life

Dinner-Table Bully May Be Victim of Low Blood Sugar

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 6th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: In reference to "It's All Good, Until ..." (Aug. 1), the woman whose otherwise easygoing husband turns hypercritical every evening at dinner, he may have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) or be pre-diabetic as my husband is.

My story is the same as hers. My husband is even-tempered and a great partner -- until his sugar gets low. Then he turns from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde.

My advice to her is to have a doctor check her husband for those issues. In the meantime, he might start having an afternoon protein snack so his sugar doesn't drop by dinner if that is, in fact, the problem. Peanut butter crackers are excellent. -- SOMEONE WHO KNOWS IN KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR SOMEONE: Thank you for the heads-up. Dozens of readers offered similar opinions about the husband's behavior, including a registered nurse who wrote: "What's happening may be that his blood sugar or glucose is getting too low at that time and causing personality changes. ... This time of day is crucial for people with either diabetes or other insulin problems. Please suggest her husband see a doctor to have this checked."

Health & Safety
life

Man Is Ready To Hang Up On One-Way Phone Calls

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 6th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: "Ingrid" and I have been dating for a couple of months. We're in our early 50s and both of us have been married before. We get along fine and our relationship is proceeding slowly, but appropriately.

My problem is, when we talk on the phone we don't really have a conversation. Ingrid will talk without interruption, sometimes for five minutes at a time. I can't get a word in. I can put the phone down and come back and she'll still be talking. It's not quite that bad in person, although she's still quite a talker. Often, she'll ask me a question, then interrupt me when I try to answer. It really bugs me.

It has reached a point that I don't want to talk to her on the phone. The calls can last 30 minutes or more, and I get bored and irritated. How do I address this with her without hurting her feelings or affecting our relationship? She's starting to feel my reluctance to call her back. -- GETTING AN EARFUL IN ARIZONA

DEAR GETTING AN EARFUL: If Ingrid is starting to feel your reluctance to return her calls, I'm guessing she has found a way to let you know. This is your opening for a truth session with your lady friend in which you explain how those phone monologues -- notice I didn't say "conversations" -- make you feel.

What she's doing is rude. The cause may be nervousness, thoughtlessness, or that she's a compulsive talker. If she cares about you, she will want to know if she's doing something that's making you back away. Being honest with her is the only way to get this fixed, if the problem is fixable. At your ages, lifelong habits may not be easy to break.

Love & Dating
life

Daughter's New Lifestyle Puts Mother in an Awkward Position

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, the mother of six children, has left her husband and is now involved in a three-way with a man and woman. She has not shielded her kids from these "new friends," as she calls them. Because I won't let her "friends" come along, she refuses to visit me.

I love my daughter, but I consider this relationship to be sick, and I hate that she's exposing her children to these people. Am I wrong to tell her to leave her bedroom activity out of the picture and visit me for just a day without them? We were always very close, but no more. -- DISTRESSED MIDWESTERN GRANNY

DEAR DISTRESSED: I'm sure you love your daughter, but sometimes the way we phrase things can get in the way of the message we are trying to convey. Perhaps if you invited her to visit "because you love her and would like to spend some mother-daughter time with her," it would be perceived as less judgmental and more welcoming.

She may be reluctant to spend time alone with you because she knows it will result in a lecture from you about her lifestyle. Remember, she's an adult woman and can make decisions about her sex life for herself. While you and I may think it's unwise for her to expose her children to this triad, that message might be more appropriate coming from their father, rather than her mother.

Sex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Beard Was Boyfriend's Main Attraction

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For the past few months I have been dating a man I'll call "Barry." This is my first relationship in five years and we get along well.

When we first met, I was physically attracted to Barry for many reasons, but in particular because he had a gorgeous beard. A beard is kind of important for me. Some women like tall men, others like long hair. I'm a "beard woman."

The problem is, Barry has told me I ogle any beard I see (not true). And he now gets annoyed if I look at or compliment his beard. A few days ago, he shaved it off.

I care about Barry, but I'm not as attracted to him when he's clean-shaven. I think he did it as an act of defiance. How can I get him to understand that I don't ogle every beard I see, and convince him to keep his whiskers without hurting his ego? -- FUZZ-LOVING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FUZZ-LOVING: Barry may have shaved the beard as "an act of defiance" -- or not. He may have done it because it was uncomfortably hot or itchy, and he prefers being clean-shaven. My advice is to ask him -- in a non-hostile way -- why he got rid of it.

Many people think that the person behind a beard is what's most important. However, if you're not one of them, because he's no longer willing to wear one, you may have to look elsewhere for a furry friend.

Love & Dating
life

Modesty Leads To Dishonesty For Student Working Way Through School

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am at a loss about what to tell certain friends and family members about my job. I work in the adult industry to put myself through college, and I'm having a hard time finding a lie I can stick to. While I am not ashamed of what I do, I certainly can't tell my grandfather. This puts me in the awkward predicament of having to be dishonest with someone I love. Do you have any advice? -- LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE

DEAR LIVING: Yes. Because lying to your friends and relatives makes you uncomfortable, consider some other way to pay for your education.

Sex & GenderWork & School
life

Woman's Childhood Boyfriend Is Plagued by Checkered Past

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 4th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man with a big heart. He was my boyfriend when we were both 6 years old. We lost touch for many years, but when I ran into him again we reconnected with a vengeance. We are great together, and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else.

We come from a small town, and he remained there until a year ago when he moved in with me. We now live in a major city and things are very different here. Applying for jobs requires a background check. In the small town we are from, it wasn't a common practice. He was, to put it gently, quite "mischievous" when he was younger. He has a couple of DUIs, plus a few other things.

During the past year he has turned things around, but despite his efforts he has been unable to find work. (He has no felonies.) There are websites to assist felons, but none to assist people like him. He has been to unemployment and temp agencies -- nothing. I'm getting desperate. How does someone with a criminal history find employment? -- FEELING HELPLESS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR FEELING HELPLESS: That's a good question, and it's one that legislators have been looking into. Some laws in certain jurisdictions limit an employer's ability to look at criminal records. It might be worth your while to discuss this with a labor lawyer in your state to find out what the statutes are, because it is not the same in all states. While it might not solve your problem, it will give you a realistic idea of what the two of you are facing in the future.

Love & DatingWork & School
life

Husband Can't Kick Chewing Tobacco Habit

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 4th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my dear husband for 20 years. Several years after our wedding, I found out he was dipping chewing tobacco. I was very upset because I realized he had been keeping a major secret from me. He has tried to quit several times, but starts up again.

It makes me furious every time I see proof of this disgusting habit. I have had to lie to my kids when evidence was left in his truck. I'm at my wits' end. I know he will quit only when he is ready, but how do I live with it? -- UNHAPPY ABOUT IT IN TEXAS

DEAR UNHAPPY: People who are addicted to chewing tobacco are at risk for cancers of the mouth, tongue and throat. I would be shocked if your husband's dentist hasn't discussed this with him more than once, because these cancers can be not only disfiguring but also life-threatening, if the patient can be saved.

There are medical interventions to help people who are hooked on tobacco -- but only if they want to be tobacco-free. An online community, TheQuit.org, offers information on helping someone stop chewing tobacco. Check it out.

My advice for living with an addict is to join a support group. It will help you recognize that you can't "fix" your husband. He and he alone is responsible for his own fate.

AddictionHealth & Safety

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