DEAR ABBY: My 83-year-old mother wants a tattoo! She loves classical music and has decided to have a musical note tattooed on her shoulder. Should I institutionalize her, or chauffeur her to the local tattoo parlor? -- SHOCKED IN GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR SHOCKED: At 83, your mother is old enough to make this decision without your blessing. She also appears to be young enough at heart that she may not need the ride.

DEAR ABBY: May I sit in your chair and give some advice today? It's aimed at men who place ads on dating sites and then wonder why they can't meet "quality" women.

I'm an educated, decent-looking, middle-aged widow who has dated quite a lot through such ads and local social groups. Yes, it can be a jungle out there, but the Internet is a wonderful tool for bringing people together.

I live in a small town, and the pool of eligible men is smaller here than in metropolitan areas. That said, there are few profiles that attract my attention and that of my divorced/widowed friends.

Gentlemen, some pointers:

1. Smile! A dour expression is unpleasant.

2. We may want to see you with your shirt off after we get to know you, but it's not the most appealing or refined pose for a first look.

3. Be realistic. If you are Joe Average, we Jane Averages would enjoy meeting you. Are you REALLY going to hold out for a model who is a decade or so younger than you?

4. Be kind to the English language. You don't have to be a genius, but it would be nice to know you can competently communicate in writing.

5. Consider a shave. Some women like men with facial hair; the majority of the ones I know do not. About 75 percent of men over 50 have a mustache, beard or both. What are you hiding under there?

6. If you're married and miserable, for goodness sake, go for marriage counseling or get a divorce. But please don't deceive women who want to meet a nice guy to share life with.

In case you think I'm being too harsh, we gals welcome any suggestions from men who scroll through those female profiles looking for love. -- SURFING IN PETERSBURG, ILL.

DEAR SURFING: I'm printing your letter, and I'm sure the reaction will be interesting. The No. 1 complaint I've heard about Internet dating has to do with misrepresentation on both sides of the gender divide.

DEAR ABBY: I am being divorced and my oldest son is being married. My soon-to-be-ex-wife does not want my girlfriend to attend. This has put a great deal of pressure on my son and his fiancee.

I left my wife for this woman. I love her and would like her to attend with me. What is proper? -- DANNY IN DELAWARE

DEAR DANNY: Because your divorce is not yet final, leave your girlfriend at home. Her absence would be the most thoughtful and considerate gift you could give your son, his bride and your almost-former wife.

DEAR ABBY: Lately I have been having problems with my live-in boyfriend, "Ethan." We fight about everything, and he refuses to admit when he's wrong. Ethan has been sleeping on the couch for a week waiting for me to take the first step and reconcile.

He isn't working and I am, and that is probably what has him so mad. I pay all the bills, and he thinks I feel superior because I'm bringing in money and he's not.

We argue day and night, swear and scream at each other, and he does not appreciate everything I'm doing so we can survive. I have two daughters, he has one, and I'm supporting all of us.

Do you think it's a good idea for us to have a baby? Ethan is desperate for a child with me -- even though we can't get along or communicate. -- MARY JANE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MARY JANE: Not only do I think it's not a good idea, but I think it's a terrible idea. Babies are expensive, and you're already carrying a heavy load. I suspect that Ethan thinks a baby will fix what's wrong in your relationship, but he's wrong. Don't do it! It would be a huge mistake.

DEAR ABBY: In the summer of 1995, I was a 12-year-old girl living in a motel in a suburb of Cleveland with my mother, older brother and younger sister. We were poor and very hungry.

My mother led my younger sister and me to a doughnut shop for our only meal of the day. After waiting for everyone to leave, my mother approached the young woman behind the counter and asked to buy some doughnuts with our foreign coins. It was the only money we had.

Instead of turning us away, she told my mother: "We're allowed to give away a certain number of free doughnuts every day. Just tell me what you want." (I don't know if this was true.) It was because of her kindness that my family ate that day.

If that kind woman is reading this, I want to say: "Thank you. You made the hunger go away for just a little bit, so a mother and her children could go a day without pain. You remain forever in a little girl's heart." -- URSALA IN MESSINA, ITALY

DEAR URSALA: I, too, hope your benefactor sees your letter. Her generosity that day provided nourishment not only for your bodies, but also for your faith in the humanity of others -- and I am sure you have emulated her example in the years that have followed. After all, isn't that what acts of kindness are all about?

DEAR ABBY: Once a year I invite my mother, who lives in Arizona, to visit me in California. This year, Mom has decided to bring one of my sisters along because "she really needs a vacation."

My sisters live in the same city as Mom and can visit her anytime they please. I see Mom once a year at most, and I do not want to share my limited time with her. How do I let my sisters know they're not welcome without causing a family rift? -- WANTS QUALITY TIME WITH MOM

DEAR WANTS: You shouldn't have to tell your sisters. The person you need to tell is your mother, who should not have invited anyone without clearing it with you first. Because you're having trouble with what to say to her, read her the second paragraph of your letter to me. She may have been well-meaning, but she was misguided.

DEAR ABBY: I have an attractive friend who was bypassed for a front-office promotion. "Miranda" is pleasant, clean, efficient, energetic and had the same qualifications as the individual who was promoted. A management team member confided that the reason for Miranda's lack of advancement "might" be due to the numerous tattoos -- difficult to cover -- on her arms and wrists, which the manager said isn't the image the business wants to convey.

Is this discrimination? I think it's unfair because Miranda is a good worker. She keeps asking me if I have any ideas why she was bypassed. Should I tell her? I don't want to violate the manager's faith in my confidentiality, even though I will be retiring soon. -- LOYAL FRIEND IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR LOYAL FRIEND: Your friend's obvious tattoos prevent her from presenting the corporate image your employer prefers be conveyed to clients who visit the front office. To my knowledge, people with tattoos are not members of a protected class, which would put an employer at risk for a discrimination suit.

Because Miranda continues to ask why she wasn't promoted, and you have nothing to lose by telling her what you were told, I think you should level with her. She might prefer to work at a company where her chances for advancement aren't stymied.

DEAR ABBY: I have two children who are not yet old enough for school. My mother-in-law watches them for free a few times a week. She has been "trying" to quit smoking for the last couple of years.

Nine out of 10 times when I take my children to her, she asks me to bring her a pack of cigarettes. I feel obligated to do it because she watches my children for free.

I know I'm not doing her any favors, and I have asked others how I should handle this. They say I should make excuses like, "I don't have any money with me," or, "I forgot to get them." I figure there's only a few more years before she won't have to watch my kids, so after that, I'll never feel obligated to bring her smokes again. Any advice? -- SMOKED OUT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SMOKED OUT: Yes. When you are done reading this, go online and see what the American Cancer Society and the American Lung Association have to say about the effects of secondhand smoke on children. Then, rather than lie to your mother-in-law, the next time she asks you to bring her a pack when you drop off the kids, summon the courage to tell her no because it isn't healthy for your children.

DEAR READERS: I would like to wish a Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of those caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent fathers. LOVE, ABBY