DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Carla" for 16 years. It's my second marriage. My problem is I never see her. She has always spent more time with her mother than with me. We see each other for about an hour a day after she returns from her mom's, usually at 9:45 to 10 p.m.

I have had several conversations about this with her over the years, but nothing seems to work. We'll argue and she starts to cry, and it ends without a resolution. Her mother is in her mid-80s and has had her share of health problems.

Carla has a sister who could help out, but rarely does. I have had health problems of my own -- a kidney transplant and several bouts of skin cancer -- but she doesn't seem to care as much about my problems as she does her mom's. Her mother even tells her to go home to be with me, to no avail.

I love my wife, but my isolation and loneliness are finally getting to me. How can I convince her that this isn't fair to me or our marriage? How much longer do I take it? -- LONELY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LONELY: I feel sorry for both of you. Your wife may be trying so hard to be a responsible daughter that she has forgotten you need her, too. Your sister-in-law should have stepped up and started doing her share long ago -- and she still may if you and your wife talk to her about it together.

I don't know what your schedule is like, but you might have more time with Carla if you went with her to your mother-in-law's occasionally. It might also improve your communication if the two of you went for marriage counseling. If Carla's mother has to insist she go home to you, there may be reasons other than her mother's health for Carla's spending so much time away.

Nothing will change until you get to the bottom of it, so don't let your wife's tears prevent you. And if your wife resists seeing a counselor, go without her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently quit our jobs and moved to London from New York. Being a freelancer and having lived here before, he's never had trouble finding work. But I have just changed careers, and I'm finding it hard to earn a consistent paycheck here.

Despite his constant assurances that he is happy supporting both of us right now, I can't shake feeling guilty. I have never felt right living on someone else's dime -- not even my parents' while I was growing up. Should I man up and find a job I don't exactly love to better contribute, or "keep on truckin'" without guilt with hopes of getting there? -- GUILTY IN LONDON

DEAR GUILTY: Because of your history, I'm not sure you are capable of happily "keepin' on truckin'" without contributing financially. For some people, the sense of independence they derive from having a job is important to their self-worth.

I say, look around and see if there are some job openings. It's better than sitting around moping and feeling guilty, and it might give you and your husband a chance to make some new friends.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman with a teenaged daughter. I maintain a good relationship with my ex-husband and his family, and still consider them my family.

The problem is, my ex and our daughter have a strained relationship, mostly because he makes little effort to spend time with her. He doesn't attend her school functions, and most of the time when she's with him he's sleeping or watching TV. She is also sick of the multiple girlfriends that cycle in and out of his life. He doesn't realize how much these things affect her.

She has asked me not to make her see him anymore. She's 15, and I'm unsure if the law allows her to make that decision, but I think it's unwise and she would regret it later. I also worry that everyone in the family will blame me, and my relationship with them will be strained.

I don't know if I should just tell him she won't be coming to his house anymore or if I should continue to make her go. I'm not sure he really cares. I'd appreciate any advice. -- WORRIED MOM IN ARKANSAS

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Have you discussed this with your ex? If you have and nothing has changed, then I don't think you should force your daughter to go any longer. But check with a lawyer to be sure about the law in your state.

When daughters are ignored the way yours has been, they begin to think there's something wrong with themselves -- that they deserve it. It can have a lasting negative impact on a girl's self-esteem, which is not healthy. That she no longer wants to be subjected to it is understandable.

If you're afraid your former in-laws will blame you, tell them what you have told me. Whether your ex cares or is relieved is something no one can know until she doesn't show up, and I sincerely doubt she'll have any regrets about not having to tolerate those distasteful visits later on.

DEAR ABBY: My social circle includes a woman who has problems in restaurants. Something comes over her in this environment -- either the waiter is ignoring her, the order is taking too long, she wants to tweak the menu to her liking, the cost is too high or there's a mistake on the bill. There is no end to it.

One night she didn't like the salad, so she picked up bits of it and tossed them on the table. Needless to say, no one wants to go out with her anymore. Her husband, however, is a great guy. When we mentioned this to him, he replied, "You've noticed it, too?"

Have you heard of this? What's wrong with her? She is strong-willed in most things, but the restaurant scene is her extreme. Any light you can shed on this would be most appreciated. -- LOST MY APPETITE IN INDIANA

DEAR LOST: Having never met the woman, it's hard to pinpoint what may be wrong. She may have OCD, be easily frustrated, or be displacing anger or frustration about something else onto the servers who cannot defend themselves.

Frankly, the woman sounds like a pain in the posterior, and because she makes a habit of making those around her uncomfortable, I'm having trouble understanding why you continue to socialize with them. Many people wouldn't. Perhaps the husbands can arrange to see him socially without her being present.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 20 years. He adopted my oldest son, and we have three kids together. All of our children are loved and accepted by his extended family; my in-laws refer to me as their daughter.

Everything is fine with the exception of my husband's brother "Todd" and his wife, "Pearl." Mostly it's Pearl. Todd goes along with her because he's a good husband.

Abby, Pearl hates me. She literally hates me. After many years of strange rules placed on us regarding them and their children, the ugly truth came out six months ago. They wish we had never gotten married, and do not agree with or accept our marriage and children. With no further explanation, their relationship with us is over. Not only with us, but the rest of the family as well!

My head tells me it's their problem, but my heart is heavy. We are all grieving, but seeing my in-laws' heartache when we visit with or talk to them makes me feel guilty. What do I do to get over this and not feel responsible for their actions? -- FEELING GUILTY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: If Pearl and Todd have estranged themselves from the entire family, remember that this is their problem. If they are happier going their own way, you must allow them to continue on their chosen path.

While I'm sure it's painful to see your in-laws grieve, you are not responsible for anyone else's actions, so stop torturing yourself with guilt. Continue being the loving, supportive daughter-in-law and wife you have always been. Stay busy and involved with your own life. There is probably more to this than you have put in your letter, but the person with the problem is your sister-in-law. If you continue to internalize it, you are making a mistake.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who began homeschooling two of her children five years ago, but I honestly don't know how long she kept with it. I know for sure that she is no longer homeschooling, nor is she sending her children to any other school.

Is this any of my business? I go back and forth about whether to report what's going on, but I'm afraid of what kind of trouble my friend will get into. Then I think about the education and friendships her children are missing.

Her kids are completely isolated, sleep all day, stay up all night and hardly go outside at all. The situation is strange. I feel it's my responsibility to report the truancy, but I'd appreciate your opinion. -- TRUANCY IN OHIO

DEAR TRUANCY: Children have only a brief window of time in which to learn the skills they will need to survive in our society. Basic reading and math skills are critical, and so are civics.

What you describe could be considered a form of child neglect, so please do report it for the sake of the kids. Something may be very wrong in your friend's household, and an investigation should take place to make sure the children aren't also suffering from any other sort of deprivation.