DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl, just starting to dip my toes into the dating scene. It's not that I haven't wanted a boyfriend in the past, but I live in a rural area where options are few.

I am becoming close with a guy who lives near me, and I care a lot about him. Therein lies the problem. We're getting to the point where we are finding out everything about each other. I love learning things about him, and I want to share myself entirely with him.

Lately we have been talking about the past. To make a long story short, my childhood was traumatic. From the age of 6 until age 11, I was molested by a family member. Although I am a virgin, when I'm with my friend, it's obvious that I have done certain things before.

I don't want to "unload my baggage" too early and scare him away, but if we are going to commit to each other, I feel it's important for him to know. When is a good point in the relationship to tell him, or in future relationships as well? Any advice you could give would help a lot! -- DIPPING MY TOES IN THE DATING SCENE

DEAR DIPPING: The answer depends upon how mature this young man is, because the information you're considering imparting to him is sensitive. How would you feel if this first relationship ended badly and he broadcast your history to the entire community? This has been known to happen -- as we all know -- with intimate photos.

Personally, I think it will be a while -- a few years -- before you will be ready for a truly committed relationship. I'm not saying you shouldn't have fun and romance in your life, but until you are absolutely sure that you are in a committed relationship, my advice is not to confide this.

If you haven't already received counseling for the trauma you experienced as a child, please consider it. Licensed counselors are ethically bound not to reveal what is discussed during sessions.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s and have a close relationship with my mother. She always struggled to make ends meet, but has recently come into greater financial security.

For some time I have been embarrassed about her stingy habits when it comes to splitting the check in group situations. She'll often divide costs unfairly and rely on the generosity of her fellow diners to cover her share. I don't want to embarrass her at the table, but I'm uncomfortable apologizing for her after the fact.

Now that I'm older, I feel responsible in these situations, but I know money is a sensitive topic for her. I don't want to be critical or make her self-conscious. How can I talk Mom into correcting her behavior so we can salvage relationships that are important to both of us? -- KELLY IN NEW YORK

DEAR KELLY: You shouldn't embarrass your mother in front of others. But you should have a private talk with her and express your feelings.

The frugal habits of a lifetime can be hard to break, even if there is a windfall later in life. But if you feel relationships are being destroyed because of what she is doing, then you should tell her and give her some examples. That's the only hope you have of convincing her to change.

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 years old, working full-time as a teacher and I'm about to move out of my parents' house. I have decided to have breast augmentation surgery, and I know the best time to do it would be this summer so I'll have time to recover before school starts.

The problem is my parents are adamantly against my having this surgery. I've heard it all: "I wish you loved your body the way it is." "That's so superficial," and "You'll regret it!"

I would wait until I move out, but my new place (which is being built) won't be finished until the end of the school year. I have postponed this surgery for several years, and now I have the money and I'm ready. How can I please my parents and also please myself? -- TIRED OF WAITING

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: Have another talk with your folks and explain that while they may wish you loved your body the way it is, you don't. Tell them that you don't feel wanting the surgery is superficial and that you feel it will give you confidence about your appearance that you don't have now.

The decision about whether to have plastic surgery is a personal one. No one should make it "for" you; the choice should be yours and yours alone. If you decide later that you regret it, you can have the implants removed. Some women have done that -- but most women don't.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning a wedding this summer. My fiance and I are paying for it ourselves, so we are trying to keep it within a budget. I'm so excited I want to shout it from the rooftops because I thought this day would never happen.

My problem is, when I have shared the news of our engagement, some people have told me, "I can't wait to get my invitation." We have already made up our guest list and they aren't on it, so how can I tactfully reply without offending? My fiance and I have even discussed whether it would be worth the extra money each guest will cost in order to keep the peace and not have anyone carry a grudge against us. -- STRUGGLING TO BE POLITE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STRUGGLING: When someone who is not on your guest list says he or she can't wait to receive an invitation, that's your cue to explain that due to budget constraints, your wedding will be small -- pretty much immediate family only. No one can argue with that.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend who was in town for her husband's business conference. Her 20-year-old son called her because he had broken the screen on his cellphone.

Over the next two hours as we visited, she took phone calls from him, researched places to get his phone fixed, then proceeded to fill out insurance forms on her phone for the repair while I sat there. I finally stood up and said I was leaving because she seemed to be "busy." She immediately became offended and rudely said, "Well! Sorry I p-d you off!"

Abby, it was a broken cellphone, not a broken arm. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? We have been friends for more than 30 years. -- INSULTED IN RENO

DEAR INSULTED: You're not wrong. Your friend must have thought her son's predicament was an emergency, which is why she felt compelled to deal with it immediately.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Rick," and daughter-in-law, "Amy," seem to really dislike me. I try to be kind and not pry, but they live with me and it can make for a full house. They have had job difficulties and work injuries that brought them back to my home. Her parents don't care for my son, so living there was not an option.

Amy does not help at all with the housework. Rick does most of it. They also have a wonderful 21-month-old boy. A second baby is on the way. They have lived with me for four years now.

Abby, Amy shows no respect for my home or for me. I mostly keep quiet so as to not push away my only son. I want to be part of my grandson's life. Please advise me on handling this matter. -- UNDERVALUED OUT WEST

DEAR UNDERVALUED: By allowing your son and daughter-in-law to live with you for such an extended period of time, you have fostered their dependence on you. That may be why your daughter-in-law is resentful rather than grateful for your generosity in giving them a roof over their heads.

That they would conceive a second child under these circumstances -- without jobs and no place of their own -- tells me they are immature and irresponsible. Give them a date to be out -- say one month -- and stick to it. If they want to know why, tell them the truth. You should not have to live in a house with a daughter-in-law who treats you like the enemy because it is not healthy for any of you.

If you are afraid the only way to have a relationship with your grandchildren is to tolerate being used, I think you are mistaken. As long as you can provide material assistance to these two, they'll keep you around.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for almost 31 years. We have had a good marriage, but for the last couple of years, my husband has told me that I snore when we go to sleep at night.

He is a very light sleeper, and understandably, it wakes him and then he wakes me to make me stop. This goes on all night long. Needless to say, neither of us is happy in the morning. We have now started sleeping in separate rooms.

The issue I am having now is, my husband will be retiring in a few months and he wants us to do a lot of traveling, mainly cruising. I'm not sure how this will work with our new sleeping arrangement. -- SLEEPY IN ALABAMA

DEAR SLEEPY: Have you discussed your snoring with your physician? Snoring can be a symptom of a medical problem that's fixable. When your husband first told you about it, you should have mentioned it to your doctor. Ear plugs might help your husband, but if there is a medical solution for your snoring, it would make your problem moot.