DEAR ABBY: I am 42 years old and a divorced father of two. Earlier this year, I caused a fatal drunk driving accident. Once I came to and realized what I had done, I accepted responsibility and pled guilty to my crime. I have never before been in trouble with the authorities.

I believe God has forgiven me. I know my extremely supportive family and friends have also forgiven me. But how do I forgive myself? I think about it and cry daily for my victim and that family. I pray they will find some comfort that I am behind bars.

I plan to volunteer and use my time to help others as I have done in the past, once I am free. I also plan to tell my story to as many people as will listen to help stop the senseless act of driving under the influence.

I can never, and will never, forget what I have done. But I know I must forgive myself in order to move forward and start helping others. Any advice or suggestions you can give to help me work on forgiveness while I am in here would be greatly appreciated. -- UNFORGIVEN INMATE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNFORGIVEN: Something you can do while you are incarcerated would be to start a dialogue with the clergyperson of your faith who ministers to the prison population. Because re-entry into the larger community can be stressful, if substance abuse counseling is available, join a group. It might help you avoid falling back into old habits upon your release.

DEAR ABBY: I am the owner of an art gallery and often host shows with a reception to introduce artists. This generates interest in their artworks among patrons purchasing a piece for their home or to add to their collection. We provide hors d'oeuvres and beverages for our clients and potential clients.

Several individuals come to our receptions and heap food on their plates, often filling them a second time and sometimes a third. One woman has carried food out, saying it was for her husband who was waiting outside. (He must have been hiding, because I watched her get into her car alone and drive off.)

Abby, these people rarely even look at the art, let alone buy anything. They just eat and leave. My gallery is in a fairly small community, so I don't want to be rude, but how can I tactfully tell these people to ease on down the road? -- NOT RUNNING A SOUP KITCHEN

DEAR NOT: Have an employee monitor the food display, and when someone is spotted taking food outside or pigging out, have the employee quietly intervene. As for individuals who come to your gallery only to eat -- and by now you know who they are -- greet them politely and suggest quietly that because it is clear that your taste in art and theirs is not the same, it would be better if they shopped elsewhere.

P.S. And if attendance to these openings is by invitation, simply stop inviting the offenders.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a good person, but when I get frustrated over something, I fly off the handle. I date, have several close friends and a good job in a field I enjoy.

Stresses in life are normal. But sometimes I blow up over things. When it happens, I can see my co-workers and friends are taken aback by my behavior. I need to improve this. I'm worried my explosive temper will affect my relationships, my job and the people I see socially. I heard you have a booklet about this issue. Where can I get one, and do you have any advice for me? -- HOT AND BOTHERED IN ATLANTA

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: Yes, I do. While anger is a normal emotion, the problem with a hair-trigger temper is that people who fly off the handle often shoot themselves in the foot. That's why it's important to develop tools to recognize, control and channel anger effectively without exploding.

A first step in doing that is to analyze what may be setting you off. Does being overtired, hungry or not feeling up to par cause you to lash out? Feeling vulnerable has been known to make people feel angry and has negatively affected relationships. When a person's beliefs or values are questioned, they can become angry and, believe it or not, low self-esteem causes people to fly off the handle. People who suffer from feelings of inadequacy constantly try to prove themselves -- which drives them to win every "battle" whether it's a discussion about sports or any other subject that arises.

Most adults learn from early childhood to manage anger. But it's equally important to learn to express anger in ways that are constructive. In my booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," I offer tools for channeling anger. (First among them is to recognize you are becoming angry before losing control.) It also contains suggestions for managing and expressing anger appropriately. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. I hope it will be helpful for you. It takes maturity to identify and verbalize negative emotions rather than lash out at others. Being able to calmly say, "When you do that (or say that) it makes me angry" will earn you the respect of others. And it's the key to defusing anger before losing control.

DEAR ABBY: What are my financial obligations if I invite a gentleman to a formal out-of-state wedding? Must I pay 100 percent for airfare, hotel, meals and clothing? -- PROPER MISS IN OHIO

DEAR PROPER MISS: If the man is a gentleman, he will offer to split the cost of the airfare, hotel and meals with you. If he's not -- or can't afford it -- then the person footing the bills will be you and only you.

DEAR ABBY: In many advice columns it is often suggested to "seek professional help," such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. This is a practical solution, but most often quite expensive, to the point of being prohibitive.

Where else can one turn to find assistance that will be practical, ongoing and cost-effective rather than something that immediately throws up a roadblock to wellness? -- DETOURED BY FINANCES

DEAR DETOURED: Some of these suggestions might be helpful:

(1) Contact a university medical school if there is one in your community, and ask to speak to the Department of Psychiatry. Ask if it has an outpatient clinic. If it does, inquire there. If not, ask if someone on the staff deals with problems like the ones you're experiencing.

(2) If you live in a town with a college, find out if it has a graduate school. If so, does the graduate school have a psychology program and a clinic that charges on a sliding financial scale? If there is no clinic, ask if someone on the staff of the psychology department sees people privately and what's the person's phone number. Then contact that person.

(3) People can get referrals from mental health organizations. The largest credentialed ones are the American Psychological Association, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers. These are legitimate organizations and have professional standards.

(4) You can locate government-funded agencies with psychiatric services by going on the Internet. Some hospitals refer to community service organizations. In any emergency room, you can contact the hospital's outreach to community development programs, as well.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and a friend of mine joke about being an item. They do this in public and in front of me. They hug, hold hands or rub each other's shoulders, but I don't think anything more goes on.

These activities offend and embarrass me. My husband says the jokes are innocuous, that I'm too sensitive and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. He says they certainly wouldn't act that way in public if they were really seeing each other on the sly.

Do you think I'm being overly sensitive about this? -- DISRESPECTED

DEAR DISRESPECTED: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. That it's "innocent" is beside the point. Because you have told them that their touchy-feely demonstrations of affection for each other offend and embarrass you, out of respect for you, they should cut it out.