DEAR ABBY: My twin brother is an alcoholic and homeless. He has never held a job. Although we have drifted apart, he still contacts me when he needs money, guilt trips me about not having a place to go, and once even faked a drug overdose to get my attention. I have helped him many times, but he always goes back to his old ways.

My heart breaks for him, and the thought of him not having a place to go worries me. I have a family of my own to support and care for. He has shown no gratitude for what I have done to help him, and he insists nobody cares about him. He threatens suicide and won't get help for his alcohol abuse.

My fiance refuses to allow me to help him anymore. I feel helpless and exhausted. I'm tired of constantly worrying about him and letting him make me feel guilty for the life he has chosen. Other relatives will have nothing to do with him. He refuses getting professional help. Please tell me what to do. -- THINKING ABOUT MY WOMB MATE

DEAR THINKING: The only person who can divert your brother from his self-destructive path is himself. Because your attempts at helping him have all failed, recognize that although he refuses getting professional help, it doesn't mean you shouldn't avail yourself of it.

You appear to be a kind, loving and generous sister who has been taken advantage of for a long time, and it may very well take the help of a mental health professional to help you separate from your twin. Please consider it, because the sooner you do, the sooner you will begin to feel better.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago I was laid off from my job and fell into hard times. As a last resort, I moved back in with my parents and got a job at a retail store.

Over the last three years, I have paid off many of my bills and repaired my credit. I'm now saving for a new car, looking for a higher-paying job and searching for a roommate to share an apartment. My parents say my siblings and I are always welcome, that we should move out when we are ready and come back if we need to.

I have met a lot of judgmental people along the way who assume I want to "live with my parents forever and remain a child" when they learn I live with them. My family takes care of one another and does not abandon anyone once they have reached a certain age. What do I say to people who want to advise or admonish me about something that is none of their business? -- STILL AN ADULT

DEAR STILL AN ADULT: Since you asked for my two cents, allow me to contribute. I don't know what kind of people you have been spending time with, but someone who would have the gall to "advise and admonish" you because of the living arrangement you have with your parents is beyond rude. You shouldn't feel compelled to defend it or offer any explanations. Frankly, I think you should avoid these people.

DEAR ABBY: My birthday was last week and my boyfriend gave me $100 cash to spend on myself. I ended up spending the money on groceries for the both of us and on gas.

If my boyfriend asks what I used his gift for, should I tell him it was for groceries for us? I have asked my friends and they said different things, such as, tell him the truth, or something like "I'm saving it." -- SAVANNAH IN GEORGIA

DEAR SAVANNAH: If he asks, tell him the truth. The money was spent on things you needed -- groceries for the both of you and gas. And if he finds fault with that -- although I can't imagine that he would -- remind him that once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) pleases.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl in middle school. There are two boys I like. One of them is someone I've known for two years and is a really good friend. The other boy I don't know anything about. I like him because he's cute.

What I like about the first guy is that he's funny, smart, looks good and we like the same things. I don't know which to pick. Please help! -- INTERESTED IN OREGON

DEAR INTERESTED: At 11, you don't have to pick either one. Enjoy both for what they have to offer and, in time, you won't have to ask anyone else to decide for you. In fact, you may even find a third someone who offers the same qualities you like in both of these boys in one package and who likes you back.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for five years with my boyfriend, "Clay." We live in separate houses. I have three children, ages 18, 17 and 12. My 18-year-old is away at college.

Clay never comes to my house. Every weekend, and sometimes during the week, I must pack my bags and those of my kids to go to Clay's. This is hard for us. I have discussed it with him, but his answer is he's "set in his ways."

He expects me to drop everything at a moment's notice to host parties for him or meet him for dinner with his co-workers. I have explained that a single mother cannot do this all the time.

I am tired and frustrated. I have stayed with Clay this long thinking that one day he'll want more from this relationship. But it's difficult enough taking care of one home without having to look after a second one.

Am I wasting my time? Should I move on? I feel he does love my kids and me. We have never argued, and he has never mistreated me. I just don't know what to do anymore. -- MISERABLE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISERABLE: Why should Clay want more from a relationship that's working just fine for him? He has all the perks and none of the responsibilities that come with marriage. When he snaps his fingers, you run, regardless of the stress on you and your children.

That when you have mentioned a compromise he tells you he is "set in his ways" should convey a strong message. It's time to lay your cards on the table and tell Clay what you want and what you need from this relationship, so if he isn't prepared to give it to you, you can make other plans.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Tina," was very hurt by a friend recently. Her friend "Sally" called her "cheap" during a conversation ("she's cheap like you"). Sally didn't intend it to be hurtful, just an illustration -- but my wife is very upset about it.

We use coupons when we grocery shop or dine out; we also watch our thermostats, recycle, etc. On the other hand, we have sent our children to university without loans, our mortgage is paid off, we have traveled extensively and our net worth is north of a million dollars with no debt. How do I make Tina realize that Sally's comment should not upset her so? -- THRIFTY IN TEXAS

DEAR THRIFTY: What happened was unfortunate because the problem may be that Sally simply chose the wrong word. What she probably meant was that your wife is frugal. The difference between "frugal" and "cheap" is that being frugal is a virtue. Because Sally hurt your wife's feelings, Tina needs to tell her how it made her feel so Sally can apologize to her before it causes a permanent rift.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teenage girl who has a fantastic life, a loving family, great grades in school and a nice house. I have a problem that seems to be taking over my life: I'm very anxious.

At first, it seemed I was just a worrywart, but lately, it's been nuts. I'm terrified someone in my family is going to die and I worry obsessively over it. I try to think it's going to be all right, but my anxiety just overtakes me.

I'm terrified of death and that my parents or my siblings will die tomorrow. I don't know who to tell. My parents freak out over the slightest thing. Please help me. -- WORRYWART IN ARIZONA

DEAR WORRYWART: Many young people harbor the same fear you have. But because you say your parents tend to "freak out" at the slightest thing, I can't help but wonder if a tendency toward high anxiety runs in your family.

Assuming that your family members are in good health, your preoccupation with the idea they might suddenly die should be discussed with a licensed psychotherapist. Ideally, you should tell your parents what's going on, but if you're afraid to talk to them and ask for help, then speak to a counselor at school so the counselor can bring it to their attention. Because this is troubling you to the extent that you have written to me, please don't procrastinate.

DEAR ABBY: How do you politely refuse to hug or shake someone's hand because of a medical issue that lowers your resistance to infection?

I had a stem cell transplant 18 months ago because of a recurrence of Hodgkin's lymphoma. I'm now on a drug that keeps my white blood count low. If I get a fever, I could end up in the hospital. I have been in remission for over a year and look healthy.

I don't really care to get into a long conversation about my experience, but I don't want to put myself at risk. How should I handle this without appearing rude? -- HOLDING BACK IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HOLDING: Not extending your hand should send the message. However, if you are pressed, tell a short version of the truth, which would be, "I can't do that because I have a medical condition that prevents close contact."