DEAR ABBY: Would you please remind your readers that people who have been through an awful divorce DO NOT want to hear anything about their ex? We don't want to hear -- again and again -- how much better the ex did in the settlement than we did. We don't want to hear that the ex was seen with his girlfriend the other day.

I have a friend who tells me every time I speak with her how much better he made out in the settlement than I did. People also need to realize that even though the divorce was years ago, it still hurts. -- HURTING IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR HURTING: I'm passing along your message. However, when it first happened, you should have told the woman to drop the subject because it was hurtful. If you didn't, please do that. But if you did say it and your request was disregarded, recognize that this person isn't a "friend," that she probably gets a kick out of causing you pain or aggravation, and you should avoid her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and adopted. I have a wonderful new family, but a very dark past. I was beaten every day for seven years and was bulimic for five. The abuse finally ended when my stepfather went to jail for trying to murder my mother and me. I was bullied in school and went home to more abuse.

Now, even though I'm out of the situation, I still get scared when people yell at me, or at school when someone raises their hands like they are about to hit me. Everyone tells me I need to "grow up," but how am I supposed to do that when I'm still scared of my past? -- CAN'T GET PAST IT

DEAR CAN'T GET PAST IT: After the amount of trauma you have experienced, it may take help from a licensed mental health professional to get past what was done to you. If your family is unable to provide it, discuss this with a counselor at school and ask for help, because the counselor may be able to refer you to someone.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son and his wife have had a dog for two years. I do not want a dog in my house, but I also don't want to prevent them from visiting (they live six hours away). We have tried keeping "Puddles" in the basement, but she whined all night, and my son ended up sleeping on the basement floor with her.

They think I'm going to give in because she's so cute, but I don't like little animals running, jumping and yapping. (OK, I'm high-strung, and holidays make it worse.) My husband doesn't support me and tries to sneak Puddles in when I'm not looking.

This is not fair! I'm the one who keeps the house nice, but I love my son. Any suggestions? -- PARTICULAR IN OHIO

DEAR PARTICULAR: Yes, your son should find a pet sitter or board Puddles for the time when he visits you. And if necessary, offer to pay for it. That way the poor animal won't be isolated in unfamiliar surroundings and will have companionship, you'll have peace of mind and your son will get a good night's sleep.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been separated for a year. I have been seeing another woman in a city nearby, and my wife is aware of it.

I took my lady friend out for dinner recently while visiting her in her town. A couple from home who know my wife and me were also eating at this restaurant. I greeted them as we walked by their table.

The next day, my wife approached me and showed me a picture of me and my date that had been taken by this couple without my knowledge. I was furious about the invasion of privacy. My wife claims I am just angry because I got "caught." If I were worried about getting caught, I wouldn't have been in a public restaurant in a city frequented by people who know me.

What are your thoughts on people who secretly take photos like this? Do they really think they are doing their civic duty? -- VIOLATED IN IOWA

DEAR VIOLATED: You have a right to your privacy. If you and your wife have been separated for a year, then with whom you socialize is your own business. The same applies to your wife.

I fail to see what kind of "civic duty" this couple was performing by taking a picture of you and your date. Frankly, I think it was in poor taste and served no good purpose.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 30 and have felt pretty happy with my life. I enjoy my job, my social life, staying fit and extensive stays abroad. I thought I was going along OK, even though there is still room for improvement.

My biggest (or most obvious) shortcoming, however, is that I'm not attractive in any way, and guys have never been attracted to me, so any chance at a future with someone is not an option. I thought I was learning to accept it, but it's harder than I thought -- especially because of reactions from other people.

Now that I'm older, people look at me with pity or treat me strangely. I don't know how to handle the constant questioning about whether I have found someone yet. It is not going to happen. Is there something wrong with me? I'm starting to feel like a total loser and complete failure. -- LOSER IN LOVE

DEAR LOSER IN LOVE: If you are asked whether you have "found someone yet," tell the person the truth, that Chris Pine hasn't found you yet.

There are worse things than singlehood. You have so many positive things going for you in your life, it's time you recognized it. The person who deserves pity isn't someone who is single; it's someone who is trapped in a marriage to a husband she doesn't love or who treats her badly.

Your problem isn't that you are a "loser"; it's that you have low self-esteem. You could benefit from talking to a counselor about this, because everyone has something to offer, including you, and for others to appreciate your finer qualities, you need to stop being so hard on yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 42-year-old divorced woman with no children. My ex-husband has a son whose life I was a part of for 18 years. When people ask if I have kids, my reply is, "Yes, I have a stepson."

Why do people think it's OK to say things like, "That's not the same as having your own," or, "That doesn't count"? Then they usually go on to ask why I don't have children of my own.

My response is a big fat lie. I say, "It just never happened." The truth is my ex didn't want any more children. What can I say to these people to let them know that they need to stop and think about what they say and ask, because their word choice in this circumstance is hurtful to the point of tears? -- STEPMOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STEPMOM: A person who would downplay your role as a parent is rude, thoughtless and not worth your time. As to asking why someone is childless, I have addressed this subject in my column before. While many folks start conversations by asking whether someone has children, it can be a dangerous question.

I learned my lesson and stopped asking after having received an answer from one man that his son was doing life in prison as an accomplice to murder. Another man told me he had two children, a daughter and an estranged son who was also serving a long sentence -- for selling narcotics. Neither person was happy to have been asked. After that, I stopped asking.

I see no reason why you shouldn't simply tell the truth about why you are child-free. Not having (or wanting) children is nothing to be ashamed of -- it's a personal choice that an increasing number of couples have opted for without regret.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. Last night we were talking about doing more in the bedroom, and he told me that he is bisexual.

I have nothing against the LGBT community, but finding this out after so long shocked me. I'm worried now, and I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that he has sex with guys. I just can't quite look at or think of him the same way.

I really do love him and can still see a future with him. I just don't know how to handle this BIG news. Please, Abby, you're my only hope. -- LIZ IN TEXAS

DEAR LIZ: I would be curious about why your boyfriend waited so long to tell you. Because someone is bisexual does not mean the person is unfaithful and sleeping with both sexes at the same time. It simply means the person is attracted to members of both sexes. You need to have further discussion with your boyfriend regarding his attitude about his commitment to you before deciding what to do about his "big" news.