DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl who recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. During the time we were together we shared many experiences, including a miscarriage. Now he wants to be alone. He doesn't want to date or have any relationship because he says he feels "love is different now."

I'm having a difficult time coping. I feel like I have been thrown away. I didn't ask for such a serious commitment, but he made me believe.

I am scared, depressed, anxious and no longer want to date because I don't want to have any casual flings. My loyalty is literally killing me. I don't know if I should change my preferences in life or learn to love me. I'm too young for this, right? -- TEEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TEEN: No one is "old enough" to experience what you have and not come out of it without emotional bruises. Not knowing your former boyfriend, I'm reluctant to guess whether he is grieving the loss of the baby, or relieved that he isn't going to have fatherhood thrust upon him and has run for the hills. But at least for the present, accept that the relationship is over and don't blame yourself.

You could benefit from talking to a counselor about everything you have been through. I agree you are not ready to date right now and, frankly, you shouldn't until you are more healed emotionally. If you have older, experienced women in your life with whom you can talk, it's important that you do. The feelings you are experiencing are normal under the circumstances, including your loss of self-esteem. I'm glad you have the insight to realize that you need to learn to love yourself again before re-entering the dating scene.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old daughter and 8-year-old granddaughter have moved back home. The house now holds four generations. It's hard to keep everyone happy.

My father and I are both years-long smokers, which is causing major problems. Neither of us wishes to quit, and we feel it is our right to do as we please in our own home. My daughter is constantly telling her daughter to tell us she doesn't want to live here anymore because of the smoke.

Abby, they asked to move in here. She lives here for nothing, and pays nothing for food or transportation. God forbid I ask her to do something around here to help out. Who's right? -- SMOKER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SMOKER: Let me put it this way. Your daughter is lucky to be living with you, thanks to your generosity. If she has a bone to pick with you, she should do it directly -- not through her child.

That said, because secondhand smoke isn't healthy for children, out of love and consideration for your granddaughter, you and your father should consider designating a smoking room in your home and lighting up there, or smoking outside.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has many wonderful qualities. However, he's obsessed with my always being instantly available when he calls or texts my cellphone.

I don't carry it with me every minute of the day. At work I can be busy taking orders, dealing with clients, having a conference with my boss or using the restroom. But if I don't answer, my husband leaves nasty messages asking why I have a phone if I'm not going to pick up or respond to a text. I always do it as soon as I am able.

I have explained the reality of what I might be involved with when he contacts me. I have told him his demand that I always be immediately available is selfish, to no avail. What's your opinion? -- EXASPERATED IN ERIE

DEAR EXASPERATED: My opinion is you should ignore your husband's nasty comments because he's acting like an immature, demanding child who needs to grow up and realize the world doesn't revolve around him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a grandson, "Kyle," who has been living with us for two years while he earned his bachelor's degree in college. However, he is now going for a master's, and it will be another two years before he graduates.

Kyle works a lot and takes classes, so he is not at our home that much. However, at age 25, it seems to me he should be out on his own.

Some of Kyle's uncles are upset that my husband has allowed this to go on so long because their kids never got the same treatment. But Kyle doesn't get the support from his parents that he should, and my husband feels sorry for him.

Am I selfish for feeling that my space has been invaded for too long? -- PUT UPON IN TEXAS

DEAR PUT UPON: That you and your husband have chosen to be generous with Kyle should be nobody else's business. For the reason you mentioned, Kyle needed a break. Your husband stepped in and has seen that he got one.

If Kyle were constantly underfoot, I could understand why you might justifiably feel "invaded." However, because he isn't, then yes, I do think your attitude is selfish.

DEAR ABBY: Once again I have found that one random act of kindness begets another.

Today, I had a hankering for one of those great salads from my favorite fast food chain. It was noon, and the line from the main highway to get into the driveway was long.

When I finally was able to turn in to the ordering section, I noticed a man in his work truck trying to get into the line. We were face-to-face. I looked back, saw all the cars behind me and knew none of them were going to let him in, so I motioned for him to go ahead of me.

When I reached the window and started to pay for my order, the cashier said, "You are already paid for." I said, "What?" The man in front of me had paid for my order.

The message? Be kind -- it's good karma. -- LINDA IN ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR LINDA: I agree. Like a stone thrown into a pond, a good deed can create ripples that extend far beyond the initial splash.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenager who went through some emotional stuff a couple of years ago. It was horrible. My parents thought it was just a phase, so I had to deal with it myself until it got better.

I don't feel like I can communicate with my parents. If I try, I'm afraid they'll just downplay it again.

I feel so alone sometimes. Even when I'm happy I still have this feeling of sadness. Then suddenly, I feel angry for no reason, and I hate it. Other times, I get so anxious I don't know what to do. I feel like my friends don't like me, even though nothing is wrong. I feel stuck.

Most people say it's because I'm a teenager, and that's what I try to tell myself, but it doesn't work. I don't know what to do. What do you think, Abby? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: I'm sorry that when you tried to tell your parents you were in pain they didn't take you seriously. While the feelings you're having may be caused by "raging teenage hormones," they could also be a symptom of something more. That's why I'm suggesting you talk to another trusted adult about your feelings -- the parent of one of your close friends, a counselor at school or your pediatrician, if you have one. It never hurts to have a "reality check" every once in a while, and when you share what's going on in your head with someone who has more life experience, it can give you a better perspective.

DEAR ABBY: This time last year, I read a letter from a young woman whose live-in boyfriend doesn't get her anything for Valentine's Day.

I have been married to my husband for 28 years. When we were first married, I was often disappointed because he was never good at getting me gifts on holidays. Every year I would remind him ahead of time.

But gradually over the years, I began to realize that the gifts were not important. He has been the best husband I could ask for. He knows me better than anyone else. He adopted my two young girls and has been a wonderful father to them.

Throughout the year we do almost everything together. He loves to shop with me, and I buy what I want for my birthday or whatever. When holidays come around, we acknowledge them to each other and do something together for the day if we can.

A few years ago he was very ill and almost died. I am so grateful for him every day. I couldn't ask for more. The material gifts are unimportant. -- MARY M. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MARY: Thank you for an upper of a letter. You are a woman who clearly has her priorities straight. I told the young woman who wrote that letter that she'd feel less "deprived" if she focused not on what she isn't getting out of the relationship, but more on what she is. You reinforced this beautifully.

Readers, on this "day of love," I'd like you to know that you make writing this column a joy. I wish you all a very happy Valentine's Day.