DEAR ABBY: Is nitpicking a poor trait to have? I see it as a positive thing as long as matters are brought up in a helpful way. If you want a healthy relationship with the person you live with, isn't it best to tell her what you think should be done and how?

Two examples: My girlfriend likes to take her socks off when she's lying on the couch. She rolls them off her feet with the opposite foot and they sometimes end up in the corner of the couch, but most of the time on the floor. Also, dishes never get rinsed off, washed or put away on time. The sock thing is gross, and the dishes end up stinking or the food gets stuck on them. Also, the dishes sit in the strainer, not the cupboard.

My girlfriend thinks I go overboard and bombard her with these suggestions. I'd like to know how you and your readers feel about nitpicking. -- LIKES THINGS NEAT IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR LIKES THINGS NEAT: I find it interesting that you used the term "nitpicking." Is that what your girlfriend calls it when you tell her she's doing something that bothers you? Nitpicking encompasses more than asking someone to pick up her socks or not leave the dishes in the sink or on the counter. (If she washes them, shouldn't YOU put them into the cupboard?)

There are few things that a neatnik finds more upsetting than living with someone who is disorganized. You and your girlfriend appear to have some very basic differences. If you're planning to make this romance a lifelong commitment, I'm warning both of you in advance that you can't change another person. Got it?

DEAR ABBY: I've been doing my mother-in-law's hair for the last seven years. I became very busy with clients and had her double-booked in between clients because she wasn't a paying customer. She felt "shuffled around" and decided to text me, telling me she will go to another hairdresser.

I'm hurt and don't understand why she wouldn't communicate this to me directly so we could have worked something out. What's the best way to handle this? -- HAIRDRESSER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAIRDRESSER: Talk with her directly. Tell her you received her text and the snub wasn't intentional. One would think she'd realize you were doing her a favor by working her in, but if she can't understand that, then perhaps it's better she see another stylist. Accept it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter calls me (hands-free) when she is driving in her car. We have lively conversations and I enjoy her calls. However, she is always either running errands or on her way to work when she calls. I can be in the middle of a sentence when she announces, "Oops, Mom, I've reached my destination. Gotta go. Love you!"

Am I wrong to feel she is "fitting" me in? Or should I just be happy for the call? -- A MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MOM: It may seem like your daughter is "fitting you in," but at least she ends the conversations with an expression of love. If her schedule is busy, her drive time may be the optimum time for her to talk privately. So be happy -- it's better than never hearing from her at all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a grad student who enjoys perusing social networks for jokes and stuff. The other day I came across a post from someone who said he wanted to kill himself. Naturally, I kind of freaked out.

I contacted the person to ask him not to and thankfully he didn't. Normally I don't do the whole "Internet friend" thing, but we decided to keep chatting and since then we have become fast friends. I'm not sure how to help this person, though.

He is in the military and fears losing his job if he seeks help. I don't want to pressure him into seeing a professional, since part of what's causing his anxiety is being ordered around constantly, but I don't want him to hurt himself. I know I can't save this person; I can only walk alongside while he figures it all out, but I don't want him to suffer. Please tell me what to do! -- LONG-DISTANCE FRIEND

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE FRIEND: I'll try. Are you sure this person is who he purports to be? Suicidal people don't usually broadcast it to strangers they meet on the Internet. When you say he's afraid that if he seeks professional help he'll lose his job, is he intending to make a career in the military? If the answer is yes, and he doesn't like "being ordered around constantly," he has chosen the wrong career.

You should tell this individual that it's essential he talk to someone about his suicidal impulses who has the training to actually help him with his suffering (your word). If you encourage him to lean on you, it will only prolong his procrastination about standing on his own two feet. For both your sakes, deliver your message clearly and back away. Because you have known each other for such a short time, it shouldn't be too traumatic.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary soon. One hundred and twenty-five invitations were sent and 80 people have responded that they will be attending. I have wondered about the 45 invitees who didn't respond one way or the other.

Today I was told there's a new rule of etiquette regarding the RSVP on an invitation -- that one doesn't have to respond unless one is attending the function. Is this true? Am I out of step with the current social culture?

I am more than aware that it has changed -- and would debate that it probably hasn't changed for the better with regard to social courtesy. So, in planning any function that entails food, hotel rooms, etc., am I to assume no response is a negative one? -- QUESTIONING IN THE SOUTHEAST

DEAR QUESTIONING: You are not out of step. There is no "new rule," unless the invitation specifies "regrets only." RSVP still means what it always has: "Repondez s'il vous plait." That's French for "Please respond." It doesn't mean to respond only if you plan on being there. Polite people take note of the phone number at the bottom of the invitation, or the little card included with it, and accept or decline.

While it's safe to assume that the individuals you didn't hear from won't be coming, it's also a clue that they may not have been taught good manners.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for more than 10 years and have two children. My wife has a hard time making decisions, which has resulted in some issues such as hoarding, never having gotten a living room set, not replacing old carpets (which is causing potential health issues), not buying a new car or painting the house.

She is always saying, "I'll decide tomorrow, next week, etc.," but it never happens. She refuses to accept that she has a problem and seek help. I'm ready to give up on her, but I'm worried for the children. What should I do and where can she find help? -- CAN'T MAKE A DECISION

DEAR CAN'T MAKE A DECISION: Give your wife a deadline by which to make a decision about the deferred "projects," then make the decision for the both of you. Your wife can find help by asking her doctor for a referral to a licensed mental health provider, but it won't happen until she is willing to admit to herself that she needs it and finally decides to deal with her indecisiveness.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I haven't spoken in five years. She didn't go to my wedding, nor has she met my children. I want to make up with her and the family, but our argument is not the reason preventing me from reaching out. It's my stepfather.

He has been my dad since I was 5. When I was a teen, he got caught "peeping" at me inappropriately. When my brother discovered it, they got into an altercation. The whole family knows about it, but my mother took no action other than blaming me and telling me to be more careful.

Now, with my own daughter, I worry it could happen to her one day. I miss my family, but am I better off leaving things how they are and remaining strangers? -- ESTRANGED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ESTRANGED: Yes, because you know your stepfather is a peeping Tom -- which has been known to escalate -- and your mother was willing to tolerate it rather than insist on his getting the help he needed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and can schedule our lives pretty much as we like. However, one thing we disagree on is the scheduling of meals. Formerly, we ate at 7 a.m., noon and 6 p.m. Now my husband wants to eat lunch at 10:30 and dinner at 4 o'clock. It's making me crazy! Pretty soon we'll be eating breakfast the night before.

I have tried talking to him about this, but it makes no difference. Since he does most of the cooking, he just goes ahead on his own schedule. I married him "for better or worse," but not for "brunch"! Help, please. -- ANNOYED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ANNOYED: I think much depends upon why your husband has changed the schedule. Has he told you why? If it's health-related, accommodate him. If you're not ready to eat when he needs to, have him put some food aside for you to reheat and eat later -- or prepare your own meals.

DEAR READERS: I wish each and every one of you a joyous and meaningful holiday. Merry Christmas, everyone. Love, ABBY