DEAR ABBY: My sister has been seeing a married man for two years. He has told her the only reason he is staying in this loveless marriage is for his daughter (standard lie of a cheating husband).

His wife found out midway through this "relationship," but forgave him when he swore he would stop, which of course he didn't. When I told my sister how wrong this relationship is and that she deserves better, I ended up alienating her.

I have recently learned that his wife just had a second child, and my sister is pregnant, too. I'm sick to my stomach with all of this. I told her how crazy her situation is, but she refuses to see how horrible "the man she loves" really is. She says she is fine raising this child alone, and if her lover is in their lives, then she will be satisfied with that.

I am the only one freaking out about this. How do I deal with it and not totally lose my sister? -- FREAKING OUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FREAKING OUT: Your sister is an adult. She has made her choices and may have to learn the hard way what you have been trying to tell her. Realize that as much as you love her, you cannot live her life for her. Let her know you're there for her and the baby, because she's going to need all the support she can get.

DEAR ABBY: I am 30 and my husband, "Brent," is 35. We have had some financial troubles lately and recently had to move in with my mother-in-law.

My question is, how old should a child be before his mother quits walking around naked in front of him? My mother-in-law still walks around completely nude in front of Brent and his 39-year-old brother. Although she is in good health, she always seems to need Brent's help getting in and out of the shower.

She also parades nude in front of me, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I have talked to Brent about it a few times, and he said she's been this way his whole life.

Is this normal behavior? Am I overreacting? I have a daughter, and I don't get naked in front of her. How do I approach this without causing hurt feelings? -- COVERED UP IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR COVERED UP: Obviously, in the household that your husband was raised, this behavior was normal. I am puzzled, however, that your mother-in-law needs help getting in and out of the shower. What are the "boys" supposed to do -- scrub her back?

Because her nudity makes you uncomfortable, the most tactful way to approach this would be for Brent to explain to his mother that you were not raised this way, and that you both would appreciate it if she'd wear a robe when you're around. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: If I sit at the end of a pew in church and someone comes in after me insisting I move because it's his/her "favorite" seat, should I do it or ask the person to sit somewhere else? -- GOT HERE FIRST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR G.H.F.: If you're sitting in God's house, you should be on your best behavior. Don't commit a sin of omission; be an angel and shove over.

DEAR ABBY: I was single for four years and recently remarried. I didn't intend to marry again, but then I met "Bob." He was so kind and attentive that I was attracted. He proposed to me every day, several times a day, and eight months later I married him.

Bob moved here from out of state and hasn't been able to find work. It has been challenging. My daughter lives with us and is in college.

Bob's mood swings have been drastic lately. He doesn't want me to talk to anyone else, do anything without him (hang with my friends, my daughter, etc.). I have a great job and work part-time in the evenings to make ends meet. I try to stay calm, but he yells, uses profanity and is highly manipulative.

I am at a loss. I would like to help him, but his depression is tearing us apart. I also believe he is addicted to marijuana. He has threatened suicide, but I don't know if he would actually go through with it.

Abby, I have worked very hard to get where I am. I know I need to take care of myself and my daughter, but I don't want to just throw this away, either. Help! -- TORN IN TWO IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN IN TWO: Without more information, it's hard to tell whether your husband's depression makes him act the way he does, or whether you have been seduced by an abuser.

Among the warning signs of an abuser are:

-- Pushes for quick involvement;

-- Isolation: tries to isolate you from friends or family members;

-- Makes others responsible for his/her feelings: The abuser says, "YOU make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you";

-- Hypersensitivity: is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life;

-- Verbal abuse: constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things -- degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. May also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse;

-- Sudden mood swings: switches from sweet to violent within minutes.

This is only a partial list -- there are 15 in all, which is too long for this column. However, they can be precursors to serious physical violence.

Urge your husband to get counseling for his depression and insecurity. If he refuses, then be smart and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or online at thehotline.org for help in safely separating from him before your husband's behavior escalates.

DEAR ABBY: At a black-tie-optional wedding, is it appropriate for a man to come wearing a cowboy hat and keep it on at the dinner table? -- CURIOUS IN PALM DESERT

DEAR CURIOUS: Hat etiquette decrees that it should be removed when a man is indoors. And according to The Campfire Chronicle (at stargazermercantile.com), "If you're in a restaurant that serves anything that isn't coated in barbecue sauce, it's probably best to lose the hat."

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to the father of my son. We have been together for five years. He's in a wheelchair and has been since he was a child. I love him very much and am ready to be his wife.

Every time I would tell my mother we planned to be married, she'd give me a thousand reasons why marrying the man I love would be stupid. We are now at a point in our lives where we are financially stable and are finally ready. When I told Mom, she called me selfish and said she won't be there. I am heartbroken.

Am I a horrible person for marrying the man I love despite the fact that my family can't accept his disability? They keep asking if I understand the responsibility that comes with being with a person in a wheelchair. I know I can't change other people's minds, but do people really think it's bad for a walking person to marry a person in a wheelchair? -- ENGAGED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ENGAGED: You're not a "horrible person," and yes, some people do harbor this prejudice. You appear to be a young woman with her head on straight, and I hope you won't allow your mother's refusal to attend your wedding to stand in the way of your happiness.

While there are some things people in wheelchairs can't do, there are many things at which they excel. Many people with disabilities earn a comfortable living using the muscle between their ears in careers such as law, counseling, teaching, Internet technology and more, and some have become fine craftsmen because of their manual dexterity. Perhaps if your family were to concentrate less on what your fiance can't do and more on the things he can, they'd be more accepting.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old woman. My parents divorced when I was young. I kept in contact with my father until he dropped out of my life when I was around 11.

I came across Dad again on Facebook recently. He's now in a domestic partnership with another man. It wasn't a shock because Mom had told me some time ago she had suspected he was gay.

What upset me were several posts he made about wanting a happy family with his partner. I know the family he made with Mom may not have been his ideal, but my sister and I are his family. I feel like we were tossed aside for this idea of a new family, which seems cold and callous. I haven't mentioned it to my sister because I think she'd find it upsetting.

I want to confront Dad, but also think it might be best to just leave it alone. Any advice? -- UNCOUNTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCOUNTED: I think you should contact your father, start a dialogue with him and ask why he dropped out of your life. His reason may be that he was made to feel that his presence in your life was unwelcome, or a fear that you would not be able to accept his sexual orientation.

It seems strange to me that he would leave his daughters behind for no reason. If you would like to re-establish a relationship, tell him so. He may need to hear it from you before he can move forward and reconnect with you and your sister.