daughter is planning to have an open house and invited her parents. The writer said his daughter is upset because he and his wife refuse to attend because cohabitation is against their beliefs. He said he and his wife "understand her decision," but their daughter doesn't appear to respect theirs. He asked, "Are we wrong?"

I responded yes, because it's no longer unusual for couples to cohabit before marriage. I asked how long they plan to continue punishing the daughter and said I don't think they have anything to gain by doing so. Thousands of angry readers wrote to comment. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Cohabitation is NOT a substitute for matrimony. I realize it is "not unusual for couples today to live together." However, you must certainly be aware that many religious people regard doing so as a sin against God. Should the parents compromise their beliefs to attend, simply because their daughter's relationship is "progressing nicely"? Why do you feel that standing up for their beliefs is "punishing" their daughter and her live-in? I wish you would address this again. -- DIANNE IN LUBBOCK, TEXAS

DEAR DIANNE: I try to deal with things as they are, and not as some people think they ought to be. Today many couples have chosen to live together before marriage. Some are trying to avoid the unhappiness they saw in their parents' marriages. Others realize that you don't really know someone until you have lived with him or her. Divorce is messy, not to mention expensive on many levels, and they want to avoid the pain if possible -- although few separations are painless.

I believe that parents should choose their battles carefully after their children become adults. What these parents are doing may eventually isolate them from their daughters. Acting as they are, there may be other happy occasions they'll be skipping. This one is just the first.

DEAR ABBY: If the letter writer and his wife accept an invitation to someone's house, do they check first to make sure their hosts share their "values," that they vote the same way, are against gay marriage, have the same religious beliefs? If they don't take that same care with everyone they know, they are being unfair to their daughters.

For five years they were apparently comfortable with the daughters living at home or in their own apartments and having sex with their boyfriends on the sly. Now that the young women are honestly acknowledging the sexual relationship and formalizing it by living together openly, suddenly there's a problem. There's a stench of hypocrisy here. -- ONLINE DEAR ABBY READER

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. He recently mentioned that when he was younger (19), he had a threesome (two guys, one girl).

We are both over 35, so I realize this happened many years ago, but the fact that it was two guys is hard for me. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I keep seeing the images.

I try to tell myself my boyfriend is a different man today than the teen he was. I don't understand why it's bothering me so much. How can I find a way to get past this? Please give me some direction. -- CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD

DEAR CAN'T: I respect your boyfriend's honesty and openness. Because you can't get this out of your head, talk further with him about his youthful escapade. If your concern is that your boyfriend is interested in having sex with other men, ask him that question. It occurs to me that when two horny teenage boys found one willing girl, that they may not have been as interested in having sex with each other as they were with her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a tattooed female in my late 20s. When I started a job as a cook in an assisted-living facility a year ago, I was required to go through an orientation and the dress code was explained. When I asked about visible tattoos, the lady who ran the orientation was unsure if they were allowed to show and told me to ask my manager. My manager said she didn't know, but suggested I cover them anyway "just to be safe."

Since then, I have worn long-sleeved polo shirts with the sleeves rolled up. No one has commented about the sleeves. Since I went through that orientation, two girls have been hired who have ink on their arms. They wear short sleeves every day.

I'm wondering if I should just show up in short sleeves and risk someone saying something, email corporate and ask what the policy is, or ask our new executive director? Any thoughts? -- TO COVER OR NOT TO COVER

DEAR T.C.O.N.T.C.: While displaying your tats may not be a problem considering that two other employees are showing theirs, your new executive director should be able to give you a definite answer to your question. And while you're at it, suggest that because there are now three employees with tattoos, the policy should be clearly stated in the employee handbook, which may be due for an update.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Brett," mistakenly used the dog's toothbrush from the bathroom cabinet. I had it in there with a bowl of homemade doggie toothpaste that I was trying on the dog. I didn't realize it until just now. Should I tell him? -- QUIET SO FAR IN VERMONT

DEAR QUIET SO FAR: If I were you, I'd open my mouth and "SPEAK!" before your husband does it again. If he's grossed out, it will be no more so than the rest of us who read your letter. From now on, keep Rover's toothbrush in a different location.