DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Opal" and I grew up together. We were always close. She has gone through some rough times, and I have been trying to help her out.

She has five children (ages 10 to 2) and I have one child who is 13. The fathers of her children are not helpful. I recently completed my education and am looking for work, so money is tight.

Opal doesn't feed her kids before bringing them over or provide diapers for the little one. She promises to reimburse me, but rarely does. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut because I know she doesn't make much as a server. How can I make her understand that even though I have only one child that doesn't mean I have the money to help her out with her five?

Also, when I baby-sit her children, they are rowdy and destructive. But if I try to raise the subject, it creates tension between us.

I love Opal. I want to help her. But when is it enough? I don't want to withdraw my help completely, but it has become more than my household can bear. -- CARING COUSIN IN MISSOURI

DEAR CARING COUSIN: Nothing will change until you are ready to tell Cousin Opal enough is enough and set some strict rules. That she has had five children with different deadbeat boyfriends is not your fault. One accidental pregnancy -- or even two -- can happen. But five should be a clue that your cousin is irresponsible.

Tell Opal that unless her children are fed before they arrive and she provides diapers, you will no longer baby-sit for her. (It wouldn't be a bad idea to tell her to include some snacks as well.) Tell her that before her children come over she is to instruct them to be on their best behavior. Her household may be chaotic because there are no rules -- so don't blame those children for their bad behavior.

When they arrive, tell them that in your house there are rules. Explain clearly what they are and that there are rewards for good behavior. Make clear that if they can't be good, they won't be welcomed back without their mother.

If the penalty for drawing the line is that there is tension between you and your cousin, the upside will be that you will be taken advantage of less often.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 49-year-old gay man who has been in a relationship with my partner, "Alex," for almost 25 years. We plan to have a silver anniversary party in July. When I mentioned it to my two sisters, both had similar reactions -- it's not "appropriate" and "silver anniversaries are for married couples and you're not married."

Abby, is it wrong to celebrate a silver anniversary with Alex? If not, should I send invitations to my two sisters? -- LONG-TERM IN LONG BEACH

DEAR LONG-TERM: Of course it's not wrong! The option of marriage wasn't available to gay people 25 years ago. A quarter of a century together is something to celebrate.

Knowing your sisters' feelings, you'd be justified in excluding them from your guest list. However, consider taking the high road and inviting them anyway. Then, whether they attend or not becomes their decision.

DEAR ABBY: I am heartbroken. I have an uncle "Tony" I'm close to, who is like my best friend. I was sending him pictures of a football game and he sent me back a very inappropriate picture of himself. He says it was a "mistake," that it was supposed to go to his wife, but the text message he sent with it showed different.

I don't want to be around him. I'm disgusted and hurt over this. I need advice. What do I do? -- HEARTBROKEN IN GEORGIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Share the photo and texts with your parents and ask what they think about them. Then ask if they think you should forward the picture and text message to your aunt with a note explaining Uncle Tony said they were meant for her, and you didn't want her to miss them.

Because he makes you uncomfortable, listen to your intuition and keep your distance because what he did was appalling.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a female working full-time in an office with all men. Yesterday afternoon, I ate a salad that contained several varieties of beans. I was standing outside my boss's office, laughing at a joke one of the salesmen was telling when the beans got the best of me and I passed gas.

I was mortified and wanted to sink through the floor! I patted the salesman on the arm and said, "I guess that's what I think of the joke," and walked back into my office. I didn't know what else to say or do. Today I can't look either of them in the face.

Since this seems to be something that happens to older people (I'm 69), and it's something we often don't have total control over -- please tell me how to "recover." If this should happen again, what on earth does one say or do? -- BEANS, THE MUSICAL FRUIT

DEAR B.T.M.F.: Stop beating yourself up over this. Expelling gas is normal. According to the National Institutes of Health, the average person passes gas about 14 times a day -- although probably not as spectacularly as you did.

If it happens again, don't try to be funny. Just say, "Excuse me," and if the "toot" is a fragrant one, distance yourself. I'm positive that would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: We are planning to give a joint baby shower next month for two sisters-in-law who are expecting their babies three weeks apart. The joint shower is a necessity because some of the relatives will need to travel quite a distance to attend.

Most of the guests know both girls, but some will know only one of them. Is there a way we can word the invitation so these guests won't feel obligated to "gift" both babies? Any suggestions will be gratefully appreciated because we are stumped. -- STUMPED IN OHIO

DEAR STUMPED: Put nothing on the invitations themselves mentioning gifts. However, it is acceptable to include an insert along with the invitation that states gifts for both babies are not expected. If the shower is going to be a large one, you could email the guests to relay the information. However, if it will be relatively small, pick up the phone and call.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of an 18-year-old daughter. Her dad and I are divorced and she lives with him. We were married 20 years and I know he's a good parent, except for one thing. My daughter has told me her father and his partner sometimes engage in very loud lovemaking when she's in her room, and it embarrasses her. She's shy to begin with, so she hasn't said anything to him.

I feel angry and frustrated because I don't know if I should say something to him about it. I have suggested she put on some loud music or use headphones if she can't bring this up with him. I think she wants me to intercede, but I don't feel it's my business to do so. Can these adults be that clueless? Please help. -- CAROL ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR CAROL: Yes, adults can be that "clueless." Her father and his partner may not realize how much noise they make. Headphones and turning on loud music are good suggestions. But remember that clear communication is important in relationships both personal and professional.

At 18, your daughter is old enough to start speaking up for herself. Encourage her to talk about this problem privately with her father. But if she can't, then you should handle this for her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband had an affair 18 years ago. We worked through it and are doing well in our marriage.

My question concerns my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, both of whom continue to remain in contact with the "other woman." They still worship at the same church, bought her baby gifts, etc. I have mentioned how it hurts me that they are Facebook friends with her, but it has fallen on deaf ears. I know they have known her longer than me, but I am family.

Abby, I would like to know if I am crazy for letting this bother me. Should I let it go? I have forgiven my husband, but what they are doing makes it hard for me at times. What should I do? -- MY HEART HURTS

DEAR HEART HURTS: By now you should have realized that you can't control your husband's mother or sister. That they chose to continue to maintain their relationship with this woman in spite of the fact that she nearly wrecked your marriage is regrettable.

But all this happened 18 years ago, and your marriage survived it. If you can let this go, I think you should. A wise person once said that we can be as happy as we choose to be. Lessen your emotional dependence on your in-laws, and I predict you will be happier.

DEAR ABBY: I find it difficult to lie. This trait suits me well except in one area. When friends or family share information about being ill, experiencing a death or any sort of tragedy, almost everyone else responds with, "You're in my prayers."

I am an atheist and do not claim I will pray for those individuals because that would be lying. So what is the proper response when prayer is off the table? -- TEXAS READER

DEAR READER: A proper response would be, "I'm sorry for what you're going through," "I'll send positive thoughts for So-and-So's recovery," or, "How sad. I'm sorry to hear it."