DEAR ABBY: The issue of thank-you notes comes up often in your column. May I share how I learned to write them? When I was young, my mother asked me one day why I was so resistant. I said I hated addressing them and I never knew what to say! It was overwhelming to me.

Mother taught me some phrases such as, "I appreciate your thoughtfulness," and ways to close like, "I hope to see you again soon." She gently reminded me that the sooner I wrote, the easier it would be to express words of gratitude. She also made a deal with me: If I quit complaining and procrastinating, she'd address them for me until I turned 18.

When I turned 18 she gave me an address book filled with the addresses of our family and friends, beautiful new stationery and a book of stamps. In case you're curious, my 18th birthday gifts were all acknowledged with thank-you notes addressed by me! I'm 22 now, and I have never missed a note. -- SARAH B., ANSONIA, CONN.

DEAR SARAH B.: Thank you for your charming letter. Your mother was not only a good negotiator, she also taught you a skill that will be valuable as you grow older.

I print letters about this subject so often because of the number of complaints I receive about the failure to receive a thank-you note. When a gift (or check) isn't acknowledged, the message it sends is that the item wasn't appreciated, which is insulting and hurtful.

Chief among the reasons people don't send thank-you notes is that they don't know what to say and are afraid they'll say the wrong thing. That's why my booklet, "How to Write Letters," was written. It contains samples of thank-you letters for birthday gifts, shower gifts and wedding gifts, as well as those that arrive around holiday time. It also includes letters of congratulations and ones regarding difficult topics -- including letters of condolence for the loss of a parent, spouse or a child. It can be ordered by sending name, mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.) Use it to tailor your own messages. With the holiday season approaching and people sending gifts and greetings through the end of the year, this is the perfect time to reply with a handwritten letter, note or well-written email.

Because composition of letters and notes is not always effectively taught in the schools, my booklet can provide a helpful tutorial, and is particularly valuable for parents as a way to teach their children how to write using proper etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: My question is very simple, Abby. Who determines right or wrong in your life, your opinions, your column? This will tell me all I need to know about your wisdom or advice. -- RON IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RON: Actually, I think your question is anything but "simple," and the answer is: I do.

DEAR ABBY: I had weight-loss surgery three years ago. I am down 100 pounds and feel great. I'm new in the dating game and wonder if I'm supposed to disclose that I was previously 100 pounds overweight. Is it any of their business, or do I not address the topic? -- LESS OF ME IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LESS: I don't think your health history needs to be announced right from the "git-go." As people date, get to know each other, become comfortable and eventually intimate, more and more information is revealed. When it's appropriate to discuss it, you will know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widower and am dating a divorcee. We have been together for about 18 months. She says she loves me and wants to get married. I like her and enjoy her company, but that is it. I also have no desire to marry, or live with anyone, again.

I would like to end it and let her continue in her search for a husband, but every time I try to do it she cries. How can I tell her I am not the one? -- NOT THE ONE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR NOT THE ONE: You and this lady have very different objectives. I assume that if she has burst into tears she has already gotten your message. My advice is instead of repeating it, to stop calling her. However, if you feel that to achieve closure there must be a face-to-face conversation, approach it with a large box of tissues in your hand and repeat what you have written to me.

DEAR ABBY: For the first time, I am hosting my nephew and his family for Thanksgiving. I abhor texting and any electronic amusements that deter face-to-face family communication. I need to know the best way to explain -- before they arrive -- that it is not allowed in my home. -- HOSTESS WITH RULES IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HOSTESS WITH RULES: Transmit your message the old-fashioned way. Call and tell them your wishes so they'll have plenty of time to make other plans if they feel unable to comply with your "house rules." It will also give you enough time to invite other guests in the event that your nephew and his family are so addicted to their electronics that they can't comfortably abide by your wishes.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute each and every one of you for your service to this country. My thanks as well to the brave and dedicated men and women who are still on active duty. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: May I have some advice about a touchy subject? One of my boyfriend's close friends is going through his third bout with cancer and the prognosis is not good. He is married with a healthy 3-year-old son. So imagine our surprise when his wife announced she's pregnant.

This is a decision we do not support. I don't know what they're thinking, but if you are facing the reality that your spouse will not be around much longer, we don't feel it is wise to bring another child into the world who will never know his or her father.

Some of her close friends want to throw her a "sprinkle," and although I am only an acquaintance, I have been invited. How do I handle this? Should I attend and keep my thoughts to myself, decline and/or send a small gift in my absence? I have a hard time making small talk about subjects I don't agree with.

Did I mention she does nothing but complain about how hard her life is now? I'm afraid if I go and get involved, I'll be on the hook down the road when she wants to complain about how hard it is to raise two children alone. -- ISN'T MY CHOICE

DEAR ISN'T: Feeling as you do, decline the invitation. This woman needs friends around her during this painful and traumatic time, and you do not qualify. To send a small gift would be both thoughtful and kind, because I am sure her life is extremely difficult now.

As to this couple having made a decision with which you do not agree, allow me to point out that not all pregnancies are planned, and this may be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My folks are in their mid-70s and have health problems. My oldest niece, "Riley," will graduate from high school next spring and is considering going to a college near them. My parents recently told me that my brother is suggesting Riley move in with them.

The girl has some behavioral issues and is in counseling. She's not an easy, happy or normal kid. My parents are extremely uncomfortable with the idea, but have not said anything to my brother. I think they are afraid of a fight or causing hurt feelings. He is in denial about his daughter's problems.

I'm concerned about my parents. At their age, I don't think it's fair to expect them to have another teenager in their home, much less one with issues. Is it my place to say something, and if so, what do I say? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MOM AND DAD

DEAR LOOKING OUT: You should definitely say something, but not to your brother. Talk with your parents. Remind them that if they're not OK with the arrangement your brother has proposed, it's their responsibility to make plain that because of their ages and their health problems they'll be unable to accommodate his request. Because it's the truth, it shouldn't cause an argument or hurt feelings. Also, your brother will have plenty of advance notice that other living arrangements will have to be made for Riley.