DEAR ABBY: I recently started working at the hospital where my husband receives his primary care. One afternoon, out of curiosity, I accessed his medical records. In his file it was noted that he is high risk for STDs. In fact, he was treated for two different ones some years back.

I have been tested for STDs during all my annual physicals, and the results were always negative. I think it's because we often go for weeks without any sexual contact.

What should I do with this information? How do I talk to him about it without letting him know that I'm aware of his medical history? -- CONCERNED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CONCERNED: Unless you claim to be clairvoyant, I don't see how you can discuss this without admitting you accessed his medical records, which is against the law. Be prepared for him to be irate, because the best defense is a strong offense. You are lucky your husband hasn't given you an STD.

By all means talk with him about this, if only to find out whether you have sex so infrequently because he's having relations with other people. Now that you know what has been going on, you have some serious thinking to do about staying in this marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I had an abusive boyfriend who, I realized later, had abused his wife and children. After we broke up, my close friend and neighbor asked me if I'd mind if she went out with him. I initially said no, but after thinking about it, I thought how could she? She knew how he had treated me, pushing, shoving and isolating me from my friends.

I had words with her about it, and she said she wasn't there, so she didn't know if it really happened. What kind of a woman wouldn't support me?

He is over there often, and I live right next door. I am furious with her. Do I have a right to be? -- ALICE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ALICE: Your friend must be desperate for male companionship, or incredibly naive in failing to recognize that what happened to you (and the man's former wife) won't also happen to her. Please don't waste your time being angry. You are lucky to be rid of your abuser and should be grateful you realized he was one before he caused you physical harm.

DEAR ABBY: A woman I know has a husband who is deployed. I would like to send her a card offering support and love, to tell her how thankful I am for both of their sacrifices in the service of our country.

Can you assist with wording and other ideas on how I can be supportive? She lives far away, so this will all be long distance. I don't want to come across wrong or say something that could offend.

I ran across an article the other day on what not to say to military wives, and I'm afraid I may have committed a faux pas and don't want to do it again. -- CIVILIAN IN IOWA

DEAR CIVILIAN: If you think you "may" have committed a breach of etiquette, pick up the phone, call the woman and offer an apology. Explain that you read an article about what not to say to military wives, and hope you didn't offend her. Offer to stay in touch -- if that's what she would like -- so you can let her know she and her husband are in your thoughts, and let her suggest other ways you might be helpful even though you are geographically distant.

DEAR ABBY: I need help! I have shoplifted several times. I was caught and have a police record. I am a grandparent. I know it's wrong, and I don't do it all the time. Is this a mental disorder, or am I just being stupid? If I know this is wrong, why do I keep doing it? And where do I start to look for help? -- STICKY FINGERS

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: Some people shoplift because they are criminals, some do it for "thrills," and others do it to make up for something else that is missing in their lives. Because you know what you are doing is wrong, would like to understand your compulsion and want to stop, the person to discuss this with is a psychologist. Your physician can refer you to one, or contact your state psychological association to find someone in your area.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have called it quits after three years. Distance was the main reason. It wasn't a bad breakup, but it's still a difficult transition for both of us. She would rather we not see or speak to each other for a while to let things heal.

Her birthday is coming up soon, and I don't feel right not acknowledging it. Her special day means a lot to her, and I still love and respect her for who she is. Is sending a card and gift appropriate, or should I just leave her be? -- DISTANCE WAS THE REASON

DEAR DISTANCE: Send a birthday card and tell her that because the day is special, you couldn't let it pass unacknowledged. It shouldn't be necessary to send a gift in light of the fact that you are no longer a couple.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting married in September. In June, she's planning to have a bachelorette party in Mexico.

My husband and I have never been to Mexico and thought, "Why not kill two birds with one stone?" Because I'm afraid of flying, I want my husband and son to also go to Mexico, but stay at a different resort. The party is only for three days, so when everyone else goes home, my husband and I will extend our stay.

I have gone on girl vacations to Las Vegas before, where my husband has traveled with me and then gone and done his own thing. We would meet up after the girl vacation. I don't see a problem with his traveling to Mexico, but my daughter absolutely objects. What do you think? -- NO PROBLEM IN COLORADO

DEAR NO: Could this be a telltale warning sign of a budding bridezilla? Your daughter appears to be making a problem where none exists. If your husband and son will stay at a different resort, they might as well be back in the states. That they are in Mexico shouldn't inconvenience or inhibit your daughter at all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS: The Lunar New Year begins today. This year is the year of the goat. People born in the year of the goat are gentle, serene, calm and mild-mannered. They are creative, persevering, resilient and possess excellent defensive skills. They prefer to be in groups and work in teams and, I am told, they can be flirtatious. A happy, healthy and prosperous new year to all who celebrate it. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a handsome executive who works out of town. I'm a professional with a responsible job that limits my ability to travel.

I needed to borrow his phone recently and noticed that one of his colleagues has been texting him after hours. She asks if he has traveled safely, tells him she misses him, how much she enjoys working with him -- all with romantic emoticons. I'm concerned that the flattery and emoticons indicate she wants more than a work-based relationship. She's married with kids. How should I approach this? -- WORRIED WIFE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Because there have been more than one of these flirtatious, unbusinesslike communications, assume that your husband hasn't discouraged them. Confront him. Tell him you feel what she's doing is a threat to your marriage, and you want it stopped. But before you do, make copies of the texts so you can confront the woman with them if she doesn't stop.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for a man to talk on his cellphone at the urinal in a public restroom, or for a woman to talk on the phone while using the toilet in one of the stalls?

Also, please remind everyone to wash their hands after using the restroom. -- RUSSELL IN RICHLAND, WASH.

DEAR RUSSELL: I can think of few things more unpleasant than conversing with someone with the sound of "running water" (or worse) in the background and toilets flushing. Why anyone would do this is beyond me. It's very rude.

And, while I can remind people about hand-washing until the cows come home, I'll suggest instead that men and women who use public restrooms not touch the door handle without a paper towel -- when available -- firmly in hand.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in the '90s in a neighborhood where the kids respected their neighbors. I now live in a different state and, obviously, a different era. Neighborhood kids constantly use my steep driveway to ride their bicycles, tricycles and scooters without asking permission.

Am I right in thinking this is rude, because in my opinion, they are trespassing? Not only could I be held responsible if one of them gets hurt on my property, but they also are extremely loud and do this while my children are trying to nap. They have been asked to stop, and I have threatened to talk to their parents, even though I don't know where they live. What do I do? -- FRUSTRATED HOMEOWNER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Discuss this with your insurance broker. You are correct that if one of the children gets hurt on your property you could be liable. You also need to be more proactive than you have been. Tell the kids they are disturbing your children who are trying to nap, and if the kids don't go away, find out where they live and talk to the other parents. It would be cheaper than having to install a gate in front of your driveway.