DEAR ABBY: After 10 years of marriage, my now ex-husband told me he is transgender. He isn't taking hormones, but he makes no attempt to hide his feminine dressing, makeup and wigs from our 6- and 9-year-old sons. They understand little of their dad's new life, other than that their dad likes "girl stuff." They often tell me they are embarrassed being with their dad in public when he has his nails painted or is wearing female clothing.

I have tried talking to my ex about this, but he becomes resentful when I bring it up. He feels he can do whatever he wants regardless of how he embarrasses our sons. Do you think I could take him to court to have an order put in place that he not dress like that when he has our children? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: You could discuss it with your divorce lawyer, but I don't think it would work. It would be much better if you asked your ex to explain to his boys the reason he's dressing in female attire so they can understand it. Your husband is not going to change, so they are going to have to interact with him until they are quite a bit older.

DEAR ABBY: Our nephew, whom we raised, has offered my husband and me a lovely home to live in during our "senior years." We are both in our 70s, live on Social Security, and I am physically unable to do much of anything, so our nephew has also offered us a weekly gardener and a house cleaner twice a month.

Abby, how are we ever going to be able to repay his generosity? My children are not in a position to offer us much help, but they plan to be around and help with additions to the house, painting and things like that. How can I repay them for the labor they're going to expend? I'm so grateful to all of them and feel helpless to let them know how I feel. -- SO GRATEFUL IN ROMNEY, W.VA.

DEAR SO GRATEFUL: You have obviously been a wonderful parent to your children and the nephew you raised like a son. Now it's time for them to repay you, so please relax and accept it. Because you want to give them something, consider assembling family albums for each of them or a cookbook containing some of your special recipes. I am sure that receiving such treasures along with your thanks and your love will be compensation enough.

DEAR ABBY: I have an 11-year-old daughter who was diagnosed with severe ADHD and anxiety at the age of 7. She is receiving treatment for her condition.

My problem is, I don't know how to cope with her and her condition. I get impatient and frustrated when I have to continually repeat myself because she's not doing what she has to do. I'm afraid I may have hurt her by lashing out at her in anger, and I catch myself yelling and screaming more than hugging and praising. I need to find help and resources to educate me and provide support for this very real condition. -- IN ADHD TURMOIL

DEAR IN TURMOIL: A place to start would be to discuss your concerns with the doctor or therapist who has been treating your daughter. Your feelings are not unusual, and he or she may be able to direct you to a parent support group in your area.

If that's not possible, go online and search "support groups for parents of children with ADHD." You will find many pages of resources -- so many that it's not possible to list all of them here.

DEAR ABBY: My lunch date for today canceled on me. Generally, when a girl does this, I delete her number and move on. But in this instance, it wasn't a first or second date. We have been seeing each other for about a month and have built up some degree of intimacy. Moreover, I know she's not lying when she says she had a busy week. She apologized via text not once, but twice.

Nevertheless, I feel that as genuine as her apology was and as she has seemed in the time we have been together, this incident indicates either a lack of caring or integrity.

Would I be right to forget her? Or is this the one time a cancellation is justified? -- CLASSIC OVER-ANALYZER IN L.A.

DEAR OVER-ANALYZER: Your problem isn't that you are a classic over-analyzer; it's that you seem to be extremely insecure to the point of courting rejection when none is there. People cannot always control their schedules. And cancellations can happen more than once without it being an indication of lack of interest or caring. I see no reason why you should "forget" a woman whose company you enjoy, unless you are a masochist.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of three grown children who all have successful careers. The problem is they seem to have lost touch with the real world. They no longer have compassion or respect for people who must live with less, or who are not as well-educated as they are. This includes my husband and me.

We feel like we no longer fit into their world. It has become hard for us to have any relationship with them. How can I make them see that money and status are not the only things in this world, and that they should show more compassion to others? -- IN TOUCH WITH THE WORLD IN OHIO

DEAR IN TOUCH: You have my sympathy, but the lessons you would like to teach your adult children are ones they should have learned during childhood. Sometimes people who are "nouveau riche" try to forget their humble beginnings by avoiding the people who knew them when they were regular folks. It couldn't hurt to remind your offspring that money and status can be lost as quickly as they were earned, but family is supposed to be there forever.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful daughter who is a perfect mother and wife. The problem is, she's in her 40s and dresses really inappropriately, sometimes wearing skirts and shorts so short they barely cover her bottom. She's also very voluptuous and always shows cleavage. When she goes out for the evening, she shows practically everything.

She takes lots of photographs with her family, and in all of them she's so exposed that sometimes when she gives me prints, I have to add magic marker so she looks more modest. She is a sweet person who is loved by everyone, so I don't know how to handle this. Please help me. -- COVERED UP IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR COVERED UP: You say your daughter is a perfect mother and wife in her 40s. She may display her assets because it has been a winning combination for her so far or because her husband likes it.

The time is long past when you should tell her what or what not to wear, even if you are well-meaning. The best advice I can offer is to continue wielding your magic marker and pray for colder weather.

DEAR ABBY: I had my last cigarette and drink of alcohol 50 years ago. Back then, excessive drinking, smoking, overeating or nail-biting were signs of weak will, sinfulness, bad upbringing and who knows what else.

Fortunately, over the years the pendulum swung, making it possible for literally millions of people to get into recovery for what we now know is a disease -- addiction.

Unfortunately, the pendulum is now swinging back again. Now everyone has a "disease" over which they have no control. Therefore, they have an excuse to drink too much, overeat, eat sugar while taking their insulin -- the list goes on and on.

Sadly, this business of taking no responsibility for one's own health and -- worse yet -- often blaming someone or something else for the problem, takes away from those who are taking responsibility for themselves. Getting by with a third DUI, or verbally abusing your spouse, being excused for being late to work for the fourth time because of one's "disease" all contribute to the continuation of the stigma which many of us have been fighting for so long.

Addiction is a disease, and there are many avenues of recovery: mental, spiritual, medical, intellectual and philosophical. What they all have in common is they require a commitment to getting well and, more importantly, a determination to recover.

It is true that there are people with serious maladies that cannot be controlled by any means. My heart goes out to them. Fortunately, they are few and far between and the medical profession is working hard to find answers for them.

Abby, I want to reinforce your dedication to promoting personal responsibility. It is desperately needed! -- ROBERTA MEYER, FORMER PRESIDENT, NATIONAL COUNCIL ON ALCOHOL AND DRUG DEPENDENCE -- CALIFORNIA

DEAR ROBERTA: Your letter contains many important truths, and thank you for taking the time to write. As I have said in columns past, the first step in solving a problem is admitting there is one and deciding to do something about it. The same is true for addiction. That's why 12-step programs are so effective. In these programs, people gain emotional support from others who are traveling the same path to recovery.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 70s and have been married five years. I don't understand his telling me that the reason we don't have sex is because I always have too many clothes on. He says it's too much trouble.

I wear normal clothing, and I undress for the occasion. What am I not understanding about his thoughts on this subject? -- CONFUSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFUSED: I suspect your husband may not be giving you a straight answer because he's embarrassed. When a man says sex is "too much trouble," it's usually because he's having trouble performing. The problem may be his sex drive has diminished or it could be physical. But it won't be resolved unless he's willing to have a frank conversation about it with his doctor. For your sake, urge him to do it.