life

A House Is Worth Having Only if It Feels Like Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 1st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and my husband is 27. We've been married for two years. Since our wedding, I have felt an overwhelming amount of pressure to "settle down and buy a house."

One friend's boyfriend recently bought a house. She lives with him. Every time we get together she brags about how important it is to buy a house and not "waste money" by renting an apartment.

My husband and I are happy renting because it allows us the money to travel and experience life together. The thought of being tied down to a mortgage at 23 years old for the next 30 years doesn't sit well with me. I am new in my career and have no idea where it may take me.

I understand that buying a house is a good investment. I often feel as if we are the "minority," as it seems everyone is rushing to settle down, have children, buy a house, etc.

Is it wrong that we would rather wait, enjoy ourselves traveling and doing what we like to do, and then follow the status quo and sign a mortgage that will tie us down for the next 30 years? -- FEELING PRESSURED IN MARYLAND

DEAR PRESSURED: Have you ever heard the saying, "Different strokes for different folks"? You appear to be pressuring yourself as a result of your friend's bragging. Whether or not to buy a home is a personal decision, and one that can vary from couple to couple (or person to person). You do not need to "keep up with the Joneses" or do anything you don't feel ready for.

A house is more than a roof over one's head. It can also be a reservoir of money that accrues as equity. If you're afraid that if you buy a home you will be trapped for 30 years, think again. People have been known to change homes several times in a lifetime. However, because you and your husband would prefer to take your time and wait to buy until you're more established in your careers, then that's what you should do.

Money
life

Cat Person Recoils From Dogs' Exuberant Greetings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 1st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a cat person. I'm not particularly fond of dogs, especially when they jump on you, try to lick you or sit in your lap, etc. This is regardless of the breed or size.

My question is, when visiting someone who has a dog that behaves like this, what should I do? It makes me really uncomfortable, and sometimes I don't even want to visit someone's home if I know I'm going to be slobbered on or have my clothes soiled or damaged by their dogs. -- UNCOMFORTABLE CAT PERSON

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: A way to ensure it won't happen would be to talk to the dog owner in advance, explain that it makes you very uncomfortable when animals do this and ask that the dog be kept in another room while you're there. But if you are looking for a guarantee, ask the person you want to visit with to come to your home or to meet you in a pet-free place.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Pregnant Teen Needs Support and Guidance, Not Rejection

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 28th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My best friend from school is pregnant. Her baby's father is practically nonexistent, and she has no other friends besides me and one other person. I am the only one so far who knows about her pregnancy. She hasn't told her dad and her grandparents because she's scared they'll kick her out. She has nowhere to go. My parents have told me to cut her off. What should I do? -- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: Because your friend is afraid to tell her family, she should talk to a counselor at school. The family will have to know soon because her pregnancy will become obvious, and she will need prenatal care so her baby will be born healthy.

I don't agree with your parents that you should "cut her off." She needs friends right now -- and you can learn much from watching this scenario from the sidelines. Stress to her how important it is that she graduates from high school, because if she keeps her baby, she will need to be able to support it. Your state department of social services should also be contacted for guidance.

TeensHealth & SafetyFamily & ParentingWork & School
life

Fiance Refuses To Give Up His Female 'Friends'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 28th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a man, "Keith," who has numerous female "friends." I suspect they are something more. Recently, during my second pregnancy, one of his "friends" decided to follow me, but would never say a word to me.

When I tell Keith I am uncomfortable with these women, he says I have "no right to dictate his personal life."

I want to know if I'm wrong for not wanting to have to deal with these "friends," even if they were his friends before we got together. -- ADRIFT IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR ADRIFT: Listen to your gut. If one of Keith's "friends" was stalking you, your feelings about her are probably accurate.

You have already had at least one child with your fiance. Recognize that Keith won't change much if you manage to drag him to the altar. If he is telling you now that your feelings don't matter ("you have no right to dictate his personal life"), I hope you realize this is how his attitude will be forever.

Personally, I wouldn't wish a life with someone this self-absorbed on anyone I cared about. But if more of the same is what you are prepared to settle for, then all anyone can do is wish you luck.

Love & Dating
life

Road Trip Hits A Pothole Over Cost Of Gas

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 28th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Two friends decide to take a road trip to Miami. One lives in New York and the other in North Carolina. They agree to use the New Yorker's car and split the cost of the gas.

The New Yorker says the amount to be split is the cost of the fuel from New York to Miami and back to New York. The North Carolinian says the cost to be split should be from North Carolina to Miami and back to North Carolina. Which is fair? -- ROAD WEARY

DEAR ROAD WEARY: Really? If you two can't agree on your own, I have a suggestion for you: Cancel the trip. If you do, it may save the friendship.

Friends & NeighborsMoney
life

Sleepwalker's Restless Habit Has Turned Into a Nightmare

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 27th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to "Tony," whom I have known since first grade. We live with his mother under the same roof, but in separate rooms. Tony is perfect in every way except one: He's a restless sleeper.

Sometimes he wakes up shouting. He has fallen down the stairs and woken up in different rooms. He talks in his sleep as well. I thought I could live with it, but a month ago things changed.

I came home late and he was sleeping downstairs. I think he thought I was an intruder. He woke up and ran at me. He started trying to hit me and was shouting. I was screaming and crying, "Honey!" over and over to wake him up. He says he would never hurt me, but when he ran at me, it was clear he didn't recognize me.

For a week after that, I slept with a barricade against my door. Now I'm terrified of him when he's asleep. I know it's only a matter of time before we move out on our own and will be sleeping in the same room, or trying. How can I get over this fear or help him to sleep more soundly? -- COWERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COWERING: You can help your fiance by getting him to a sleep disorder specialist, because that's his problem. Frankly, I am surprised he hasn't seen one before now. His doctor can refer him, or he can go online to find one near you. Please don't wait until something like this happens again, or he hurts himself falling down stairs while sleepwalking.

Health & Safety
life

No Room At The Lunch Table For Supervisor Of Retired Co-Workers

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 27th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We are a group of 10 friends, all retirees from the same large organization. We meet for lunch every few weeks and enjoy talking amongst ourselves about people we knew and situations that took place in our old jobs.

A supervisor many of us had work issues with is about to retire. We are concerned that it's only a matter of time until she approaches us and wants to join our lunch group. We have thought about saying it's "loose-knit" and "we have no formal time or place," but that's not exactly true, and we're sure she wouldn't be deterred by that.

I wish I had the nerve to tell her the group is for us rank-and-file employees -- no supervisors allowed. Because we may run into her from time to time once she is retired, we want to be gracious but assertive about our refusal to have her join us. Advice? -- GROUP MEMBER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR GROUP MEMBER: If the woman approaches you (keep in mind that your worries may not materialize and you may not be asked), remember she's no longer your supervisor and can no longer affect your life in any way. If she asks if she can join you, you should tell her no. And if she asks why, explain it to her exactly as you explained it to me. It's the truth. (As we sow, so shall we reap.)

Work & School
life

Man Should Put A Shirt On To Welcome Guests

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 27th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Does a male in his own home, walking around bare-chested, have to put a shirt on when someone is going to enter the home from the outside? -- DAVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAVE: If there is any question that the person entering your home might be offended, out of consideration, you should cover up. A close friend or family member might not mind, but it's better to err on the side of caution.

Etiquette & Ethics

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