DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl. For the past year I have been self-injuring. I take a sharp object and scrape the skin off until it bleeds. My mom saw the scars on my arm. I have 15 other ones, but she doesn't know about them.

I have to keep lying to her and it hurts. I want to stop, but I can't. How can I tell her I lied? I know she will be very upset. -- STUCK IN UTAH

DEAR STUCK: Go to your mother, tell her that you need to talk to her about something important, but you are afraid she will be angry with you. Ask her to hear you out before she reacts. Then tell her everything you have told me and ask for her help. That's what mothers are for.

If necessary, show her your letter to me and my response because she needs to understand that when individuals self-injure, it is often to cope with serious depression -- which is an illness -- and it takes the help of a mental health professional to stop.

DEAR ABBY: My husband took up the guitar about 10 years ago. I thought it was a great idea at first and encouraged his interest. Within two years of his learning to play, I was expected to sit, listen to him and never interrupt a song.

Needless to say, his demands have not gone over well with me. This is his hobby, not mine. He plays well, but can't sing a note. When he does, he sounds like a cat in heat, and he likes to perform like he's playing for a crowd.

My peace and quiet at home are gone. He says I don't support him. What is your take on this? -- WANTS PEACE AND QUIET

DEAR WANTS: Your husband wants praise and validation, and you should give it to him in the area where it's deserved -- for having mastered the guitar. However, because his singing needs tweaking, be honest and tactfully suggest he find a vocal coach to help him in that area. If he reacts defensively, be sure to mention that some of the finest singers in the world get coaching throughout their careers to avoid damaging their vocal cords.

PS. Perhaps you should encourage him to find other musicians to start a group. That way, he'll have an outlet for his talent and you'll be free (at last!).

DEAR ABBY: I am an eighth-grader in junior high, and there is a girl I really like. My problem is I'm afraid to tell her I love her.

I know she likes someone else and wants to go out with him, but I don't know if she likes me. When I'm home, I write her poems, and I want to drop them off at her locker, but I am scared to. We are in three classes together. Do you have any advice? -- NERVOUS BOY

DEAR NERVOUS BOY: Yes. If you're smart, you'll wait until that girl is over her crush before declaring your feelings for her. The boy she has her eye on may or may not be interested in her. But as long as she's fixated on him, she won't be receptive to a romance with you, and it could be embarrassing if you say anything prematurely. (The same goes for anonymously dropping off your literary efforts at her locker.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for more than a year and recently started dating a very nice man, "John." My eldest daughter and her children live with me. I'd like to be able to invite John over to our house, but my daughter doesn't want "strange men" around her kids, which I understand. I tried suggesting that she meet John before assuming that he is a strange man, but she's hesitant about meeting him.

Abby, I'd like to be able to spend some nights at home with him instead of always going out. It hurts because I have allowed the father of her children to live with us, yet I can't have someone I care about visit me at the home I work hard to pay for.

Please, Abby. I need advice on how to make my relationship with him and her work. -- STRESSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STRESSED: I wish I had more information about your daughter and her attitude. Did she disapprove of your divorce from her father and harbor hopes that you will reconcile? Could she be worried that if you and John become serious, she will have to find another place to live? That she'd refuse to even meet him seems peculiar.

It was generous of you to allow her children's father to live under your roof. (Has he left yet?) Notice that I said "under your roof." If you want to entertain a guest, as the person who pays the mortgage, that should be your privilege. If that makes her uncomfortable, perhaps it would be better if she took the children to their father's or another relative's place for the evening.

You are entitled to live your life without your daughter controlling you, but it appears that may be exactly what she's trying to do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a very good swing dancer. I'm 22 and have been doing it since my sophomore year of high school. When I dance I feel alive and free.

My boyfriend of two years, "Jonah," whom I love dearly, isn't good at it. But he says he wants to learn so we can dance together.

We're going dancing this weekend and, truthfully, I don't want to go with him. When I asked him if it would be OK if I danced with some other dancer friends as well as with him, he said he was insulted and hurt by the question, and it would make him too jealous. I explained that I want to help him learn when we take lessons, but in the meantime, I want to dance freely.

I have ignored this issue for two years because I knew it would lead to a conflict. Should I suppress my love of dancing until Jonah is at my level or follow my heart and dance my socks off? -- BALLROOM BETSY

DEAR BALLROOM BETSY: How is Jonah doing with those dancing lessons? Has he even started? What if it turns out he has two left feet?

That he can't stand the idea of you dancing some of the dances with anyone else is a sign of insecurity. Are you willing to give up swing dancing to please him? If the answer is no, it may be time to change partners.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this in response to "Un-Grandparent in Ohio" (Aug. 25), whose pregnant teenage daughter has decided to place her baby for adoption.

My daughter and son-in-law adopted their newborn daughter in an open adoption. Each summer the adoption agency sponsors a picnic that is attended by birth and adoptive parents, grandparents and other family members -- and, of course, the adopted child. During the rest of the year, our daughter sends the birth mother photos and letters, going through the same agency.

I can only imagine the sadness Un-Grandparent is feeling. I hope her daughter has chosen an adoption agency like this one so she will be able to share in her grandchild's life. -- GRATEFUL ADOPTIVE GRANDMOTHER

DEAR GRATEFUL: I welcomed feedback from readers about that letter and, as always, they provided Un-Grandparent with thoughtful advice. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a grandmother and an attorney. I have done a lot of guardianship work over the years and would like the grandmother to know that in many cases similar to hers, it is the grandmother who adopts the baby. This is often the best solution for everyone -- especially the baby.

Most states favor adoptions by family members. It could be a wonderful ending/beginning for all concerned if that could happen in this case. -- GRANDMA CLAIRE

DEAR ABBY: I went through this with my daughter, who was not in a mental or financial position to keep the child. I was in the delivery room for the birth of all my grandchildren, but in order to distance myself from this child, I allowed the adoptive mom to go into the delivery instead, because it was important for her to bond with the baby. It was easier, in a sense, to distance myself from this child because of my daughter's circumstances.

I think about my grandson all the time, and I get pictures from the adoptive family. When the time is right, he will meet his biological family. My hope is that Un-Grandparent can trust the adoptive parents to be the right ones and that they will do the right thing for the child. -- CHRISTINE ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR ABBY: I was neither willing nor emotionally able to raise my 13-year-old daughter's child. There was an open adoption, with a family that had five children of their own, but neither my daughter nor I took the opportunity to get to know this child or his new family.

My parents (the baby's great-grandparents) made the effort to keep in touch and were welcomed with open arms. My parents brought all the children Christmas gifts, and my mother wrote to them often, visiting when they had a chance.

So, if this is an open adoption, there is still the possibility for you to have as much contact as everyone is comfortable with. There is no such thing as too much love! -- KATHRYN IN TEXAS