DEAR READERS: On May 5, I printed a letter from a parent, "Against the Tide in New Jersey." He said his "independent, intelligent, loving" daughters (both in their late 20s) have dated their boyfriends for five years and had recently moved in with them. The man also said he and his wife approve of the young men.

One daughter is planning to have an open house and invited her parents. The writer said his daughter is upset because he and his wife refuse to attend because cohabitation is against their beliefs. He said he and his wife "understand her decision," but their daughter doesn't appear to respect theirs. He asked, "Are we wrong?"

I responded yes, because it's no longer unusual for couples to cohabit before marriage. I asked how long they plan to continue punishing the daughter and said I don't think they have anything to gain by doing so. Thousands of angry readers wrote to comment. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Cohabitation is NOT a substitute for matrimony. I realize it is "not unusual for couples today to live together." However, you must certainly be aware that many religious people regard doing so as a sin against God. Should the parents compromise their beliefs to attend, simply because their daughter's relationship is "progressing nicely"? Why do you feel that standing up for their beliefs is "punishing" their daughter and her live-in? I wish you would address this again. -- DIANNE IN LUBBOCK, TEXAS

DEAR DIANNE: I try to deal with things as they are, and not as some people think they ought to be. Today many couples have chosen to live together before marriage. Some are trying to avoid the unhappiness they saw in their parents' marriages. Others realize that you don't really know someone until you have lived with him or her. Divorce is messy, not to mention expensive on many levels, and they want to avoid the pain if possible -- although few separations are painless.

I believe that parents should choose their battles carefully after their children become adults. What these parents are doing may eventually isolate them from their daughters. Acting as they are, there may be other happy occasions they'll be skipping. This one is just the first.

DEAR ABBY: If the letter writer and his wife accept an invitation to someone's house, do they check first to make sure their hosts share their "values," that they vote the same way, are against gay marriage, have the same religious beliefs? If they don't take that same care with everyone they know, they are being unfair to their daughters.

For five years they were apparently comfortable with the daughters living at home or in their own apartments and having sex with their boyfriends on the sly. Now that the young women are honestly acknowledging the sexual relationship and formalizing it by living together openly, suddenly there's a problem. There's a stench of hypocrisy here. -- ONLINE DEAR ABBY READER

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. He recently mentioned that when he was younger (19), he had a threesome (two guys, one girl).

We are both over 35, so I realize this happened many years ago, but the fact that it was two guys is hard for me. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I keep seeing the images.

I try to tell myself my boyfriend is a different man today than the teen he was. I don't understand why it's bothering me so much. How can I find a way to get past this? Please give me some direction. -- CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD

DEAR CAN'T: I respect your boyfriend's honesty and openness. Because you can't get this out of your head, talk further with him about his youthful escapade. If your concern is that your boyfriend is interested in having sex with other men, ask him that question. It occurs to me that when two horny teenage boys found one willing girl, that they may not have been as interested in having sex with each other as they were with her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a tattooed female in my late 20s. When I started a job as a cook in an assisted-living facility a year ago, I was required to go through an orientation and the dress code was explained. When I asked about visible tattoos, the lady who ran the orientation was unsure if they were allowed to show and told me to ask my manager. My manager said she didn't know, but suggested I cover them anyway "just to be safe."

Since then, I have worn long-sleeved polo shirts with the sleeves rolled up. No one has commented about the sleeves. Since I went through that orientation, two girls have been hired who have ink on their arms. They wear short sleeves every day.

I'm wondering if I should just show up in short sleeves and risk someone saying something, email corporate and ask what the policy is, or ask our new executive director? Any thoughts? -- TO COVER OR NOT TO COVER

DEAR T.C.O.N.T.C.: While displaying your tats may not be a problem considering that two other employees are showing theirs, your new executive director should be able to give you a definite answer to your question. And while you're at it, suggest that because there are now three employees with tattoos, the policy should be clearly stated in the employee handbook, which may be due for an update.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Brett," mistakenly used the dog's toothbrush from the bathroom cabinet. I had it in there with a bowl of homemade doggie toothpaste that I was trying on the dog. I didn't realize it until just now. Should I tell him? -- QUIET SO FAR IN VERMONT

DEAR QUIET SO FAR: If I were you, I'd open my mouth and "SPEAK!" before your husband does it again. If he's grossed out, it will be no more so than the rest of us who read your letter. From now on, keep Rover's toothbrush in a different location.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received a Facebook message from a 47-year-old mother of four who believes she is my daughter. While I do not remember her mother and have communicated this to the woman, the pictures she sent of her children somewhat resemble my family.

I'm happily married with two sons, and my wife is aware of this and will support any decision I make. I'm conflicted about the choices before me and the impact they may have on her family and mine. What is the right thing to do? -- CONFLICTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Try to get a little more background from the woman about her mother. For instance, WHY does she think you are her father? Were you and her mother ever in the same place at the same time? If there is a possibility that you could be her dad, the ethical thing to do would be to let her know that your attorney will be contacting her to arrange a DNA test.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me what to say to persuade my friend to stop driving up in front of my house and honking his horn. I have asked him twice not to do it, but it continues.

It may seem like a small thing to him, but I think it's disrespectful to me for him to toot his horn like I'm supposed to come running out. A more courteous approach would be to call me and say he's near, or to ring the doorbell when he arrives. Am I being old-fashioned? -- EXPECTS RESPECT IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.

DEAR EXPECTS: No. In light of the fact that you have asked this person more than once not to do this, he is rude. In addition, when a driver honks his or her horn repeatedly in a residential neighborhood, the noise can be disruptive to your neighbors.

DEAR ABBY: I recently phoned one of my mother's best friends, "Edna," to wish her a happy birthday. It was her 101st. When I asked her about her family, she spent some time sobbing over the recent news that her eldest son has cancer.

My first thought -- and that of several others -- was, why was she told?! Edna is frail and in poor health. She has seen her share of tragedies and losses in her long life, and I think she should have been spared this devastating news.

Hearing her sob on her birthday broke my heart. However, a couple of my friends disagreed with me. They thought she ought to know. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated. -- WONDERING IN THE WEST

DEAR WONDERING: There are no hard-and-fast rules that apply to these situations. Although Edna may no longer be able to live independently, her thinking may be clear and she is still the matriarch of the family. When you withhold information from someone, even if it's well-intentioned, it isolates the person. Because the conversation upset you to such an extent that you felt you had to write to me, my thought is you should let Edna's children know what happened.