DEAR ABBY: My family is big on sports and discusses them at every gathering, big or small. I played sports growing up, but I don't care to follow them in my adult life like the rest of my family does. Sometimes I'm left out of conversations because of my lack of knowledge on the current stats, etc. I have always refrained from speaking about the things I'm passionate about because of lack of interest from them.

My good friend said maybe I'm considered less of a man by my brothers and my dad because of my apathy about sports. I served eight years in the Army, with four deployments between Iraq and Afghanistan, and was wounded twice. Not a man?

This issue may seem childish, but it is something that affects me to this day. Do you have any suggestions? -- SITTING ON THE SIDELINES

DEAR SITTING: Yes. Stop listening to the armchair analysis of that "friend." When sports enthusiasts spout statistics, what they really want is someone to listen and appreciate their acumen.

It's sad that you haven't been able to let your father and brothers know about the things that interest you, but has it occurred to you perhaps you should have spoken up more about your passions? Not everyone is the same; not everyone is interested in the same things. It doesn't mean that anyone is more or less "manly" than someone else. You're a military vet, so stop measuring yourself by anyone else's yardstick because it isn't fair to you or to your family.

DEAR ABBY: I just married a wonderful man. "Derrick" is loving, considerate, helpful, smart, hard-working, and he wants to spend time with me as often as possible.

This is my second marriage. I have five kids ages 11 to 15, work full-time and try to fit in regular exercise. When my kids are with their dad, Derrick is home every minute I'm there and we do a lot together -- hiking, biking, running, movies, dining or just hanging out. He leaves for work after I do and comes home before I arrive.

My issue is, if I want any time alone, I have to leave the house. I used to have alone time before I met him, but now it's very rare. Abby, I need a little time for myself once in a while. I am very independent and don't need a companion every minute of every day. I'm becoming unhappy and depressed because I have no privacy.

I have told Derrick what I need, but how do I realistically get him out of the house so I can have some time to myself? He has a lot of friends, but he wants to spend his time with me. He isn't controlling or weird or jealous, but I'm feeling smothered. -- NEEDS SPACE IN NEVADA

DEAR NEEDS: Suggest Derrick schedule some regular dates with his male friends -- a golf game, card game, some other sporting event, etc. He might enjoy that, and it will give you the breathing room you need.

DEAR ABBY: My twin brother is an alcoholic and homeless. He has never held a job. Although we have drifted apart, he still contacts me when he needs money, guilt trips me about not having a place to go, and once even faked a drug overdose to get my attention. I have helped him many times, but he always goes back to his old ways.

My heart breaks for him, and the thought of him not having a place to go worries me. I have a family of my own to support and care for. He has shown no gratitude for what I have done to help him, and he insists nobody cares about him. He threatens suicide and won't get help for his alcohol abuse.

My fiance refuses to allow me to help him anymore. I feel helpless and exhausted. I'm tired of constantly worrying about him and letting him make me feel guilty for the life he has chosen. Other relatives will have nothing to do with him. He refuses getting professional help. Please tell me what to do. -- THINKING ABOUT MY WOMB MATE

DEAR THINKING: The only person who can divert your brother from his self-destructive path is himself. Because your attempts at helping him have all failed, recognize that although he refuses getting professional help, it doesn't mean you shouldn't avail yourself of it.

You appear to be a kind, loving and generous sister who has been taken advantage of for a long time, and it may very well take the help of a mental health professional to help you separate from your twin. Please consider it, because the sooner you do, the sooner you will begin to feel better.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago I was laid off from my job and fell into hard times. As a last resort, I moved back in with my parents and got a job at a retail store.

Over the last three years, I have paid off many of my bills and repaired my credit. I'm now saving for a new car, looking for a higher-paying job and searching for a roommate to share an apartment. My parents say my siblings and I are always welcome, that we should move out when we are ready and come back if we need to.

I have met a lot of judgmental people along the way who assume I want to "live with my parents forever and remain a child" when they learn I live with them. My family takes care of one another and does not abandon anyone once they have reached a certain age. What do I say to people who want to advise or admonish me about something that is none of their business? -- STILL AN ADULT

DEAR STILL AN ADULT: Since you asked for my two cents, allow me to contribute. I don't know what kind of people you have been spending time with, but someone who would have the gall to "advise and admonish" you because of the living arrangement you have with your parents is beyond rude. You shouldn't feel compelled to defend it or offer any explanations. Frankly, I think you should avoid these people.

DEAR ABBY: My birthday was last week and my boyfriend gave me $100 cash to spend on myself. I ended up spending the money on groceries for the both of us and on gas.

If my boyfriend asks what I used his gift for, should I tell him it was for groceries for us? I have asked my friends and they said different things, such as, tell him the truth, or something like "I'm saving it." -- SAVANNAH IN GEORGIA

DEAR SAVANNAH: If he asks, tell him the truth. The money was spent on things you needed -- groceries for the both of you and gas. And if he finds fault with that -- although I can't imagine that he would -- remind him that once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) pleases.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl in middle school. There are two boys I like. One of them is someone I've known for two years and is a really good friend. The other boy I don't know anything about. I like him because he's cute.

What I like about the first guy is that he's funny, smart, looks good and we like the same things. I don't know which to pick. Please help! -- INTERESTED IN OREGON

DEAR INTERESTED: At 11, you don't have to pick either one. Enjoy both for what they have to offer and, in time, you won't have to ask anyone else to decide for you. In fact, you may even find a third someone who offers the same qualities you like in both of these boys in one package and who likes you back.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for five years with my boyfriend, "Clay." We live in separate houses. I have three children, ages 18, 17 and 12. My 18-year-old is away at college.

Clay never comes to my house. Every weekend, and sometimes during the week, I must pack my bags and those of my kids to go to Clay's. This is hard for us. I have discussed it with him, but his answer is he's "set in his ways."

He expects me to drop everything at a moment's notice to host parties for him or meet him for dinner with his co-workers. I have explained that a single mother cannot do this all the time.

I am tired and frustrated. I have stayed with Clay this long thinking that one day he'll want more from this relationship. But it's difficult enough taking care of one home without having to look after a second one.

Am I wasting my time? Should I move on? I feel he does love my kids and me. We have never argued, and he has never mistreated me. I just don't know what to do anymore. -- MISERABLE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISERABLE: Why should Clay want more from a relationship that's working just fine for him? He has all the perks and none of the responsibilities that come with marriage. When he snaps his fingers, you run, regardless of the stress on you and your children.

That when you have mentioned a compromise he tells you he is "set in his ways" should convey a strong message. It's time to lay your cards on the table and tell Clay what you want and what you need from this relationship, so if he isn't prepared to give it to you, you can make other plans.