DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old stepdaughter, "Audra," got her driver's license a few months ago and has started pressuring us to put her on our car insurance. When we told her we can't afford it, and if she wants to be on the insurance she has to get a job and pay for it, she had a temper tantrum.

About a month ago, my husband wanted her to go to the store for him. We live in a rural area and everything is some distance away. After she left, he asked me if I was mad that he let her take the car. I told him I thought he was asking for trouble sending her out with no car insurance. He said, "But she wants to drive so badly." My husband now wants me to let her take me shopping and bring along our two small kids.

If Audra gets into an accident, we could be sued for everything we have! No one is a great driver when they first start driving, but she is a beginner without insurance. I have considered calling the police and telling them she's driving without insurance. What do I do? -- NO INSURANCE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NO INSURANCE: Stick to your guns. It appears Audra has some growing up to do before she starts driving. If at the age of 17 she's still having tantrums when she doesn't get her way, she's not emotionally mature enough to be behind the wheel of a car. Your concerns about her getting into an accident are common sense. Transporting small children in a car driven by an uninsured, inexperienced driver is not advisable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old gay man who recently graduated with a liberal arts degree. I have always struggled to support myself. I'm often discouraged because of professional and personal mistakes, which leads me to be pessimistic about my future.

I want to date. I know love isn't going to be the save-all, but it would be nice to hang out with someone from time to time. My problem is, in the past men have been critical of my lack of success. They are often unimpressed with me. Successful men won't date me. Yet I feel intellectually incompatible with the blue-collar guys I've been with.

I'd like to be able to have conversations about literature, film and maybe world events, but the men I'm drawn to are out of my league. Must I suck it up and take what I can get? Do you think that maybe if my life was in order, I'd have better luck with men? -- DENVER PO'BOY

DEAR DENVER PO'BOY: I do. It appears that in addition to self-esteem problems, you are drawn to men who are intellectual snobs. Intelligent, successful men -- and women -- are attracted to people who feel good about themselves and have interesting things to say. Because these individuals are often "targets," they are not particularly drawn to people who might regard them as meal tickets.

So by all means get your life in order. When you dwell less on your mistakes (we all make them) and think positive, your chances of finding friends like yourself will be better.

DEAR ABBY: I have been blessed with success over the years and continue to provide a comfortable lifestyle for my wife and me. I will be celebrating my 74th birthday soon, and 55 years of marriage to my high school sweetheart.

When I come home from a busy day, I enjoy sitting down and having two generous cocktails while I listen to my favorite news station. I espouse my views on the political events of the day. And always, without exception, I verbalize my adoration for my wife and our family, and express how beautiful my wife is and how much I love her.

My wife becomes somewhat annoyed because I get loose with my opinions and comments because of the alcohol. She wants me to quit drinking every night before dinner. I feel there's no harm because I have only two drinks. At my age, I feel entitled, but I don't want to make my wife feel like she is married to an alcoholic. What do you suggest I do? -- MY AMERICAN DREAM INCLUDES COCKTAILS

DEAR AMERICAN DREAM: For openers, try laying off the sauce for a week or so -- if you can manage it -- or cut back to one drink in a smaller glass. When you say you consume two "generous" drinks a day, I can't help but wonder how generous and what you're using to measure. While you may have been able to drink two generous drinks when you were younger with no negative effects, as folks get older (and 74 would qualify as "older"), they don't metabolize alcohol as well.

One of the signs of problem drinking is when it starts to cause problems with others. Another is belligerence, and if that's the way you become as you listen to your news programs, you can't blame your wife for being upset. And as to the endearments you utter while under the influence -- while they may be sweet, take it from me that women much prefer to hear them from men who are sober.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married to a wonderful man. He suggested that his close friend "Zoe" would like to be a bridesmaid, so I asked her and she accepted.

The problem is, I have sent multiple messages to Zoe regarding the color we have selected for the bridesmaid dresses and also asked if she'd like to come along when I look for my wedding dress. I have received no response at all from her. My fiance has also contacted her, and he hasn't heard back, either.

Is it OK if I decide to use someone else who is willing to participate in the events leading up to the wedding, and not just the ceremony? -- FIRST- AND ONLY-TIME BRIDE

DEAR BRIDE: Have your fiance check with Zoe to see if she's OK and her contact information is correct. Then send Zoe a written message explaining that because she hasn't responded to your previous messages, you and your fiance assume she won't be participating in the pre-wedding activities and would prefer not to be one of your bridesmaids. Say that you both hope she will attend the wedding as a guest and send her an invitation. If she accepts -- fine. However, if you don't hear from her, take her off the list.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 30 years. Many years ago I found out, inadvertently, that my wife is adopted. (My wife has no siblings, and her parents died when she was in college.) Concerned that she might not know about it, I contacted senior members of her family to confirm. They all confirmed what I had heard and said my wife knows about it.

I think it's odd she never shared this with me. It wouldn't change things between us, but it bothers me that she has never told me. To the best of my knowledge, she has no idea that I know. I am having major heart surgery in the fall, and this is something I would like to discuss with her before I do. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. -- LEFT OUT

DEAR LEFT OUT: Tell your wife what you learned, that you're surprised she never mentioned it, and ask her why. It's a fair question, and being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college sophomore and have a boyfriend, although we keep our relationship to ourselves. I get asked out a few times a week by other boys who are clearly interested.

My boyfriend doesn't mind that I have male friends, but my problem is the other boys are never direct about their intentions. Usually, they'll say it's to "hang out" or "grab dinner" -- very casual, vague invitations. To accept would make me feel I'm leading them on somehow, but to refuse "because I have a boyfriend" would make it look like I'm jumping to conclusions about them.

Is there a polite way to tell someone that you're seeing someone -- without being accusatory -- but that you would still like to be friends? -- JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

DEAR JUMPING: Say it this way: "I'd love to, but, you know, I have a boyfriend. Would that be a problem for you?" If the boy says no -- then go. If he hits on you after that, tell him you think he's great, but you want to be friends -- one can never have enough friends -- and you're not looking for another romance. If the boy respects you, he'll accept it and not try again while you and your boyfriend are together.

DEAR ABBY: I feel that the longer you go to the same hairdresser, the more she takes you for granted. The service gets worse. When I have shared this opinion with some of her other clients, they agreed.

The salon does not have a receptionist. Whoever is there just picks up the phone, whether the stylist is working on a customer or not. During my last haircut, which usually lasts about half an hour, she answered the phone six times. I pay for my appointment, and it should be at least relaxing. Have your readers had the same experience? -- MIKE IN NEW YORK

DEAR MIKE: I'm sure some of them have, unless they told the stylist they're using they don't like being treated that way. So speak up. As a paying customer, it is your privilege.