DEAR ABBY: In many advice columns it is often suggested to "seek professional help," such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. This is a practical solution, but most often quite expensive, to the point of being prohibitive.

Where else can one turn to find assistance that will be practical, ongoing and cost-effective rather than something that immediately throws up a roadblock to wellness? -- DETOURED BY FINANCES

DEAR DETOURED: Some of these suggestions might be helpful:

(1) Contact a university medical school if there is one in your community, and ask to speak to the Department of Psychiatry. Ask if it has an outpatient clinic. If it does, inquire there. If not, ask if someone on the staff deals with problems like the ones you're experiencing.

(2) If you live in a town with a college, find out if it has a graduate school. If so, does the graduate school have a psychology program and a clinic that charges on a sliding financial scale? If there is no clinic, ask if someone on the staff of the psychology department sees people privately and what's the person's phone number. Then contact that person.

(3) People can get referrals from mental health organizations. The largest credentialed ones are the American Psychological Association, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers. These are legitimate organizations and have professional standards.

(4) You can locate government-funded agencies with psychiatric services by going on the Internet. Some hospitals refer to community service organizations. In any emergency room, you can contact the hospital's outreach to community development programs, as well.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and a friend of mine joke about being an item. They do this in public and in front of me. They hug, hold hands or rub each other's shoulders, but I don't think anything more goes on.

These activities offend and embarrass me. My husband says the jokes are innocuous, that I'm too sensitive and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. He says they certainly wouldn't act that way in public if they were really seeing each other on the sly.

Do you think I'm being overly sensitive about this? -- DISRESPECTED

DEAR DISRESPECTED: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. That it's "innocent" is beside the point. Because you have told them that their touchy-feely demonstrations of affection for each other offend and embarrass you, out of respect for you, they should cut it out.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with "Paul" for 10 months. We met shortly after he and his fiancee broke up. Because of her, he had gone into debt, and after their breakup he lost his job.

I have helped him with money from the moment we met. He's still jobless and his unemployment benefit will end shortly, but Abby, he is careless with money. He ends up spending mine and borrows from friends who have to be paid back. Last month, he took my credit card, and within a week 1,400 euros were gone and bills were left unpaid.

Because Paul is stressed and depressed, he goes out and drinks. More than once he has spent the rent money in bars. He often gets home at 4 a.m. He's also jealous and controlling. He texts and rings me constantly and asks why I took so long to answer. If I go out for a coffee, he demands to know who with. He has a hot temper and shouts at me for the slightest thing -- like if I didn't close a door, or he thinks I didn't pay attention to something he said.

Our sex life has never been great. He blames me for that, too. He says I don't initiate it enough, and he's threatening to start going with other girls. He is also bossy. He always says I never do anything for him. Even though I work until 5:30, he expects me to bring him water, coffee, turn on the air con and stuff.

I love Paul, but I don't feel appreciated. I'm scared of what he will do when I leave. Please, Abby, I need your advice. -- TORN IN LONDON

DEAR TORN: Your Paul is an emotionally abusive, bottomless pit. He will suck you dry financially and emotionally if you let him. It's important that you get rid of him now.

If you think Paul might do something to you if you end the relationship, contact the police or a domestic abuse hotline and take their guidance. If you think he might harm himself, forget it. Paul will survive. It doesn't take a psychic to predict he will quickly find someone else to use, so don't worry about him and don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: Every year, a co-worker brings her daughters to the office to sell Girl Scout cookies. The kids are adorable, and it's hard to say "no" because Mom hovers nearby as the girls approach each cubicle. Regardless of whether one cares to donate to the cause or not, it feels like Mom is forcing us into buying by doing this. What happened to the old "leave the order sheet at the reception desk" custom? Am I overreacting? -- SOURED ON SWEETS

DEAR SOURED: Yes. All you have to do is smile and say, "No, I'm sorry, sweethearts. I can't do it this year." Actually, you may be doing the girls a favor, because an important part of selling is learning to cope with disappointment when a customer says no.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old woman with a 12-year-old son. I met a wonderful man I'll call "Daryl," and we have been dating for about three years. We recently became engaged and are planning to be married this spring.

I have had one concern for a while, and I probably should have already addressed it with him. Daryl is very good about including my son, "Kevin," in almost all of our outings, but he never asks Kevin to do any "guy" things with him. Daryl has grown sons, so it's not like he doesn't know how to do the guy thing. Kevin has never had a father in his life, so he longs for this kind of companionship.

I'm afraid if I bring it up, Daryl may feel compelled to start doing it, but I don't want him to do it only because I said something. I was hoping it was something my fiance might have wanted to do earlier on in the relationship. Should I say something or let it take its course? -- MOM IN ALABAMA

DEAR MOM: Bring it up! Daryl isn't clairvoyant, and he may not realize how much your son longs for a role model. Explain it to him and see how he responds. Your fiance may not have been a hands-on dad with his own sons.

The teen years are an important time, and Daryl still has time to lay the groundwork for a mentoring relationship if he starts showing an interest now. If he waits too long, Kevin may conclude that Daryl doesn't really care about him and thinks he doesn't measure up in some way, which could affect his self-esteem for years to come.

DEAR ABBY: I am 40, married and busy. I work a full-time job and go to school part-time. My schedule is filled with just my normal activities. I have a busy social life and many family members, so every weekend my husband and I are invited to something.

I enjoy these gatherings, but sometimes I just want a weekend to myself to do what I want to do -- go to the beach, a park, take care of something that needs to be done around the house, or just sit and watch TV or go to a movie.

I find it hard to say no to the invitations. How can I politely decline some of them without offending or hurting friends or family members? -- SOCIAL ENOUGH IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SOCIAL ENOUGH: So you're a people pleaser. It is not rude or hurtful to refuse invitations by saying, "Thank you for wanting us, but we already have a commitment for that day." It's also not rude to tell the person your schedule has been so full that you have been buzzing around like a bee in a fit and need to just plain rest and catch up on chores. That's what I recommend you start doing without feeling guilty about it, because everyone needs a certain amount of downtime so they don't make themselves sick.

DEAR ABBY: I was talking to my daughter about what I would want for a birthday present since I have plenty of "stuff" and I am trying to get rid of it. Could I suggest that instead of giving me something, she come and take something -- or even two somethings? What do you think? -- ANN IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR ANN: I think it's a novel idea for someone who is downsizing, and if you and your daughter have similar taste, she would appreciate it. Start by saying, "It's better to give than to receive ..."