DEAR ABBY: I've been married more than 20 years and have three children. What I haven't had is a real desire for sex -- nor have I ever had, as far as I know, an orgasm. Before my wedding, my mother warned me that sex was overblown, uncomfortable and messy, but she said I had to put up with it if I wanted kids and a good marriage.

Movies, TV shows and ED ads all suggest that "normal" women are just looking for the next opportunity to jump into bed with their man. Am I a freak? Are there others like me? What do I tell my girls as they grow up? -- WAITING IN WICHITA

DEAR WAITING: Your mother did you no favor by saying what she did about sex. Sex can be "messy," but it is also supposed to be pleasurable, and both parties should be able to enjoy it. If sex is painful, then something is wrong.

I would never label you a freak. However, you may be asexual, because some people are. If you have never experienced an orgasm, you may have married a man who was also sexually inexperienced.

It's a mistake to judge what sex is supposed to be like from media and/or advertising. People pitching products can be notoriously unreliable, and some television shows and movies strive for shock value. Your gynecologist would be a far more reliable information resource.

As to what to tell your daughters, there are many books on the subject, and your gynecologist may be able to recommend some literature. But please do not give your daughters the same message your mother gave to you, because it was wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I have two daughters, "Mary Beth," 48, and "Anne," 50, who do not talk to each other. The last time we were all together was a family vacation in 2010. They live in different states, and I travel to visit them for the holidays. They have similar lifestyles -- married, children, work outside the home -- but they don't reach out to each other.

When Mary Beth wrote her feelings to Anne, they were viewed as hurtful and vindictive. I received a copy of the letter, but I didn't think they were. That was two years ago, and Anne never sent a reply. She said, "Oh, Mom, I don't know what to write. Can you help?"

Frankly, I think Anne prefers the lack of contact with her sister, and that even though they are sisters there is no bond between them. What do you suggest? The silence is unbearable. I want to hear the "noise" again. -- DISAPPOINTED MOM IN RENO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED MOM: Nowhere in your letter did you mention how Mary Beth feels about the fact that her letter may have caused an estrangement. As an adult, Anne should have responded to that letter. It isn't unusual in families that are geographically separated for sibling bonds to loosen. Work, marriage and children can be profoundly distracting.

I'm advising you to continue to see both daughters, but not involve yourself in their relationship. I'm not sure what kind of "noise" you're looking for, but if you poke into this, it could be an explosion.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two daughters whom we have taught to use good manners. We are proud that they always remember to use their "pleases" and "thank yous" and many people have commented how polite they are.

My problem is the majority of their friends have little to no manners at all. They never thank me when we carpool places or take them out for lunch or dinner. I rarely hear "yes, please" when I offer food or beverages at my home. Even my daughters say it at home!

Should I correct their behavior by asking them "What's the magic word?" Should I tell them I want them to use their manners when they are with me? Should I speak to the parents about it? Or am I expecting too much? -- MANNERS MAVEN

DEAR MANNERS MAVEN: I'm sorry you didn't mention how old your daughters' friends are, but if they are over the age of 10, I recommend against asking, "What's the magic word?" It would be more diplomatic to talk to the girls privately and convey your message.

If you prefer they use better manners in your home, it is your right to say that to them. However, if you call the parents, the parents may think you are criticizing their parenting skills (and they wouldn't be wrong).

As to whether you are expecting too much, frankly, you may be. Sadly, adults who never learned good manners themselves can't pass them on to their children.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I loaned a small amount of money to a close friend I have known since childhood. She promised to pay me back, but has yet to do so. I wasn't too concerned because it was a minimal amount, but a few months ago she asked to borrow a larger amount. Again, I didn't hesitate to help her out because she has been there for me several times in the past in important ways -- although they weren't financial.

Because the recent loan was a large one, I would like to be repaid. How do I tactfully ask her for the money without seeming petty or like I'm nagging? (I don't like confrontation.) And is it too late to ask that the previous smaller amount be included as well? -- FRIEND, NOT AN ATM

DEAR FRIEND: You don't have to be confrontational, and I wouldn't advise it anyway. In light of the fact that your friend has made no effort to repay the first loan for an entire year, it would be neither pushy nor nagging to ask when she intends to start. If she can't come up with the entire amount, perhaps she can repay a little each month. However, if she can't/won't start paying you back, you may have to accept that you won't be getting any of your money.

In the future, you should not lend anyone money without first getting a signed note stating that the money is owed to you and when it will be repaid. That way, if necessary, you can take the matter to court and have a leg to stand on when you get there.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl, and my friend "Leah" is out of control. She has been going down the wrong path since sixth grade. She is what people call "emo."

She has attempted to end her life more than once. She has sex with lots of boys older than her and has issues with drugs and cutting. She was abused until she was 5 and then adopted. She doesn't seem to have any morals.

She says she wants to become a serial killer and a prostitute when she grows up. She also wants to have a baby in the near future. Leah has borderline personality disorder and probably some others. I have tried talking to her about what she's doing to herself, but she sees nothing wrong with her destructive behavior.

I want Leah to get help before she winds up raped, in prison, or on death row, or becomes a teen mother on the streets. I don't want her to become another number, another statistic. What should I do? Who do I call -- the police, social services, a hotline? -- SCARED FOR LEAH

DEAR SCARED: Your friend appears to be a very troubled and angry girl. If she thinks that by becoming a prostitute or a killer she will be able to assert control in her life where she has none, she's sadly mistaken.

You say she has borderline personality disorder. If that's true, it must have been diagnosed by a licensed psychotherapist. Frankly, I don't think this is anything you can -- or should -- handle on your own.

If your mother doesn't know what's going on, please tell her so she can alert Leah's mother and Leah can return to her therapist. However, if that's not possible, tell a counselor at school what you have told me so Leah can receive more treatment before she hurts herself or someone else.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and have planned our first vacation together. We decided to split the expenses 50/50.

Last week, he announced that he has invited his sister and her boyfriend to go along and stay with us in the apartment we rented. Not only was I shocked that he would invite them without checking with me first, I became upset when he said he wasn't asking them to pitch in any money. Normally I'm not stingy when it comes to sharing, but I'm angry and I wonder if I'm overreacting.

His mother died last year, and his sister is the only family he has left, which he tends to remind me of to make me feel guilty. How should I react to this? -- AMBER IN TEXAS

DEAR AMBER: Tell your boyfriend that out of consideration for you, he should have cleared it with you before inviting anyone to come along. When he tries to make you feel guilty by reminding you that his sister is all the family he has left, patiently explain that you understand that, but this was supposed to be your first trip together -- just the two of you -- and this has taken the romance out of it.

Then make it clear that you do not intend to foot the bill for Sissy and her boyfriend because that isn't fair to you. And if he doesn't agree, cancel the trip because you wouldn't enjoy it anyway.