DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both Caucasian. Recently, we adopted a beautiful mixed-race baby girl. She's Vietnamese, African-American and Hispanic. She is not even 4 months old, and already we have experienced some negative comments from strangers.

Where we live is progressive and open-minded, and I'm not so much concerned about our neighborhood or schools. But I'm no dummy. I know we're going to encounter people who have "questions" or unwarranted "opinions" (to put it nicely).

I'm not trying to educate those who choose to remain ignorant, nor reason with the unreasonable, or even explain our family and our choices. I just want a quick, witty response that tells people their not-so-nice comments are unwelcome and, to put it frankly, back off. Any suggestion? -- OPEN-MINDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: According to the 2010 census, 9 million Americans (2.9 percent of the population) are multiracial. It also showed that the number of people who reported multiple races grew by a larger percentage than those reporting a single race.

Frankly, I don't think you should say anything "witty" to a bigot. Just smile and say, "It's the wave of the future. Get used to it."

DEAR ABBY: For the past year I have been with a man I love dearly. We live together and share our lives as independent young adults.

The problem is his mother. She was cold and distant to him when he was a child, and her emotional abuse has continued into his adulthood. Holidays are a nightmare, visits a chore, and his phone calls with her often leave him in tears.

I wanted him to come with me to spend the holidays with my family, but she guilted him into spending them with her. I hate seeing him go through this, and I don't know what I can do about it. I think she is a toxic influence and he needs to cut her out of his life altogether. Advice? -- PROTECTING MY GUY

DEAR PROTECTING: What you think about his mother isn't as important as what your boyfriend does. From your description, their relationship is unhealthy. My advice is to encourage your boyfriend to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. If he does, it may give him the incentive he needs to distance himself from her.

P.S. When the next family holidays come around, by all means invite him to spend them with your family. That way he will have a chance to see how a normal family functions.

DEAR ABBY: When my in-laws come for dinner, they ask what they can bring. I always say "absolutely nothing," but they bring dessert or a bottle of wine, and then take the uneaten dessert or uncorked bottles of wine home with them. What's the rule of etiquette when someone brings items to a party? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WONDERING: When guests bring something to their hostess -- a bottle of wine or dessert -- it is considered a gift. For guests to commandeer the leftovers without them having been offered is poor manners.

DEAR ABBY: A family member, "Bill," likes to come visit in the afternoons and, because he's not comfortable driving in the dark, he always plans to stay overnight. When he does, he wakes up very early, often before 6 a.m.

Bill tries to be as quiet as possible, but we know when he is up. Our dog hears someone moving around and thinks it's time to go out and eat. My husband or I will get up to take care of our dog, but at that point, it seems rude to go back to bed. My husband likes to go back to sleep, but I feel I should get up and entertain our guest. Is it bad manners to go back to sleep even though it is still very early? -- TO SLEEP, OR NOT TO SLEEP

DEAR T.S. or N.T.S.: If you need your sleep, go back to bed. The right amount of sleep is important, and not getting it can ruin one's entire day.

If you're concerned about Bill not having a good breakfast, before going to bed, put the coffeemaker on "automatic" and show him where the cereal is kept. That's not being a bad hostess, and I'm sure Bill will be just fine.

DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to "A Mom in Connecticut" (Dec. 27), who feels she is being "fitted in" because her daughter calls her only while driving in her car.

My daughter calls me almost every morning on her way to work. She calls me her "commute buddy." It gives us 10 to 15 minutes to catch up, vent about "stuff" on both ends of the phone, or just chat. I can tell when she arrives at work or very nearly, and we always end with "Love you."

I love our conversations and the fact that although she has an extremely busy schedule she finds the time to chat with me. She uses her hands-free phone, so I don't worry too much about her being distracted. -- SHEILA IN PRESCOTT, ARIZ.

DEAR SHEILA: You may not be worried about your daughter using a hands-free phone, but others have a different view. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Drivers on cellphones -- even hands-free -- are four times more likely to crash and hurt themselves or someone else within five minutes of making a call. Texters are 23 times more likely to crash. More than 3,000 people are killed this way each year and 300,000 to 500,000 are injured. The daughter should not be using a phone at all while driving.

How do I know the statistics? My son was killed by a driver on a cellphone. -- GARY IN KENOSHA, WIS.

DEAR GARY: Please accept my condolences for the tragic loss of your son. You are generous to have written. Too often people take the privilege of driving for granted, forgetting that if they don't concentrate fully on driving, they place themselves and those around them in danger. I see this happen often, and I'm afraid that unless the consequences are draconian, it will continue.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently told by a friend that my husband had sent her texts of an inappropriate and sexual nature. My husband didn't deny that he sent them and refused to tell me what he sent.

This woman is envious of my husband and jealous of our relationship. She often comments about how she'd love to have a man like mine, etc. My concern is, he admits he texted her, but I don't understand why. My intuition tells me she told me the truth, but I want to trust my husband.

Now I'm suspicious. I always want to check his phone, and analyze every aspect of our life and marriage. I feel this has put a huge wedge between us, and I no longer feel the same love and passion for him. Please help. What do I do now? Is my marriage over? -- SUSPICIOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your marriage may not be over, but it could be in jeopardy. Considering what has been going on, you have every right to be concerned.

Marriage counseling may help you and your husband get back on track if he's willing to go with you. But if he isn't, then for your own sake, get counseling on your own because you may need to talk to someone who isn't emotionally involved in your turmoil. It will make you stronger.

DEAR ABBY: Every time my new wife and I visit my mom or she visits us, my mother scratches my back, rubs my arm, rests her hand on my inner thigh, tickles me, hugs me or touches me any chance she gets. I don't reciprocate or validate the touching, but I don't discourage it either. She has been this way for so long that I've just gotten used to it. I never noticed how creepy it was until my wife mentioned something.

The problem is, how do I address this with my mother? I don't want to throw my wife under the bus as the reason for the discussion, but I am not sure how believable it will be if I suddenly say after 30-plus years that it bothers me. I want the message that I feel she should stop touching me at every opportunity to come from me. How do I have this conversation? What can I say? -- NO MEANS NO

DEAR NO MEANS NO: Say, "I love you, Mom, and I know I should have mentioned this before, but when you do that, it makes me uncomfortable, so please stop." If she wants to know why, all you have to do is tell her you know she loves you, but you think what she's doing is excessive.

DEAR ABBY: We go out to eat occasionally with another couple I'll call Jack and Jill. Most restaurants around here offer free refills on soft drinks or self-serve. Jack will order water (free) to drink while Jill orders a soda. They then take their empty glasses and refill them with a colorless soft drink.

They see nothing wrong with the practice. We think it's stealing, and we are embarrassed. What are your thoughts, and how should we react when this is done in front of us? Lately we have been making excuses to avoid going out with them. -- EATING WITH CHEAPSKATES

DEAR E.W.C.: I agree that it's stealing. Jack and Jill are taking something to which they are not entitled. Have you spoken to them about it? If you have, then because their behavior makes you uncomfortable, you are justified in not going out with them.