DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother with an 11-year-old daughter. My boyfriend, "John," and I have been together for two years and we're serious. He is also divorced, with a 13-year-old daughter.

We have tried to be sensitive and understanding about their feelings about our recent divorces and our relationship, but both girls are having a difficult time coping with it. We are very loving and inclusive, so it's not as if they should feel resentful or left out. But this is starting to cause a rift in our relationship.

There comes a point when they need to understand that this is the new norm and get used to it. We try to include each other's daughter in shared events, but it ends up becoming a forced struggle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- THE NEW NORM

DEAR NEW NORM: Welcome to the world of blended families. As much as we would wish it, the adjustment isn't always smooth, because when children are involved, their world is often torn apart.

A resource that can be helpful would be the Stepfamily Foundation Inc. (stepfamily.org). Your former spouses can also ease the adjustment for the girls by remaining actively involved in their lives, curbing their hostility and not pitting the children against either of you.

However, if that's not in the cards, then enlist the help of a licensed family therapist. Blended family counseling, divorce and remarriage counseling may be necessary to ease the girls' transition into "the new norm," which is anything but normal for them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Alex," and I are a young couple and have been married for four years. I recently took a trip with him to visit his uncle and met one of Alex's cousins for the first time.

I was helping my mother-in-law in the kitchen when Alex called me to come and look at something on his computer. I responded, "Sir?" His cousin immediately started poking fun at it, and the rest of his family joined in.

To me, "Sir" is a gesture of respect to my husband. His family seemed to interpret it to mean I think I'm less than an equal in our relationship. This is definitely not the case. Alex and I both make sure to show respect and appreciation to each other in little ways throughout the day.

This isn't the first instance in which someone heard me address my husband as "Sir" and criticized my decision to use the word. Frankly, I have no intention to change the way I interact with my husband. What I'd like to know is, how do I nicely shut the conversation down when people give their unwelcome opinion? -- ANNOYED IN ROUND ROCK, TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED: It's possible these relatives did not grow up with the same formalities you are used to. If that's the case, smile and say, "I consider calling my husband 'Sir' a sign of respect. That's how I was raised. Don't you think he deserves it?" However, if the teasing doesn't stop, add, "I'm neither downtrodden nor subservient -- and what I call him is really not your business."

DEAR ABBY: I am 22. I met my boyfriend, "Jordan," in college. We live together with a roommate.

Throughout our relationship, there have been times when Jordan was inconsiderate and didn't seem to put much effort into it. Sometimes he says he's going to be out "late." Then he ends up staying out all night without letting me know he's not coming home. He has done this quite a few times. His excuse is that I am supposed to call to hound him, and ask where he is and when he's coming home.

He's often not respectful of my time and comes home hours after he says he will. Most of the time he's out with friends I know, but I am losing trust and feel less important.

When we are spending time together, the relationship is great. Jordan is the one person I feel I can live with. We don't get annoyed with each other, have the same sense of humor and common interests and hobbies.

I have tried many times to get the point across that he doesn't make me feel like a priority. He tells me he cares and that I'm "the one." Where do I draw the line because he fails to back up his words with actions? -- LOW-RANKING GIRLFRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOW-RANKING: Draw the line now and remove your blinders. Although you say you don't get annoyed with each other, it seems you are plenty annoyed with Jordan, and you have a right to be. You are being treated like your feelings don't matter.

You are not his mother and you shouldn't have to "hound" him. When a boyfriend stays out all night, it is cause for concern. And that his actions and his words don't match means that he's not being truthful. Prepare yourself for the inevitable because it's coming.

DEAR ABBY: I am annoyed by how sexist the conversation is in regard to weddings. It is always her day, her wedding, all about her. It's like the groom is just a check in the box. Nearly everyone forgets that this is one of the most important events in the groom's life, too, and he has an equal investment in the event.

As for our own wedding, there were no brides involved -- just us two grooms, our minister friend who officiated, plus all our friends and family who celebrated with us. Both of us were involved in the planning and execution of our wedding from beginning to end, and the entire process was so meaningful to us. Now I feel bad for our straight male friends whose involvement in their own weddings gets completely discounted.

Please stay vigilant, Abby. Remind people that it is their day, their wedding, and all about them. -- EQUAL OPPORTUNITY IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR EQUAL OPPORTUNITY: Your point is well taken. However, in generations past, traditionally the bride's parents paid for the wedding. The groom had little to do with the planning -- and few, if any, of them objected to it or wanted more responsibility. Today, because couples marry later and brides often have incomes of their own, it is far more common for couples to pay for their weddings and plan them together.

DEAR ABBY: I am 32 and need advice on setting personal boundaries in my relationships. Simply put, I have a guy friend who has feelings for me that I don't have for him. We dated briefly. I broke it off, and we have continued as friends for two years.

He knows I'm not interested in an intimate relationship with him. However, he has made it clear through words and behavior that he's in love with me, almost to the point of obsession.

I feel he doesn't respect my personal space. We argue -- especially if he ends up crashing at my house after a night at the pub. I firmly tell him he can only sleep on my couch, but he'll weasel his way into my bed. I feel I'm enabling him in his clingy behavior because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I want to be able to act assertively with him and others. I want to stop being so passive, especially with men. Please advise me how to work on this. -- PUSHOVER IN VANCOUVER, CANADA

DEAR PUSHOVER: The man you describe appears to be under the impression that he can wear you down if he keeps at it long enough. He isn't interested in being your "friend"; he wants to be your lover.

Because you aren't interested in him that way, quit allowing him to sleep at your place. If he becomes so drunk he can't drive himself home, get him a taxi. Allowing him to sleep over and weasel himself into your bed sends him a mixed message, and that's a mistake.

To create effective boundaries, you must be clear about the messages you send to others. What you appear to need to work on is the ability to say no. Try it. You'll like it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a hard time with my dad. He treats me like a little kid and refuses to recognize that I'm an adult who can make my own decisions. It makes it difficult for us to get along, and I have been spending less time with him because of it.

Abby, I am 40. I haven't lived at home for more than 20 years. I'm married with kids and hold a responsible job, but he still sees me as a little girl. An example: He will tell me how to do everyday tasks and remind me not to touch the stove or leave the lights on. In his mind, I never grew up.

It has always been this way with him. I have tried talking to him about it, but all he does is roll his eyes like I'm a teenager.

Dad is in his late 60s and I'd really like to have a relationship with him while he is still alive and healthy. Is there anything I can do to make him understand his perspective is skewed and he needs to change his behavior? -- DADDY'S GIRL

DEAR DADDY's GIRL: At his age, you aren't going to change your father. Your chances of improving your relationship with him will be better if you change the way you react to what he's doing, and realize he says the things he does because it's part of what he thinks is a parent's job. Once you see the humor in it, you'll stop feeling defensive and resenting him. Trust me, it will go a long way toward your having the adult relationship with him that you crave.