life

Dad's Choice of Movies Is Inappropriate for Young Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my father has begun to watch films with graphic sexual scenes when he gets home from work. When I ask him to please watch them on his own time, when my three younger siblings aren't in the house, he tells me that because he pays the bills he has the right to do what he wants.

Abby, not only do these graphic movies make me uncomfortable, I'm worried my siblings will begin asking questions. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN OREGON

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: If there are adult relatives who can convince your dad that what he's doing is unwise -- an aunt, uncle, grandparent -- talk to them about what's going on right away. If there aren't, then a trusted teacher or counselor at school should be informed because what your father is doing is extremely inappropriate. Exposing children to graphic images can give them unrealistic expectations about what sex is really all about.

Family & Parenting
life

Ghost Of Broken Engagement Shadows Wedding Dress

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have talked about becoming engaged. The subject of the wedding dress came up. She broke off a past engagement last year, and she has asked me whether it would be OK for her to use the dress she chose for the wedding that didn't happen. She says only her mother and the seamstress have seen it. She doesn't want to be out $1,000 and says she does not associate the gown with her ex-fiance.

I feel we should try to sell the dress, although it was tailored for her, and pick a new one. What do you think is appropriate? I don't like the idea of looking back at the wedding photos and thinking the dress was meant for another man. -- FUTURE HUSBAND IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HUSBAND: Actually, the dress was meant for your fiancee and not another man. There are specialists who can redesign an existing wedding dress. However, because you have negative associations with this gown, offer to sweeten the pot by chipping in if she can't get $1,000 for the one she has. I think the most "appropriate" thing on your wedding day should be that you are both comfortable, happy and, above all, in sync.

Love & DatingMoneyEtiquette & Ethics
life

Man Moves Past Hardships Of Life Without Shedding A Tear

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I don't sympathize or empathize with others. When people are sad or upset over deaths, failed relationships, etc., my reaction is annoyance at the person because I feel I'm being forced to offer an emotion I don't genuinely feel. I have experienced all of these things in my own life, but I have never shed tears about them or let them cripple me. I view these things as part of life and move on.

As I get older, it is getting harder and harder for me to fake these emotions. My wife was in tears for a couple of days because someone she knew died. I tried to pretend to empathize with her, but I found myself getting annoyed by what I thought was her overreaction. Someone she knew died; it happens to all of us. Let's move on. Is something wrong with me? -- MOVING ON IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOVING ON: Some people live the veneer of life; others live the hardwood. It appears you are among the former and insulated against painful emotions. However, I'm cautioning you to be patient and show respect for the feelings of others who have more emotional depth, or you may be spending a lot of time alone in the future.

Mental Health
life

Mother-in-Law's Prayer Is Just One of Many 'Keepers'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 11th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost my address book in which I kept a copy of your "Keepers" booklet that I had sent away for a few years ago. I love the memorable poems and essays in it.

I'd like to replace the booklet if it is available. I read through it so many times and now feel lost without it. I have read your advice for many years. Any help or information would be greatly appreciated. -- PENNY IN EUREKA, MO.

DEAR PENNY: I'm glad you enjoyed my "Keepers" booklet, and yes, it is available. It is light reading and contains poems and essays collected by my mother that have appeared in this column. So many readers requested reprints on humorous and inspirational items that hold special meaning for them that Mom decided to compile them into a booklet. To order a replacement for yours, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Allow me to share one of the gems that always makes me smile:

A MOTHER-IN-LAW'S PRAYER

"O, Lord, help me to be glad when my son (or daughter) picks a mate. If he brings home a girl with two heads, let me love both of them equally. And when my son says, 'Mom, I want to get married,' forbid that I should blurt out, 'How far along is she?'

"And please, Lord, help me to get through the wedding preparations without a squabble with the 'other side.' And drive from my mind the belief that had my child waited awhile, he or she could have done better.

"Dear Lord, remind me daily that when I become a grandmother, my children don't want advice on how to raise their children any more than I did when I was raising mine.

"If you will help me to do these things, perhaps my children will find me a joy to be around, and maybe I won't have to write a 'Dear Abby' letter complaining about my children neglecting me. Amen."

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Courtesy Dictates: Once A President, Always A President

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 11th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to know why they still call ex-presidents "president"? For example, President Clinton or President Bush. They clearly are not president any longer. -- JUST WONDERING IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR JUST WONDERING: True. However, this is a courtesy, a gesture of respect extended to individuals for their public service. Included in this category are retired former presidents, senators, governors, mayors and high-ranking military officers.

life

Happy Single Man Feels Pressure From His Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 10th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have never had a long-term relationship. My friends and family kept calling me out for it. I tried online dating and setups by friends and family, but nothing worked out. In fact, the constant questions only annoyed me more. With all my friends happily married and settled, I started resenting their intrusion into my life.

A couple of years ago, I decided to take a break from dating because I couldn't handle the stress anymore. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it. I never revealed this to my friends. After a few years of silence, my "well-wishers" began commenting again on my single status, and it annoys me to no end. I have started staying away from them.

Is there any way I can convince everyone that I am a normal straight male who just likes to be left alone? I enjoy get-togethers, as long as the topic of my singlehood doesn't become the joke of the day. Please advise. -- PRETTY COOL DUDE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PRETTY COOL DUDE: Talk to some of your close friends and tell them you are happy being single. Tell them their comments about your single status and being made to feel like the "joke of the day" isn't funny to you -- it's embarrassing. Tell them, just as you told me, that if it doesn't stop, they will be seeing less of you. Friends will be sensitive to your feelings, although occasionally they still may try to fix you up because some people can't resist the urge to matchmake.

P.S. Because all of your friends are married, try to form some new relationships with single people.

Love & Dating
life

Kids' Use Of Tablets In Church Gets Grandma's Blessing

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 10th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I attend a small church with two of my grandchildren, ages 5 and 10. About 90 percent of the time they are the only children there. They are very active in the church and are the bell ringers, candle lighters and offering collectors. They partake in the welcoming and special prayers, lead the Pledge of Allegiance, sing songs and do communion when we have it.

I allow them to bring their iPads to occupy them during the sermon -- on silent, of course. I feel that because they participate so much in all other areas and the "adult" sermon is usually over their heads, there is no harm done. My sister, however, insists it is rude and disrespectful. She is constantly getting after them, telling them to put their iPads away and pay attention.

None of the other church members have a problem with it, not even the pastor. What do you think? Should they be able to continue to keep occupied and not be disruptive to others, or should they power them down? -- KEEPING THE PEACE IN MISSOURI

DEAR KEEPING THE PEACE: Right now those children are active, engaged and enthusiastic about participating in the services. I see nothing to be gained by forcing them to listen to a sermon they can neither relate to nor understand. Because the pastor and other church members have no objection to what your grandchildren are doing on their iPads, the person who should "power down" is your sister.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics

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