life

Woman Misses the Affection That Fiance Shows to Pets

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 2nd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Bubba," and I have a small disagreement that I would love your take on. He constantly complains that he's too tired, or annoyed or busy, to show me romantic or friendly affection and attention. But he goes out of his way to snuggle and play with our two dogs and cat.

I get jealous when he kisses our dogs over and over again, or stays up later to play with the cat. He thinks I am overreacting.

Am I being petty, or am I justified in thinking that if he has the time and energy to give affection and love to our animals, he should do the same for the woman he's about to make his wife? -- INSULTED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR INSULTED: You're not overreacting or being petty. Perhaps when Bubba is cuddling the animals, you should remind him that humans need to feel loved in the same way they do. Bubba appears to be extremely insensitive. Please reconsider your engagement, because if you marry Bubba, you may end up starving for affection for as long as the marriage lasts.

Love & Dating
life

Greeting Cards Are Welcome Gift For Mom In Nursing Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 2nd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is now in a nursing home. When my husband's birthday came around, he was depressed by the fact that it was the first time in his life he hadn't gotten a birthday card from her.

So, after struggling to think of a Christmas present for her, I went to the dollar store and bought four Christmas cards and four birthday cards (one for each of her children). I took them to her and had her sign and add a personal note to each one.

I addressed, stamped and mailed the Christmas cards. I will mail the birthday ones at the appropriate times during the year. It was an inexpensive gift, and kind of fun! -- SENDING LOVE IN CEDAR RAPIDS

DEAR SENDING LOVE: It may have been an inexpensive gift, but I'm sure it was precious not only to her but also for each of the recipients. Your idea was lovely, and thank you for sharing it with my readers. Some of them may want to emulate it for other holidays or special occasions.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Son Writes Off Parents Who Won't Co-Sign For Loan

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 2nd, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, our son, who is in his 50s, cut off all communication with us and our side of the family. He is self-employed, a hard worker and has three siblings.

He wanted us to co-sign on a loan for a house in another state. The payments would have run us out of money in three years, which would have meant putting our own home up for sale.

Our reason for refusing was we didn't want to risk becoming a burden on our children. My husband and I had to help our own parents, so we have been frugal and never lived above our means.

I send postcards to my son to let him know our love is constant. Should I stop and just leave him alone, as he has asked? -- FORGOTTEN MOM IN ARKANSAS

DEAR MOM: Your son should not have expected you to do anything at this stage of your lives that could jeopardize your remaining years. But if it brings you comfort, I see nothing wrong with sending him the occasional postcard.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

A House Is Worth Having Only if It Feels Like Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 1st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and my husband is 27. We've been married for two years. Since our wedding, I have felt an overwhelming amount of pressure to "settle down and buy a house."

One friend's boyfriend recently bought a house. She lives with him. Every time we get together she brags about how important it is to buy a house and not "waste money" by renting an apartment.

My husband and I are happy renting because it allows us the money to travel and experience life together. The thought of being tied down to a mortgage at 23 years old for the next 30 years doesn't sit well with me. I am new in my career and have no idea where it may take me.

I understand that buying a house is a good investment. I often feel as if we are the "minority," as it seems everyone is rushing to settle down, have children, buy a house, etc.

Is it wrong that we would rather wait, enjoy ourselves traveling and doing what we like to do, and then follow the status quo and sign a mortgage that will tie us down for the next 30 years? -- FEELING PRESSURED IN MARYLAND

DEAR PRESSURED: Have you ever heard the saying, "Different strokes for different folks"? You appear to be pressuring yourself as a result of your friend's bragging. Whether or not to buy a home is a personal decision, and one that can vary from couple to couple (or person to person). You do not need to "keep up with the Joneses" or do anything you don't feel ready for.

A house is more than a roof over one's head. It can also be a reservoir of money that accrues as equity. If you're afraid that if you buy a home you will be trapped for 30 years, think again. People have been known to change homes several times in a lifetime. However, because you and your husband would prefer to take your time and wait to buy until you're more established in your careers, then that's what you should do.

Money
life

Cat Person Recoils From Dogs' Exuberant Greetings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 1st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a cat person. I'm not particularly fond of dogs, especially when they jump on you, try to lick you or sit in your lap, etc. This is regardless of the breed or size.

My question is, when visiting someone who has a dog that behaves like this, what should I do? It makes me really uncomfortable, and sometimes I don't even want to visit someone's home if I know I'm going to be slobbered on or have my clothes soiled or damaged by their dogs. -- UNCOMFORTABLE CAT PERSON

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: A way to ensure it won't happen would be to talk to the dog owner in advance, explain that it makes you very uncomfortable when animals do this and ask that the dog be kept in another room while you're there. But if you are looking for a guarantee, ask the person you want to visit with to come to your home or to meet you in a pet-free place.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Pregnant Teen Needs Support and Guidance, Not Rejection

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 28th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My best friend from school is pregnant. Her baby's father is practically nonexistent, and she has no other friends besides me and one other person. I am the only one so far who knows about her pregnancy. She hasn't told her dad and her grandparents because she's scared they'll kick her out. She has nowhere to go. My parents have told me to cut her off. What should I do? -- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: Because your friend is afraid to tell her family, she should talk to a counselor at school. The family will have to know soon because her pregnancy will become obvious, and she will need prenatal care so her baby will be born healthy.

I don't agree with your parents that you should "cut her off." She needs friends right now -- and you can learn much from watching this scenario from the sidelines. Stress to her how important it is that she graduates from high school, because if she keeps her baby, she will need to be able to support it. Your state department of social services should also be contacted for guidance.

Work & SchoolFamily & ParentingHealth & SafetyTeens
life

Fiance Refuses To Give Up His Female 'Friends'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 28th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a man, "Keith," who has numerous female "friends." I suspect they are something more. Recently, during my second pregnancy, one of his "friends" decided to follow me, but would never say a word to me.

When I tell Keith I am uncomfortable with these women, he says I have "no right to dictate his personal life."

I want to know if I'm wrong for not wanting to have to deal with these "friends," even if they were his friends before we got together. -- ADRIFT IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR ADRIFT: Listen to your gut. If one of Keith's "friends" was stalking you, your feelings about her are probably accurate.

You have already had at least one child with your fiance. Recognize that Keith won't change much if you manage to drag him to the altar. If he is telling you now that your feelings don't matter ("you have no right to dictate his personal life"), I hope you realize this is how his attitude will be forever.

Personally, I wouldn't wish a life with someone this self-absorbed on anyone I cared about. But if more of the same is what you are prepared to settle for, then all anyone can do is wish you luck.

Love & Dating
life

Road Trip Hits A Pothole Over Cost Of Gas

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 28th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Two friends decide to take a road trip to Miami. One lives in New York and the other in North Carolina. They agree to use the New Yorker's car and split the cost of the gas.

The New Yorker says the amount to be split is the cost of the fuel from New York to Miami and back to New York. The North Carolinian says the cost to be split should be from North Carolina to Miami and back to North Carolina. Which is fair? -- ROAD WEARY

DEAR ROAD WEARY: Really? If you two can't agree on your own, I have a suggestion for you: Cancel the trip. If you do, it may save the friendship.

MoneyFriends & Neighbors

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