DEAR ABBY: I read the letter (Jan. 19) from the young woman who is concerned about dating someone significantly older. In 1958, when I was 17, I met a man who was 34. He was handsome, easygoing, quiet, and I fell in love. He was a widower with two children -- a 13-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy. They lived with his mother.

His mom was not at all happy about our relationship, nor were his sisters, my parents and his kids. We wanted to get married, but my parents refused to sign. I felt like the whole world was against us. But I loved him dearly.

In March 1959, I turned 18. We were married on April 4 against everyone's wishes. We had four more children. My dad did not set foot in my home until my first child was born.

My mother-in-law finally told me she loved me and knew I was good for her son on our 10th anniversary. All our children are close, and his two call me Mom. His daughter was a great help with our babies and cried when she got married and left home.

We have had our ups and downs, but we have also had 56 wonderful years of marriage. Age really is just a number! -- JANET IN INDIANA

DEAR JANET: In many cases that's true. In others, couples with such a large disparity in age have been known to grow apart instead of on a parallel path. Because you and your husband's relationship turned out to be a soul match, you are not only lucky to have found each other, but also blessed to have enjoyed such a long marriage. My congratulations to you both as you celebrate your 56th anniversary today!

DEAR ABBY: I recently walked in on one of my boys' 12-year-old friends watching YouTube videos that were extremely foul-mouthed and even raunchy (he had separated himself from the other boys while viewing them). His parents are under the misconception that they have control of his online activities.

When I was young, my friends' parents would reprimand me when necessary, but parents these days reject outside advice or input. What's the proper response to this? Talk directly to the boy? Turn him in to his parents? -- BURNING EARS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BURNING: Have a talk with the boy. Explain that the language in the video is not permitted in your home, and you prefer he not watch it while he is there. If he agrees, do not take it any further. However, if it happens again, talk to his parents, and limit the time your sons spend with him.

DEAR ABBY: I sold women's shoes for 35 years.

Men, when a lady asks if you like the shoe she's wearing, she doesn't care if you like the shoe! She wants to know whether it looks good on her, makes her ankles look fat, etc. It's like if a man buys new floor mats for his car or truck. He buys them to make his vehicle look better, not just to have floor mats.

Wise up and think. If you do, shopping with your lady will make more sense! -- DAVID IN PHOENIX

DEAR DAVID: I love your analogy. Of course, you are correct -- and it applies to more apparel than shoes. One caveat: Men, when you're asked, be diplomatic or you may find yourselves in serious trouble.

DEAR ABBY: We have a daughter with severe developmental disabilities. Thankfully, she receives 40-plus hours of in-home therapy a week, which is covered by insurance.

Her first therapist arrives at 7:30 a.m. and leaves at 11:30 a.m. Some days, she will pick up something to eat on the way. Most days, I suspect she hasn't eaten breakfast.

About once a week she'll call out for me, asking for a snack -- usually a breakfast sandwich -- which I make for her. Last week, she asked for some chocolate-covered nuts I had offered her once. I told her we had eaten them. I finally put out a bowl of old hard candy to stop her from asking. She has been eating it for a while now and joking that I'm making her gain weight.

Must I continue providing her snacks or say something about her bringing her own? I am grateful for the work she does for our daughter and hope I'm not sounding petty. -- UNSURE IN KANSAS

DEAR UNSURE: You should not be responsible for feeding your daughter's therapist. Have a talk with the therapist and suggest that if she's "out of fuel" at the end of your daughter's session that she bring some individually wrapped cheese sticks or fruit with her. It would be a lot healthier than what you're giving her and probably better for her.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son and his fiancee have been kicked out of a few apartments and have asked to live with me. Wanting to help him, I agreed.

When they moved in, I gave them four rules to follow: No drugs in the house, no sex, no coming upstairs after 10 p.m., and the dishes must be done every night or they will pay $400 a month rent.

Well, a week ago I caught them doing drugs, so I called the cops. They were arrested that night. They are now asking to come back. I refuse to allow it because I have an 11-year-old at home with me and another 18-year-old who I want to keep away from this kind of influence.

My son keeps texting me and trying to guilt me into changing my mind because he got his fiancee pregnant. Where I live it gets very cold, but I need to show my other children it's not OK to do drugs.

Am I doing the right thing by not letting them come back, or am I a heartless mother like he says? -- MOM OF TOUGH LOVE

DEAR MOM: Regardless of what your son says, you are not heartless. You took him in with certain conditions. He and his girlfriend abused your trust, and you handled the situation wisely.

If the girl is really pregnant, she should not be using drugs. If she's hooked on something, she needs to get into a rehabilitation program ASAP. If she has parents, perhaps they will take her in. But you have done your part, and if you allow your son and his girlfriend to stay with you, they will continue to break your rules and you'll wind up responsible for them and the baby -- or two or three. I advise against it.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the first night of Passover. Happy Passover, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: I am a 91-year-old reader with a story to tell. In 1958, I married a man every woman would have loved to have. He was one of a kind. I had two boys from a previous marriage, and this wonderful man adopted them.

In 1963, before homosexuality was understood or openly accepted, I discovered that my oldest son was gay. I didn't take it well because of the way I was raised. In fact, I came unglued. My husband took me in his arms and said, "Honey, he is no different today than he was yesterday."

The rest is a long story, but this wonderful man -- a stepfather -- gave acceptance to his son and taught it to me. His words helped me to value my own son as the person he is. If his words can help some other parent, I am passing them on. -- EVER GRATEFUL MOTHER, SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR GRATEFUL MOTHER: You married a wise and compassionate man, and I want to thank you for sharing an important message for other parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning children.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an alcoholic. My husband blames it for everything that goes wrong in our lives. Not invited to a coveted party? They must have heard what an ass I made of myself four years ago.

I love my husband and don't want to leave him. However, he is blind to the similarities to his overeating and smoking. I'm at my wit's end. He refuses to see, while pointing out to our friends that I'm not supposed to drink, that I could be as nasty as he is and say things like, "You're not supposed to smoke," or, "You're overweight and shouldn't eat that."

I'm sick of being humiliated and tired of feeling like I owe him something because he "overlooks" me being an alcoholic. How can I get him to see that these things are all addictions and hard to kick, and he should quit looking down his nose at me? -- HUMILIATED IN TEXAS

DEAR HUMILIATED: Your letter proves the truth of the saying that alcoholism is a "family disease." The more your husband draws attention to your alcohol problem, the less he is forced to confront his own addictions to food and tobacco, and it also serves as a distraction. It's comfortable for him, allows him to feel superior and benefits him because it makes him an object of sympathy. This is neither helpful nor healthy for either of you.

I have said many times that you cannot change another person. However, a licensed mental health professional may be able to help you understand why you tolerate your husband's behavior -- and might even be able to give you insight into why you drink the way you do.