DEAR ABBY: I am an educated, single woman in my 30s. I'd love to be a mom one day, but because I have fertility/ovulation issues, I'll need treatments in order to conceive. I'm scared that by the time I find a husband, I may be too old.

For the last few months I have been dating a great guy, "Scott." He says he's willing to help me have a child. However, when marriage was mentioned, Scott said he won't be ready to settle down for a few more years. I understand, because he's not yet financially stable. I don't mind waiting to marry him, but I can't wait that long to have children.

My friends say I scream "desperation," but most of them are also in their 30s, married and aggressively seeking fertility treatments. Should I wait for the unknown or take a leap of faith? -- WEIGHING MY OPTIONS IN HOUSTON

DEAR WEIGHING: No one can answer that for you. But while you're pondering, let me weigh in: Before "leaping," you should be fully aware that Scott -- as nice as he may be -- may not be husband material. The baby could be in college before he's ready to settle down, so the responsibility of raising your child may be solely yours.

I assume that as an educated woman you have a good job, but it's important you discuss this with an attorney, so Scott's financial responsibility to his child will be spelled out beforehand. Children and child care are expensive. If something unforeseen were to happen to you or the child -- an accident, a physical or mental illness or disability -- the costs could skyrocket.

Also, if you're a regular reader, you may have noticed that more than a few women say that because they have a child, men shy away, which could negatively affect your chances of marrying in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have married children. When it comes to holiday meals, we have a problem. For instance, our youngest daughter was the first to ask us for Thanksgiving dinner. I gave no answer at the time. That same day, one of our sons asked. Another son asked a day later. I told them all I'd let them know.

Well, the day after that, our oldest daughter called and invited us. We have been to all the kids' homes for holiday dinners except our oldest daughter's. Because we had never been there for a holiday, we accepted her invitation. Now our youngest daughter, who asked us first, is upset. She choked up on the phone when I told her we were going to her sister's. How do we make all our children happy? What should we have done? -- HOLIDAY DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: The way you handled it was not only insensitive, but also rude. Because your youngest daughter was the first to invite you, you should have either accepted her invitation or declined -- not strung her along and kept her hanging. I don't blame her for feeling hurt because it now appears you favor her older sister.

From now on, work out a plan in which you rotate holiday dinners among your children and there will be fewer hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and my mom won't let me dye my hair! Earlier this year she finally let me color it red, which I have wanted for years. I went blond for my sister's wedding, but I'm naturally blond and I don't like it because it's boring. A ton of people compliment me on my hair, but I don't care what people think, I just want to be me and not anyone else.

So, my mom is being too controlling. She says I have to stay blond until I can pay for it myself, and I don't have a job. My parents are very strict and I would never be allowed to get a tattoo, but I want my red hair back. How do I go about convincing her that no matter how much people love the blond, I don't like it and I want a change? -- NATURAL BLONDE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NATURAL BLONDE: When a person changes hair color more than twice in one year, it can seriously damage the hair. Also, red is the hardest color to keep up because it tends to oxidize and turn "brassy." (I am speaking from experience.) It can also be expensive.

If you want to "go red" once you're working and can afford it, you can make your own decision. But in the meantime, listen to your mother -- she's looking out for your interests.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 20s and finishing up two degrees at university. I am an only child, and my mother is one of the youngest among 10 siblings, so I have many cousins.

I have always been the "good one," the one who is responsible, not addicted to drugs and who has a promising future. Because of this, my childless aunts and uncles and those with irresponsible children have looked to me for moral support and guidance during their golden years. Many of them are now in their 60s.

Abby, I already have to take care of my parents as they grow older. This stress as an only child and the "responsible cousin" weighs heavily on me. What would you advise? -- THE GOOD ONE

DEAR GOOD ONE: Recognize what your limitations are and pace yourself accordingly. As you start your professional life and, eventually, your own family, it's important that you not allow yourself to be spread so thin you make yourself sick.

Your first responsibility must be to yourself, your immediate family and your parents. If looking out for your aunts and uncles becomes more time- and energy-consuming than you can handle, consider enlisting the help of a social worker.

DEAR ABBY: During meals, my girlfriend uses her fingers to push the food on her plate onto her fork. She does it not only when we're at home -- just the two of us -- but also out in public at restaurants. This can't be proper manners, can it? How can I get her to stop without upsetting her? Or am I better off not bringing up the subject? -- UNCERTAIN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: What your girlfriend is doing is considered poor table manners. Because she's having trouble maneuvering her food onto her fork, suggest to her that she should do what some Europeans do -- push it onto the fork using the blade of her knife.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for eight years. We have no children of our own, but he has an 18-year-old daughter from a previous relationship who has been coming over every other weekend and holidays since she was 10. Even though she lives with her mother, she has a dedicated room that's packed to the gills with her clothes, games, toys, etc.

I would like to repurpose her room now that she is off to college. My husband says no. We don't have a guest bedroom, so I feel strongly that it makes no sense to keep her room intact when we could use the extra space. I have made many sacrifices as a stepmother over the years, and feel I deserve to finally stretch out a bit and enjoy the extra space. By the way, all the furniture in her room happens to be mine, and her room used to be my guest room before we got married.

My friends agree with me, but my husband says he needs "time to adjust." I'm really upset and would like an objective opinion. Am I being unreasonable or asking too much too soon? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If you want peace and tranquility under your roof, my advice is to slow down and don't jump the gun. Your husband appears to be suffering from a form of empty nest anxiety right now. Let this play out for another year or two, so he can see how little his daughter will be using that room. It would also be better for her not to feel that the minute she left town you dismantled "her" room. If you'll be patient, and trust me on this, you'll look like a saint. If you don't, you may come across as heavy-handed and be labeled a wicked stepmother.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are friendly with our neighbors. We're all smokers, but they don't smoke inside and we do.

It seems like they have decided that coming to our house every day to hang out is acceptable, which normally wouldn't be a problem. But they come in, sit on our couch and don't say a word to us. Their eyes are glued to their tablets or cellphones instead. They respond to our attempts at conversation with grunts, never looking up from their entertainment. They'll stay for an hour or so, then leave.

I have the feeling they're using our house as a "smoking room" so they won't have to stand in the cold or be away from their entertainment. My husband is going to say something soon because he's not happy and our "hints" haven't been acknowledged. Is this as rude as I think it is? -- PUFFING MAD IN MAINE

DEAR PUFFING MAD: Yes, it is. Although you and your neighbors are all smokers, it appears you have little else in common. You say your husband is going to say something "soon." I recommend he speak up the next time these people show up and "suggest" that they leave their electronic devices at home. What boors!