DEAR ABBY: I have been working hard to advance in my health care career so I can give my family a decent life. I have worked my way up from poverty, paying my own way, earning my degree through the military and sheer determination.

I have reached a point where I would like to enjoy life a little more, but my husband thinks I am being "materialistic." We fight often over my wardrobe spending.

I believe the clothes I wear, mostly nice skirt suits and heels, are part of my job and image. I believe it has helped me to get ahead. I don't buy overly expensive items, but they aren't cheap. I wear the things I buy for years and have a $200-a-month budget for what I may need, even though I don't always spend it.

I think I have earned the right to shop a little, which will ultimately lead to bigger and better things for my family, so why does my husband make me feel so guilty? -- CLOTHES MAKE THE WOMAN

DEAR C.M.T.W.: Not knowing your husband, it's difficult to say, but I'll throw out a few ideas. Could he be insecure or intimidated by your professional image? Could he be jealous on some level? In what kind of environment was he raised? Was his mother's "uniform" a housedress?

If you are earning good money and your family is being provided for, then you are certainly entitled to spend some of it on yourself. And you shouldn't have to apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in October, and my fiance, "Brad," and I are having trouble seeing eye-to-eye on the name change issue.

Brad's family is originally from the North, and my family is from the South. He and his family are convinced that I should drop my maiden name, keep my middle name, and take his name as my new last name.

However, the women in MY family have always kept our maiden names, added their new husband's last name to theirs and dropped their middle names.

This is about the only thing Brad and I can't seem to agree on. What can I do when my mother says one thing and my sweetie says another? With your years of experience, I hope you can steer me in the right direction. -- BRAD'S BRIDE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR BRIDE: It's YOUR name. So do what you are most comfortable doing, because it's the name you will have to carry 'til the day you die (or divorce).

DEAR ABBY: I am under a lot of stress, but the woman I am with doesn't know it. I am 17, and I have been sleeping with my 38-year-old aunty. She's married and has three children. She's my mum's sister. We've slept together seven times and we can't stop doing it. I think I'm in love with her.

I know this is wrong. I need advice. Please help. -- LOVESICK TEEN IN THE U.K.

DEAR LOVESICK: Being "in love" shouldn't cause stress; it should relieve it. You know what you are doing is wrong, and YOU must be the adult and end this relationship. If you don't, it will bring heartache and turmoil to you and the rest of the family. By having an adulterous and incestuous affair with you -- her nephew and a minor -- your aunt is behaving like a sexual predator.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's third birthday is coming soon, and since the new thing is sending out website-generated invitations, I have noticed that it is becoming common to include the child's interests, clothes/shoe size, etc. in the invitation.

I'm uncomfortable about including this information because I feel a child should be grateful for anything he or she receives as a gift. Am I too old-fashioned or is this tacky? If it is acceptable these days, what's a good way to provide a child's wish list without sounding expectant of anything? -- YOUNG MOM IN SAN MATEO, CALIFORNIA

DEAR YOUNG MOM: I appreciate that you want to teach your child good manners and good values. How else are children to learn if their parents don't take the time to explain what they are?

I understand some parents try to save time by including the information you have described along with their party invitations, but frankly, it IS tacky. The parents of prospective guests should reply to the invitation by ASKING what gifts the child would enjoy or can use.

If the invitation was issued online, the question can be asked via texting or email. However, a phone call is more personal and, frankly, more refined.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old male who has never been married. I have been in three serious relationships, all of them with women who have children. Each time when these relationships ended, I found myself heartbroken and traumatized. I experienced a kind of withdrawal because of the emotional bond I had with the children.

I have now decided to date only women who have no children. But my friends and co-workers say I'm being short-sighted and "closing the door to several opportunities." Because of our disagreements, I find myself spending more and more time away from them, and more time alone.

Are my friends right? Or should I stick to my guns and keep looking for that special someone who does not come with a family attached? -- MONTANA LONELY

DEAR MONTANA LONELY: If you prefer to start dating women who don't have children, that is your privilege. Your friends may think you will be missing out on a good thing, but it's really none of their business.

While I agree that by going in this direction you may miss out on a lovely lady who also happens to be a mother, because your sadness after your breakups had more to do with missing the children than the woman you were seeing, a change of pace might be healthy for you.

P.S. If you think these breakups were painful for you, imagine what it was like for the children to have a potential father to whom they had grown close disappear from their lives. This is why many mothers keep their dating lives completely separate until they are sure the relationship will be permanent.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to my first prom yesterday. The boy is a senior and the son of a friend of my mom's.

We have a lot in common. We have been friends for years and compete against each other in academics. The problem is, he asked a close friend of mine to go to the prom last week, and he did it right in front of me.

My friends, including the girl who said no, keep telling me he really does like me, even though I was apparently his second choice. The trouble is, I already said yes and I don't want to go back on my word. How do I keep myself from feeling like a consolation prize? -- SECOND BEST

DEAR S.B.: The boy who asked you to the prom wants to have a good time. As you said, you are friendly and have a lot in common. Please don't let the fact that he asked your friend first get in your way. It's not a contest for anyone's affection; it's only a dance.

DEAR ABBY: I met an amazing lady. She's beautiful, sexy, charming, attentive, classy, smart and conservative. In short, she is almost everything a good man would ask for in a woman except for one thing -- she's a tad clingy, and in some instances, it is annoying.

I'm the type of guy who loves my space. She seems to respect it, but gets a little down when I decline an offer to spend time. To avoid hurting or offending her, I sometimes just do whatever will make her happy, although it feels like a chore. Don't get me wrong, I'm physically and mentally attracted to her, but I'm not sure about the emotional part.

The more I feel I'm forcing myself to spend time with her, the more I lose interest. I know this is cliche, but I honestly feel that it's not her, it's me. Am I just not ready to settle down? -- LIKES MY SPACE

DEAR LIKES: That's what it sounds like to me. And that's what you should tell the lady, because someone with all the wonderful qualities you attribute to her won't be alone and heartbroken for long. In fact, if she knew that you feel you must "force" yourself to be with her, your relationship would already be history.

DEAR ABBY: In June of last year I fractured my kneecap. I was employed at the time and asked my daughter to fill in for me while I recuperated. Not only did she walk away from the job, she has yet to visit or even call me to see how I am doing.

I can't imagine anyone being so cold and distant. It hurts me to this day. How can I get past this hurt and disappointment? -- STILL HURTING IN PALM DESERT

DEAR STILL HURTING: I can't imagine anyone being so cold and distant -- not to mention irresponsible -- unless there were unresolved issues between the two of you before you hurt your knee, or your daughter has emotional problems.

How do you get past something as painful as this wake-up call has been? The first option would be to try to understand what has caused your daughter to act the way she has. Another would be to fill your days with enough activities that you don't have time to dwell on it.