DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from "Open-Minded in Pennsylvania" (3/6), the adoptive mother of a biracial child who asked for a witty comeback for strangers' comments/questions? This is a rare teaching moment! If a parent reacts with the slightest hint of displeasure, the child will think the parent is displeased with her/him.

We adopted a daughter of a different race 29 years ago. When I received comments/questions from acquaintances and strangers, my face would light up, and I'd respond, "Oh, we adopted her! She is Filipino! We are so blessed to have her in our lives!" Usually, the person would smile and say something positive. The rare times someone didn't, we would hurry on with a wave and a smile, and I would hug her close.

Our daughter has grown up proud of her ethnic background and knowing she's special. She is now married and the proud mother of two biracial children. -- JUDY IN TEXAS

DEAR JUDY: You handled the situation beautifully. I heard from a slew of adoptive parents after printing that letter. Let me share some of their comments:

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago, we adopted two baby girls of a different race from ours. Our adoption social worker gave us some insightful advice about what to do when someone made a bigoted or ignorant remark. She said:

"Always remember your child is watching you to see how she is supposed to feel about what has just happened. If you become upset and defensive, your children will feel that way too and begin to believe something is 'wrong' about them and your family. So take the role of teacher and educate the ignorant person. Keep it light, add humor if you can, and then chuckle later with your child and other family members about the silly dumbness of a few people in the world." It worked for us. -- ANTONIA, MOTHER OF TWO

DEAR ABBY: When my adopted son from Bogota, Colombia, was about 4 months old, we were shopping for groceries one day. A woman approached our cart and asked, "Where is he from?" I smiled and replied, "Heaven!" -- KATHY IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: I employ a strategy I learned from your column. I face the questioner with a smile and say, "I am stunned that you would ask such a personal thing!" The look on the asker's face is priceless. And it makes it quite clear that I have no obligation to respond to anything someone may choose to ask. To that mother: Hold your head high, radiate pride in your precious child, and know all's right in your world. -- PAT IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful grandchild of mixed race. When I'm asked insensitive questions like, "What is he?" I smile, hold him close, and respond, "He's PERFECT -- don't you think?" -- PROUD GRAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: In recent conversations with my daughter, who is away in college, she opened up to me that she is hooking up. She introduced herself to this guy two weeks ago, and she's already having sex with him. I tried to caution her about the dangers of such relationships and how harmful they can be physically and emotionally. She sounded annoyed and said it is her body and she has a right to do whatever she pleases.

I am shocked and disappointed. She's the first person in our family to go to college. If I tell her father, he would disown her. I am beside myself. My younger daughter will soon be applying to college, and now I'm wondering whether I should allow her to go away, given her sister's behavior. How should I handle this? Should I tell her father? -- STRESSED OUT IN NEW YORK

DEAR STRESSED OUT: When you are less emotional, talk with your daughter and advise her to visit the student health center to be checked for STDs and get on a program of birth control. Your daughter is no longer a child. She is a young woman, and sexual activity among college students is not unheard of. While I agree with you that hopping into bed with someone you have known for only two weeks is premature, if she's able to maintain her grade point average, there is no reason to alarm her father. If she isn't, then bring her home.

I assume you have discussed sex and family standards with your younger daughter. If that's the case, it would be unfair to punish or restrict her because you are disappointed in her older sister.

DEAR ABBY: My soon-to-be daughter-in-law complains about my son to me. She's not happy with his job or his boss, but he is. She says he embarrasses her and gets upset when his work must come first. Abby, my son is in charge of the company.

I don't understand why she would marry someone she feels this way about. I struggle with whether to talk to my son about it or not. I'm afraid he will say something to her and she will be upset with me. He is a happy young man, and it seems his fiancee only wants to change him. He's almost 30, and I don't see him changing to her satisfaction. Please advise. -- BITING MY TONGUE FOR NOW IN ARIZONA

DEAR BITING: Your son's fiancee is complaining to the wrong person. Before talking to your son about her complaints, talk to her about them and suggest she talk to him. If your son is happy in his job, happy with his employers and being well compensated for his work ethic and ability, she should be happy for him, not embarrassed. It's important that he know how she feels before the wedding, because if he learns about it afterward, there will be problems.

However, if she's unwilling to communicate her feelings to your son, then let him know she has "concerns" about his job and suggest he discuss them with her before they say any "I do's."

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother with an 11-year-old daughter. My boyfriend, "John," and I have been together for two years and we're serious. He is also divorced, with a 13-year-old daughter.

We have tried to be sensitive and understanding about their feelings about our recent divorces and our relationship, but both girls are having a difficult time coping with it. We are very loving and inclusive, so it's not as if they should feel resentful or left out. But this is starting to cause a rift in our relationship.

There comes a point when they need to understand that this is the new norm and get used to it. We try to include each other's daughter in shared events, but it ends up becoming a forced struggle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- THE NEW NORM

DEAR NEW NORM: Welcome to the world of blended families. As much as we would wish it, the adjustment isn't always smooth, because when children are involved, their world is often torn apart.

A resource that can be helpful would be the Stepfamily Foundation Inc. (stepfamily.org). Your former spouses can also ease the adjustment for the girls by remaining actively involved in their lives, curbing their hostility and not pitting the children against either of you.

However, if that's not in the cards, then enlist the help of a licensed family therapist. Blended family counseling, divorce and remarriage counseling may be necessary to ease the girls' transition into "the new norm," which is anything but normal for them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Alex," and I are a young couple and have been married for four years. I recently took a trip with him to visit his uncle and met one of Alex's cousins for the first time.

I was helping my mother-in-law in the kitchen when Alex called me to come and look at something on his computer. I responded, "Sir?" His cousin immediately started poking fun at it, and the rest of his family joined in.

To me, "Sir" is a gesture of respect to my husband. His family seemed to interpret it to mean I think I'm less than an equal in our relationship. This is definitely not the case. Alex and I both make sure to show respect and appreciation to each other in little ways throughout the day.

This isn't the first instance in which someone heard me address my husband as "Sir" and criticized my decision to use the word. Frankly, I have no intention to change the way I interact with my husband. What I'd like to know is, how do I nicely shut the conversation down when people give their unwelcome opinion? -- ANNOYED IN ROUND ROCK, TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED: It's possible these relatives did not grow up with the same formalities you are used to. If that's the case, smile and say, "I consider calling my husband 'Sir' a sign of respect. That's how I was raised. Don't you think he deserves it?" However, if the teasing doesn't stop, add, "I'm neither downtrodden nor subservient -- and what I call him is really not your business."