DEAR ABBY: When I turned 25, after considering it for years, I went to my doctor and told him I wanted to become sterile. I got a vasectomy two months later. I haven't had any regrets, and now at 27, I'm still firmly convinced that I don't want children -- ever.
I started dating a woman a year ago, "Anita," who told me that if she never had kids, she could live with it. I felt lucky to have found someone who would be OK with no kids.
I have had a few issues with Anita. When she gets upset from time to time, she says that if she stays with me, she will never have kids. I know she cares for me deeply, but I also believe she feels conflicted about giving up the chance to be a mother.
Do you think it's fair for me to pursue this relationship and hope that eventually she'll come to terms with not having children with me? Or should I end the relationship so she can find someone who shares her desire to become a parent? I worry that if I end it, it may take years before I find someone who shares my wish to never be a parent. -- NO KIDS IN COLORADO
DEAR NO KIDS: You have been upfront with Anita. She understands that you do not want children, and that you have taken steps to ensure it won't happen. She's correct that if she stays with you, she will never have any.
For both your sakes, the two of you need to talk this through once and for all, because if Anita is ambivalent about forgoing motherhood, she does need to find another life partner. And you need to let her do that.