DEAR ABBY: I have known "Dean" for 10 years. We have been living together for two. Since the beginning, he has struggled with depression, anxiety and anger issues. Occasionally he has explosive episodes where he'll throw things and punch or kick inanimate objects.

Recently things escalated. He was angry with himself after getting angry with me for disturbing his "process" while making dinner, and he threw a potted plant across the room.

I'm not an idiot. I know these are serious issues. Every friend or family member of mine who knows him believes he's a good guy deep down. But they all tell me to leave him. I talked with him after the incident. He called a therapist, set up an appointment and has promised he won't drink anymore.

I'm struggling with the judgment I'm feeling from my friends and family. Dean is a man I see a future with, and I don't want to give him up when he's finally seeking treatment. My friends are concerned about me getting hurt, either in the crossfire or when I try to stop him from hurting himself. Am I an idiot for not walking away? -- NOT READY TO WALK

DEAR NOT READY: If all your family and friends are worried about your physical safety, for your own sake, you may have to stop trying to save Dean and concentrate on yourself for a while.

He may have many fine qualities, and the fact that he is willing to seek help for his explosive temper says a lot for him. That's why I'm suggesting you and Dean pay a visit to his therapist together and ask whether it would be better if you live apart until he learns to recognize and manage his "triggers." It may give him the incentive to work harder on his problems -- because it appears he has more than a few to deal with.

DEAR ABBY: Recently my 11-year-old son, "Jackson," was at a neighbor's house playing with another boy a few years younger. The boy told my son he plays with him only because his parents make him, and he said he isn't Jackson's friend and never wanted to be.

Jackson came home upset, and I was heartbroken for him. I comforted him and told him at least the boy was honest. I advised Jackson to find another friend to play with.

I'm at a loss on what to do next, if anything. Do I talk to the parents? Or just let it go? Friendship shouldn't be forced, but my heart aches for my son. Please give me some advice. -- MAMA BEAR IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Tell the parents what happened if they ask again for Jackson to come over. While children say all kinds of things in the heat of the moment, it would be better for your son if you found some other activities for him -- group activities involving sports or science or the arts -- for at least a while.

While it's understandable your neighbor's son may resent being forced to play with Jackson, it is equally understandable that Jackson might be reluctant at this point to have anything more to do with him. Don't push it.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is going through a divorce and has moved back in with her parents, who are driving her crazy. She doesn't have enough money to live on her own, so I offered to have her move in with me.

The more I think about it, the more I regret having said it. I enjoy living by myself. Also, she wants us to move to an area of the city that I don't care to live in. In addition, she has a male friend who is also going through a divorce and I dislike him. They spend a lot of time together, and I don't want to be around him.

I'm having second thoughts, but she's desperate to get out of her parents' home. I feel like a terrible friend. Should I suck it up and be there for her? If not, how do I break it to her that I like being her friend, but don't want to be her roommate when she's counting on me to get her out of a difficult situation? -- HAVING MISGIVINGS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAVING MISGIVINGS: It is not your responsibility to help your friend escape from her parents. That responsibility should be hers. Because you like living where you do, tell her that "on second thought," you don't think moving someplace else would be a good idea for you.

The last thing you need is a roommate who will be entertaining someone you dislike, because you will have no privacy, a lot of anxiety and a lease you won't be able to break that guarantees you have to put up with it for a year. For your own sake, speak up and don't allow her to guilt you into doing something you know you'll regret.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are in a long-distance military relationship. We have discussed eloping to Las Vegas so I can move with him. My mother isn't enthusiastic about it. She would like to be there for my wedding, but my fiance comes from a large family. Eloping would be our way of not excluding anyone.

I feel guilty for wanting this to be just the two of us. Should I plan a small wedding for my mother's sake, or have a reception when we get back from Las Vegas? -- AMBIVALENT IN TEXAS

DEAR AMBIVALENT: Why not do both? Explain to your parents -- and your fiance's -- that you would like to be married quickly and are thinking of doing it in Las Vegas. Offer them the opportunity to meet you there. Then have a reception for the extended family later, after you both return.

DEAR ABBY: I bring a hostess gift when I'm invited to someone's home for a dinner or a party. If it's a birthday party or shower, I bring a gift for the honoree. Should I bring one to a "purchase party," where a company rep sells products, kitchen gadgets or clothing? The hostess provides her home and food, and she usually receives thank-you gifts in the form of products from the company rep, based on how much the guests purchase.

Is it OK to show up empty-handed, knowing that I'll be opening my wallet to purchase something at the end of the party? -- UNSURE GUEST

DEAR UNSURE: Absolutely. When invited to an event the purpose of which is to get you to buy something, your presence is present enough!

DEAR ABBY: I have just found out I'm 10 weeks pregnant. Both sets of parents are overjoyed -- it's their first grandchild -- and I'm happy because this was the plan all along. My husband wants kids, and this is our first baby.

My husband isn't the kind to wear his heart on his sleeve. I have tried to involve him in appointments and classes, but he seems uninterested. He has expressed no emotions, even when he saw our first sonogram. It makes me feel sad and lonely. When I ask him if he is happy about the pregnancy, he says yes, but it's hard to tell.

What can I do? His reassurance does not feel genuine. This is supposed to be a milestone, the next chapter of our lives. -- PREG-O IN ARIZONA

DEAR PREG-O: While your parents and in-laws are overjoyed, and you are excited at the prospect of the baby, it is possible that your husband may be overwhelmed at the reality of becoming a father and the responsibility it entails. Not all men are good at expressing their emotions, particularly emotions that they think might be "unmanly."

Instead of depending upon him to reassure you, try reassuring him about what a wonderful father he is going to be. If you do, you may find that as your pregnancy progresses, his level of excitement will increase.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school and plan on going to college. When I brought up the college subject with my mom and told her the one I want to go to is out of state, she got upset and said she would never see me. She keeps suggesting colleges that are in-state, but none of them are ones I want to go to. Shouldn't it be my choice about where I want to go? As you can see, I need help. What should I do? -- ASHLEY IN NEW YORK

DEAR ASHLEY: Continue discussing this with your mother to see if there might be more to her concerns than separation anxiety. If the reasons include worry about finances, talk to a counselor at your high school about scholarships that can help to pay for the college of your dreams.

DEAR ABBY: My husband curses nonstop. He wakes in the morning with an "f-ing this" or an "f-ing that." He does it as he goes into the kitchen to get his coffee. I can't stand it.

I have asked him repeatedly to stop. He was never like this when we were younger. Over the 20 years of our marriage, he has become worse and worse. Now he's a nonstop "f-ing machine."

My neighbors have complained to me about it. They have children, and when he goes outside, it continues. How do I get him to tame his tongue? -- MARRIED TO MR. EFF-ING

DEAR MRS. EFF-ING: Is your husband unwell? Could his problem be related to stress or a form of dementia? If the answer is no, then let me point out that men who are happy in their jobs and their lives do not act this way. Men who are considerate and care about their wives' and neighbors' sensibilities usually try to accommodate them if asked nicely. Your problem may not be your husband's tongue as much as it is his attitude -- and until he realizes that only he can change it, there is nothing you or anyone else can do to fix him.