life

Teen Hesitates to Approach Parents About Fear of OCD

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and I'm afraid I may have OCD. I want to find out, but what's standing in my way is that sometimes my parents think I make stuff up to get attention. I'm afraid to tell them, but I know if I do, it will answer my question. Can you give me some advice? -- ANONYMOUS IN OHIO

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Be brave and talk to your parents about your fears. They are your best friends, and you should be able to talk to them about anything -- particularly anything that bothers you. However, before you do, make a list of the behaviors that cause you to think you may have OCD, and when you approach them, read them what's on it. That way, if you become nervous, you won't forget anything.

Mental HealthTeens
life

Boyfriend's Social Networking Gives Girl Cause For Concern

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her boyfriend have been dating for three years. They are now in their first year of college and she gets upset when he texts other girls and Snapchats them. He makes her feel like she's overreacting, but I can understand her fears that he is being unfaithful. What do you think about social networking and how it can affect relationships and even marriage? -- WISE MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WISE MOM: If someone wants to be unfaithful, social networking makes it easier than ever. But men and women who are ready to settle down and make a commitment do not look for outside adventures, no matter how they go about it.

If your daughter is insecure about what her boyfriend is doing, she may have good reason. If she's right about her hunches, the time has come for both of them to meet and date other people. Because she has spent so much of her teens with only this young man, the prospect may frighten her. But please explain that this will be her chance to mature and grow. As a "Wise Mom," I'm sure you can get the message across.

Love & Dating
life

Cat And Its Claws Are Point Of Contention

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My children were over at my in-laws' recently. When we came to pick them up, they told us their cat had scratched our son. Sure enough, there were five scratch marks on his face, circling his left eye.

In the past we have recommended they have the cat declawed so this wouldn't happen. They told us that cats can make mistakes just like kids do. We do not share their opinion. Would it be unreasonable to not allow our kids to be over there unless they declaw that cat? -- "DISCATIFIED" IN WISCONSIN

DEAR "DISCATIFIED": Cats do not normally "attack" children out of nowhere. Before you insist they declaw their pet, perhaps you should investigate what led up to your child being scratched. Could your child have done something that caused the animal to react defensively? If that might be the case, then your son should be taught about the proper handling of animals, because declawing a cat is not minor surgery. It's like having the tips of one's fingers amputated, and some cities have outlawed the practice.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Son's Sex Life Is Exposed by Unlucky Coincidence

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: How much interest in an adult child's sex life is normal? My mother seems obsessed.

I hooked up with a girl a couple of months ago on a Friday. She spent most of the weekend with me. We both knew it wouldn't go further than that.

It turns out she works with my mom, who by chance found out about the weekend. Mom has been interrogating her for every detail every chance she gets, and she likes to drop details into my daily life to embarrass me.

How much interest is a parent supposed to show? Mine knows my favorite position and intimate interests. -- EXPOSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXPOSED: It seems your mother is not only nosy, but also has a sadistic sense of humor. She's getting a kick out of embarrassing you.

Tell her to lay off because what she's doing is inappropriate, and it's making you uncomfortable. If she can't respect your wishes, then realize it's time you put some distance between you and Mama. And to prevent this from happening in the future, find out more about the chicks you hook up with because this last one sings like a bird.

Sex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Presentation Takes A Holiday At Friends' Dinner Celebrations

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: The holidays will soon be here, and so will something that may seem petty, but really irks me. My friends have a large home with plenty of room, so they usually host the holiday dinners. We -- the guests -- supply a few side dishes to accompany the meal. I usually bring several "sides" because I like to cook and I enjoy variety.

My problem is presentation. I bring my sides in nice casserole dishes and do my best to make them look appealing. Because I'm not particularly artistic, it takes some effort. When I arrive with the food, my hosts unceremoniously dump it into disposable aluminum containers, wash my dishes and put them aside.

I hope I don't sound picky, but even when I have asked that the items be served in the dishes I brought, the hosts say, "Oh, this is easier." I have said I don't mind bringing home dirty dishes, but my wishes are ignored. Am I being petty? -- FRUSTRATED GUEST IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I don't think your feelings are petty. Having put as much effort as you have into making the food you're preparing look as appetizing as possible, it's understandable. However, because this is a recurring annoyance, consider preparing this year's contributions in disposable aluminum pans. That way, your creations won't be "dumped."

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Man Runs Out Of Patience Waiting For Wife To Do 'One Last Thing'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 21st, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a neatnik who always finds extra or unexpected things to do before meeting me at the car, in the TV room, etc. It means I always must wait for her before going anyplace.

I have asked her a thousand times to avoid doing "one last thing" before coming to meet me. How can I appeal to her better nature to avoid tending to every tiny detail before joining me? Or am I being too impatient? -- WAITING FOR YOUR ANSWER

DEAR WAITING: I'm sorry, but I can't give you an unbiased answer because I am guilty of the same thing, and it makes my husband crazy, too. (I suspect your wife and I are not the only women who do this.)

Marriage & Divorce
life

New Girlfriend Is Eager to Rid Garage of Ex-Girlfriend's Stuff

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ron," and I have been together for more than a year, and we now live together. His garage is full to overflowing with his ex-girlfriend's belongings. She apparently left him and all her stuff -- including her four cats -- to marry some guy she met online. She no longer lives in this country.

I'm fine with taking care of the cats; they are innocent and I love them. However, I want her stuff out of the garage. Ron thinks it's "the right thing to do" to keep it until she can arrange for it to be moved to her new place.

Abby, it has been a year and a half! She's not going to move this stuff. I want to donate it or trash it as appropriate, and I don't think legally we have any responsibility to tell her or ask her before we do. What do you think? -- WANTS IT GONE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR WANTS IT GONE: It would be neither appropriate nor kind to do anything to Ron's ex-girlfriend's belongings without warning. Ron should contact her, inform her that he wants to use his garage for the purpose it is intended, and ask if she wants the items she left to be disposed of or put into storage at her expense. He should allow a reasonable time for her to respond before doing anything, and you should distance yourself from the process.

Love & Dating
life

Guest Issues Her Own Invitations To Friend's Parties

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend with one annoying habit. Whenever we have a party, she'll invite friends without asking first, or by saying, "I told them it was OK to come." It creates a problem because we plan our parties for a certain number of guests, and now there are two, three, sometimes even four more -- often on short notice.

I like her friends, but they are not close friends of mine. Sometimes I just would like to have an intimate gathering with four to six people.

At my last gathering she invited not only her friends but also their children. It went from an intimate brunch for six to a party of 12. We even had to set up a second table.

How can I get her to stop, short of not inviting her to any more of our parties? I feel stuck in a situation that no matter what I do, I'm going to P.O. somebody. Any suggestions? -- PARTY PLANNER IN GEORGIA

DEAR PARTY PLANNER: Your "friend" has a lot of nerve and no manners. She appears to be using you to entertain her other friends, which is not only rude, but also extremely presumptuous. She will continue treating you this way until you call a halt by telling her to cut it out because you don't like it. If she can't respect your wishes after that, see her only on a one-on-one basis.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Woman Gambles Away Her Children's Welfare

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I know someone who receives Social Security for her disabled children. She uses that money to feed a slot machine. Those children could have so many opportunities if their money was used appropriately and it's going down the drain. What can I do about it? It saddens me. -- THINKING ABOUT THE KIDS

DEAR THINKING ABOUT THE KIDS: It appears the woman is addicted to gambling. What she's doing may "sadden" you, but as a taxpaying American it infuriates me because her children aren't getting the assistance that money is meant to provide. So please, pick up the phone, call the Department of Children's Services and clue them in to what's happening. I'm betting they'll be interested.

AbuseMoneyAddiction

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