DEAR ABBY: My brother is older than I am and has been in and out of prison. He has stolen my things and pawned them.

I am married, and my husband and I are expecting our first child. We live in a time zone several hours behind the one my family is in. I am now receiving phone calls at 4 o'clock in the morning from collection agencies on the hunt for my brother. He has been writing bad checks and leaving my phone number as a contact number.

I have managed to determine who his probation officer is, and I'm on the fence about whether I should tell her what he is up to. My dad is furious with me for even considering it since "brothers and sisters don't do that to each other."

Honestly, I am fed up with this "blood is thicker than water" mentality when it comes to my brother's wrongdoings. He is now including my family in his schemes, and I won't stand for it any longer. What should I do? -- LITTLE SIS IN THE USA

DEAR LITTLE SIS: There are no excuses for what your brother has done. If his father had given him a dose of tough love while he was a minor, he might have stayed on the straight and narrow instead of landing in the pokey.

Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for protecting yourself and your family. Blood isn't thicker than water when abuse is involved, and your brother's behavior qualifies. Contact his probation officer. With luck, when the collection agency calls again, you will be able to give them your brother's "cell" number.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I had bariatric surgery. Since the surgery I have lost a significant amount of weight and still have a lot to go before I reach my goal weight. In the beginning, my husband was supportive and seemed proud of my weight loss. But he is no longer as physically interested in me now as he was when I was considerably larger.

I recently discovered several photos of larger women on our computer. Now I'm wondering if he's looking for my replacement or just has a "thing" for bigger women. Should I say something to him about this apparent desire for larger women? -- SLIMMING DOWN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SLIMMING DOWN: If you feel your weight loss may have negatively affected your marriage, you should absolutely talk with your husband about it. Frankly, he should have discussed it with you before you made the decision. Bariatric surgery is a major operation. It is life-changing and should not be taken lightly.

As I see it, you have taken a giant step in a positive direction healthwise, and I hope nothing will interfere with it. If you and your husband have trouble discussing this, please do it with the help of your doctor or a licensed marriage counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I have noticed that some people in my age group (60s) are becoming compulsive talkers. These people don't ask questions of those around them. When someone begins to speak, the compulsive talker interrupts, usually in a louder voice and returns to dominating the conversation. Some of them continue to ramble on even when no one is listening anymore.

I tire quickly when I'm around these marathon talkers, but I'm too polite to interrupt them. It wouldn't do any good anyway, because they seem unable to stop. When someone tells them they talk too much, they get offended, but the behavior doesn't change.

Do you have suggestions for how to handle compulsive talkers so I won't have to listen to the person go on and on? It makes me feel fatigued, irritable and trapped. -- OVERLOADED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OVERLOADED: I do have a suggestion. Avoid people like this. If you can't avoid them, politely excuse yourself as quickly as possible. These people are "sappers," and it is not unusual for them to drain others of energy, leaving them feeling tired, overloaded and trapped as you have described. Within a few minutes of getting away you will start feeling better. Try it and you'll see.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I both had boyfriends around the same time. I broke up with mine three months before she did. Now my ex likes her, and her ex likes me.

I told her I didn't care if she went out with my ex because we live in a small town. They started dating, and I started talking to her ex. She got pretty mad at first, and then said if I like him I should date him.

The thing is, I have liked him for a long time and they have been broken up for three months now. Everybody says I should date him. I don't know what to do. -- CONFUSED BEST FRIEND

DEAR CONFUSED: Because your friend now says it's all right if you date her ex-boyfriend, what you should do is let him know you're interested.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I both had boyfriends around the same time. I broke up with mine three months before she did. Now my ex likes her, and her ex likes me.

I told her I didn't care if she went out with my ex because we live in a small town. They started dating, and I started talking to her ex. She got pretty mad at first, and then said if I like him I should date him.

The thing is, I have liked him for a long time and they have been broken up for three months now. Everybody says I should date him. I don't know what to do. -- CONFUSED BEST FRIEND

DEAR CONFUSED: Because your friend now says it's all right if you date her ex-boyfriend, what you should do is let him know you're interested.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl, just starting to dip my toes into the dating scene. It's not that I haven't wanted a boyfriend in the past, but I live in a rural area where options are few.

I am becoming close with a guy who lives near me, and I care a lot about him. Therein lies the problem. We're getting to the point where we are finding out everything about each other. I love learning things about him, and I want to share myself entirely with him.

Lately we have been talking about the past. To make a long story short, my childhood was traumatic. From the age of 6 until age 11, I was molested by a family member. Although I am a virgin, when I'm with my friend, it's obvious that I have done certain things before.

I don't want to "unload my baggage" too early and scare him away, but if we are going to commit to each other, I feel it's important for him to know. When is a good point in the relationship to tell him, or in future relationships as well? Any advice you could give would help a lot! -- DIPPING MY TOES IN THE DATING SCENE

DEAR DIPPING: The answer depends upon how mature this young man is, because the information you're considering imparting to him is sensitive. How would you feel if this first relationship ended badly and he broadcast your history to the entire community? This has been known to happen -- as we all know -- with intimate photos.

Personally, I think it will be a while -- a few years -- before you will be ready for a truly committed relationship. I'm not saying you shouldn't have fun and romance in your life, but until you are absolutely sure that you are in a committed relationship, my advice is not to confide this.

If you haven't already received counseling for the trauma you experienced as a child, please consider it. Licensed counselors are ethically bound not to reveal what is discussed during sessions.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s and have a close relationship with my mother. She always struggled to make ends meet, but has recently come into greater financial security.

For some time I have been embarrassed about her stingy habits when it comes to splitting the check in group situations. She'll often divide costs unfairly and rely on the generosity of her fellow diners to cover her share. I don't want to embarrass her at the table, but I'm uncomfortable apologizing for her after the fact.

Now that I'm older, I feel responsible in these situations, but I know money is a sensitive topic for her. I don't want to be critical or make her self-conscious. How can I talk Mom into correcting her behavior so we can salvage relationships that are important to both of us? -- KELLY IN NEW YORK

DEAR KELLY: You shouldn't embarrass your mother in front of others. But you should have a private talk with her and express your feelings.

The frugal habits of a lifetime can be hard to break, even if there is a windfall later in life. But if you feel relationships are being destroyed because of what she is doing, then you should tell her and give her some examples. That's the only hope you have of convincing her to change.