DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of an 18-year-old daughter. Her dad and I are divorced and she lives with him. We were married 20 years and I know he's a good parent, except for one thing. My daughter has told me her father and his partner sometimes engage in very loud lovemaking when she's in her room, and it embarrasses her. She's shy to begin with, so she hasn't said anything to him.

I feel angry and frustrated because I don't know if I should say something to him about it. I have suggested she put on some loud music or use headphones if she can't bring this up with him. I think she wants me to intercede, but I don't feel it's my business to do so. Can these adults be that clueless? Please help. -- CAROL ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR CAROL: Yes, adults can be that "clueless." Her father and his partner may not realize how much noise they make. Headphones and turning on loud music are good suggestions. But remember that clear communication is important in relationships both personal and professional.

At 18, your daughter is old enough to start speaking up for herself. Encourage her to talk about this problem privately with her father. But if she can't, then you should handle this for her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband had an affair 18 years ago. We worked through it and are doing well in our marriage.

My question concerns my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, both of whom continue to remain in contact with the "other woman." They still worship at the same church, bought her baby gifts, etc. I have mentioned how it hurts me that they are Facebook friends with her, but it has fallen on deaf ears. I know they have known her longer than me, but I am family.

Abby, I would like to know if I am crazy for letting this bother me. Should I let it go? I have forgiven my husband, but what they are doing makes it hard for me at times. What should I do? -- MY HEART HURTS

DEAR HEART HURTS: By now you should have realized that you can't control your husband's mother or sister. That they chose to continue to maintain their relationship with this woman in spite of the fact that she nearly wrecked your marriage is regrettable.

But all this happened 18 years ago, and your marriage survived it. If you can let this go, I think you should. A wise person once said that we can be as happy as we choose to be. Lessen your emotional dependence on your in-laws, and I predict you will be happier.

DEAR ABBY: I find it difficult to lie. This trait suits me well except in one area. When friends or family share information about being ill, experiencing a death or any sort of tragedy, almost everyone else responds with, "You're in my prayers."

I am an atheist and do not claim I will pray for those individuals because that would be lying. So what is the proper response when prayer is off the table? -- TEXAS READER

DEAR READER: A proper response would be, "I'm sorry for what you're going through," "I'll send positive thoughts for So-and-So's recovery," or, "How sad. I'm sorry to hear it."

DEAR ABBY: When I turned 25, after considering it for years, I went to my doctor and told him I wanted to become sterile. I got a vasectomy two months later. I haven't had any regrets, and now at 27, I'm still firmly convinced that I don't want children -- ever.

I started dating a woman a year ago, "Anita," who told me that if she never had kids, she could live with it. I felt lucky to have found someone who would be OK with no kids.

I have had a few issues with Anita. When she gets upset from time to time, she says that if she stays with me, she will never have kids. I know she cares for me deeply, but I also believe she feels conflicted about giving up the chance to be a mother.

Do you think it's fair for me to pursue this relationship and hope that eventually she'll come to terms with not having children with me? Or should I end the relationship so she can find someone who shares her desire to become a parent? I worry that if I end it, it may take years before I find someone who shares my wish to never be a parent. -- NO KIDS IN COLORADO

DEAR NO KIDS: You have been upfront with Anita. She understands that you do not want children, and that you have taken steps to ensure it won't happen. She's correct that if she stays with you, she will never have any.

For both your sakes, the two of you need to talk this through once and for all, because if Anita is ambivalent about forgoing motherhood, she does need to find another life partner. And you need to let her do that.

DEAR ABBY: It happened to me again yesterday. After I had been waiting patiently at the counter of a large department store, another woman came up and stood beside me. The clerk walked over and immediately began to ring up the other woman's purchase. I said, "I was here first!" Both the clerk and the woman apologized, but because the sale had already begun, the salesclerk completed it and I was left waiting.

I am angry about it. I feel stores should have a queue where you get in line in order, or clerks should be instructed to ask, "Who was here first?" I don't want to believe I was passed over because the other woman looked more prosperous than I do, but she was buying a very expensive handbag, while I was purchasing socks that were on clearance. How should that be handled in the future? -- SHOPPER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SHOPPER: If you have a complaint about service, it should be addressed to the store manager. A well-trained retail salesperson would have asked which of you was there first. The amount you were spending should have made no difference.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I travel with another couple. I furnish the vehicle and do all the driving. How should we share the expenses? -- EASY RIDER IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EASY RIDER: The other couple should pay for half the gas and their own meals and lodging.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Connie," and I have been together for 30 years and have a wonderful marriage. She's a schoolteacher, and I travel on business often. I think the time away from each other is good; it gives us a chance to enjoy some "me" time.

Connie is a genuinely nice person and makes friends easily, which I admire. However, over the last five years she has become very close with a divorced woman who teaches at her school. They text each other seemingly nonstop, and when I travel, they always get together for a movie or dinner.

I like Connie's friend, and I used to be included -- or at least invited -- to anything they did. Now, if I suggest we all go out, Connie says her friend has other plans or she's sick.

I'm not really concerned that there's any kind of physical relationship between them, but I feel their friendship has become like an "emotional affair." When I brought this up with my wife, she said, "You don't want me to have any friends?"

What bothers me is that I used to be Connie's best friend, but I feel I have been replaced. She tries to reassure me I'm still No. 1, then goes off into her bathroom to text with her friend. I think it's obvious she gets something from this relationship that she doesn't get from me. Do you think friendships between women can evolve into emotional affairs? -- SHUT OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR SHUT OUT: Women communicate with other women on a different level than they do with men. You and your wife and her woman friend may have felt like the Three Musketeers years ago when the three of you would all get together -- but it's possible that after a while her friend began to feel like a third wheel.

Who can say why she doesn't want to socialize with you. Perhaps you don't have enough in common, or perhaps she has sensed that you are jealous of her friendship with your wife. But I wouldn't call close friendships among women "emotional affairs" because I don't think it's true.

Since this bothers you enough to write to me, and Connie seems to be communicating in secret, please discuss this in depth with her.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Luke," and I go to the gym together four to five times a week. Yesterday, there was a man on a treadmill who was sweating profusely. I kid you not, it was coating the treadmill. Luke tends to speak loudly, and he occasionally forgets to turn on his filter. When he saw what was happening, he exclaimed loudly, "That's disgusting." I nudged him and told him he was being rude, but unfortunately, we think the man heard him.

Luke is actually a kind and sensitive person, so he instantly felt awful. This man is a frequent gym-goer and is often there when we are. Luke wants to apologize, but he's worried that if the man didn't hear him, he will have to explain what he said. What are your thoughts? -- FILTERLESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FILTERLESS: Luke was out of line, but at this point, he should let it go or he may further embarrass the man. Sweating during aerobic exercise is normal and healthy, and not something that a person can control. If, when the man was finished with the machine, he wiped it down, he was acting appropriately. (Unfortunately, not all gym members do.)