DEAR ABBY: You sometimes print letters from people who are looking to meet decent, honorable and interesting other people. While you have recommended volunteering, joining health clubs, going to church -- and staying out of bars -- something I have yet to see mentioned is a community-based arts organization.

Someone who is musically inclined might look for a local band, orchestra or community chorus. But I'd like to put in a word for community theater. A person doesn't have to be a performer; these groups need people to build sets, make costumes, locate props, run the backstage operations during a performance, etc. In the front of the house, they need people for promotion, selling tickets, ushering and soliciting donations from sponsors.

I met my husband of 30-plus years through a community theater group, and know of several other long-term marriages that came about the same way. I'm a seamstress, so I have made my share of costumes. But I have also learned how to frame a wall and build a staircase while working on set construction.

Even if you don't find that special someone, you will make dozens of new friends and have the satisfaction of accomplishing something at the same time. -- ALWAYS BUSY IN DES MOINES

DEAR ALWAYS BUSY: I love your suggestion. Not everyone is meant to be in front of the footlights, but that doesn't mean one can't be an important member of the team. And community theater is definitely a team effort.

DEAR ABBY: I find my wife's daughter and son-in-law, who live nearby, to be very unlikable. Her daughter is gossipy, arrogant, smug and superficial. The husband is ill-mannered, devoid of social skills, lazy, impossible to carry on a normal conversation with and, worst of all, a liar.

Naturally, I am expected to see them often, and the more I am around them, the less I like them. This has become apparent to my wife. We have had more than a few "spirited discussions" about it, which I view as a real threat to the long-term well-being of our marriage.

I have tried mightily for her sake to overlook their major personality and character flaws, with no success. I don't want another divorce. Please help. -- DESPERATE IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR DESPERATE: If you love your wife and don't want this marriage ruined, accept that you are going to have to accommodate to some degree her insufferable daughter and son-in-law. This does not mean you must love them or even enjoy their company. It does mean working out a compromise that includes spending some time with them.

You and your wife are not joined at the hip. Every visit doesn't have to include you. Take up some hobbies you can enjoy on your own. Develop a sense of humor where they are concerned. If you do, you won't force your wife to choose between you and her child, because the chances are you would lose.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I turned 50 and my co-workers held a small celebration. When we celebrate birthdays, we all have agreed to regift an item (usually a gag gift).

One of my presents was a black leather miniskirt and matching vest. I never planned on wearing it, but my husband, "Tom," and I were invited to an '80s-themed Halloween party and I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a costume, so we decided to go as a rock star and his groupie.

I left work early to get ready for the party. When Tom arrived home, he couldn't keep his eyes or hands off me. We never made it to the party and had the best sex we'd had in years. Before that night, our love life had been practically nonexistent.

Abby, please remind readers to always keep intimacy in their relationships. Apparently, Tom and I just needed to be creative and spice things up a little. -- HAPPIER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HAPPIER: That's a great suggestion. Now I know why your jack-o'-lantern was smiling.

DEAR ABBY: I was married for six years and had three children with my husband. He always said he hated people who cheat on their spouse, but then he had an affair with a married co-worker, a woman who had three kids. We had a huge argument about it. I called her names and he beat me up. I called the police, he was arrested, jailed, and I filed for divorce.

It has been six years and I have moved on, but I'm still angry over their cheating. They got married and invited mutual friends who knew of their affair. All of them attended the wedding.

When I questioned a few of them about why they didn't tell me he was cheating on me, they said it was "none of their business." (Oddly enough, those people thought nothing of socializing with the cheaters.)

I'd like to know how many of your readers would tell someone their spouse was cheating. I know I would, because affairs aren't innocent fun.

Just to add to the end of my story, my ex and his trophy wife are now divorcing after three years of marriage. The reason? He caught her cheating! -- THE EX-MRS. IN ILLINOIS

DEAR EX-MRS.: These "friends" may not have told you because they either didn't want to get involved, or they had already chosen whose side they planned to be on.

I suspect many readers will want to chime in on your question. And I also suspect that, unlike years ago when folks opted to remain silent, the majority will say they feel the spouse has a right to know because they would want to be told.

DEAR ABBY: Please provide advice on hugging a woman without it seeming like I am more interested in experiencing a free feel of her breasts than in just hugging her. Any help or suggestions will be appreciated. -- HEALTHY AMERICAN MALE

DEAR H.A.M.: If you are hugging women you don't have much of a relationship with, your intention could be misconstrued. If you think your attempt to be warm and friendly might be regarded as making a pass, then you shouldn't do it, or you may be considered less a "healthy American male" than a creepy lecher.

DEAR ABBY: What are the signs of prescription drug abuse? How would you suggest a young person like me (I am 13) confront a close family member about something like this, especially since I'm not sure?

I found an antidepressant prescribed for my mother. As long as I can remember, she has been a happy and upbeat person, and I have no reason to suspect she's depressed. I'm worried she may be abusing the medication.

I have never felt comfortable asking questions, so it would not be easy for me to ask her. Please help. I now have trouble even speaking to her. Any advice would be appreciated. -- WORRIED TEEN IN BOSTON

DEAR WORRIED TEEN: Perhaps it will lessen your fears to know that antidepressants are sometimes prescribed not only for depression, but also to help people with sleep problems and other conditions. You have reached an age when it is important for teens to be able to talk to their parents about any concerns they may have, and you should talk to your mom about this. Please don't procrastinate.

DEAR ABBY: You once wrote that you were allowed to read anything growing up -- nothing was taboo. We can all use good advice and be prepared when we encounter difficult situations.

I took that to heart and decided my children should read your column with me instead of my lecturing/instructing them about life. So now they take turns reading the questions aloud. We have a group discussion, and we all give our answers to the questions before we read your answers. If all of our answers are different, we have a new discussion.

I love it because of the topics that come up. My children are learning how to reason, and that people from all walks of life (and all ages) have problems and need help. And finally, I love that my children realize that it's OK to ask for help, and they shouldn't worry or feel ashamed to ask in any situation.

Thank you so much, Abby. Your column is a great parenting tool for me and my husband. -- MRS. M. IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR MRS. M.: Thank you for your kind words. My column may be a useful teaching tool, but you and your husband are using it wisely. While not everyone may agree with everything that's printed in my column, the discussions it often generates are helpful for sharing ideas and clarifying family values. This kind of communication brings families closer together.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I recently got engaged, and I was thrilled when he got down on one knee with my great-grandmother's ring. While I love both the ring and the idea that we saved a lot of money we can now put toward our wedding, I can tell he feels awkward when well-wishers congratulate him on having selected such a pretty and expensive ring. What's the best way to respond to these comments and make my fiance feel like he did a great job? -- VINTAGE-LOVING BRIDE

DEAR VLB: It isn't necessary to discuss the history of the ring with everyone who comments. Because you know your fiance is sensitive about it, just smile and say thank you.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)