DEAR ABBY: My lunch date for today canceled on me. Generally, when a girl does this, I delete her number and move on. But in this instance, it wasn't a first or second date. We have been seeing each other for about a month and have built up some degree of intimacy. Moreover, I know she's not lying when she says she had a busy week. She apologized via text not once, but twice.

Nevertheless, I feel that as genuine as her apology was and as she has seemed in the time we have been together, this incident indicates either a lack of caring or integrity.

Would I be right to forget her? Or is this the one time a cancellation is justified? -- CLASSIC OVER-ANALYZER IN L.A.

DEAR OVER-ANALYZER: Your problem isn't that you are a classic over-analyzer; it's that you seem to be extremely insecure to the point of courting rejection when none is there. People cannot always control their schedules. And cancellations can happen more than once without it being an indication of lack of interest or caring. I see no reason why you should "forget" a woman whose company you enjoy, unless you are a masochist.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of three grown children who all have successful careers. The problem is they seem to have lost touch with the real world. They no longer have compassion or respect for people who must live with less, or who are not as well-educated as they are. This includes my husband and me.

We feel like we no longer fit into their world. It has become hard for us to have any relationship with them. How can I make them see that money and status are not the only things in this world, and that they should show more compassion to others? -- IN TOUCH WITH THE WORLD IN OHIO

DEAR IN TOUCH: You have my sympathy, but the lessons you would like to teach your adult children are ones they should have learned during childhood. Sometimes people who are "nouveau riche" try to forget their humble beginnings by avoiding the people who knew them when they were regular folks. It couldn't hurt to remind your offspring that money and status can be lost as quickly as they were earned, but family is supposed to be there forever.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful daughter who is a perfect mother and wife. The problem is, she's in her 40s and dresses really inappropriately, sometimes wearing skirts and shorts so short they barely cover her bottom. She's also very voluptuous and always shows cleavage. When she goes out for the evening, she shows practically everything.

She takes lots of photographs with her family, and in all of them she's so exposed that sometimes when she gives me prints, I have to add magic marker so she looks more modest. She is a sweet person who is loved by everyone, so I don't know how to handle this. Please help me. -- COVERED UP IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR COVERED UP: You say your daughter is a perfect mother and wife in her 40s. She may display her assets because it has been a winning combination for her so far or because her husband likes it.

The time is long past when you should tell her what or what not to wear, even if you are well-meaning. The best advice I can offer is to continue wielding your magic marker and pray for colder weather.

DEAR ABBY: I had my last cigarette and drink of alcohol 50 years ago. Back then, excessive drinking, smoking, overeating or nail-biting were signs of weak will, sinfulness, bad upbringing and who knows what else.

Fortunately, over the years the pendulum swung, making it possible for literally millions of people to get into recovery for what we now know is a disease -- addiction.

Unfortunately, the pendulum is now swinging back again. Now everyone has a "disease" over which they have no control. Therefore, they have an excuse to drink too much, overeat, eat sugar while taking their insulin -- the list goes on and on.

Sadly, this business of taking no responsibility for one's own health and -- worse yet -- often blaming someone or something else for the problem, takes away from those who are taking responsibility for themselves. Getting by with a third DUI, or verbally abusing your spouse, being excused for being late to work for the fourth time because of one's "disease" all contribute to the continuation of the stigma which many of us have been fighting for so long.

Addiction is a disease, and there are many avenues of recovery: mental, spiritual, medical, intellectual and philosophical. What they all have in common is they require a commitment to getting well and, more importantly, a determination to recover.

It is true that there are people with serious maladies that cannot be controlled by any means. My heart goes out to them. Fortunately, they are few and far between and the medical profession is working hard to find answers for them.

Abby, I want to reinforce your dedication to promoting personal responsibility. It is desperately needed! -- ROBERTA MEYER, FORMER PRESIDENT, NATIONAL COUNCIL ON ALCOHOL AND DRUG DEPENDENCE -- CALIFORNIA

DEAR ROBERTA: Your letter contains many important truths, and thank you for taking the time to write. As I have said in columns past, the first step in solving a problem is admitting there is one and deciding to do something about it. The same is true for addiction. That's why 12-step programs are so effective. In these programs, people gain emotional support from others who are traveling the same path to recovery.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 70s and have been married five years. I don't understand his telling me that the reason we don't have sex is because I always have too many clothes on. He says it's too much trouble.

I wear normal clothing, and I undress for the occasion. What am I not understanding about his thoughts on this subject? -- CONFUSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFUSED: I suspect your husband may not be giving you a straight answer because he's embarrassed. When a man says sex is "too much trouble," it's usually because he's having trouble performing. The problem may be his sex drive has diminished or it could be physical. But it won't be resolved unless he's willing to have a frank conversation about it with his doctor. For your sake, urge him to do it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teenage girl who is frustrated with my family. I am the middle child, and it seems like my parents prefer my brother and sister over me. I am constantly in trouble for things they have done, and my parents are aware that they did.

When I try to express my feelings, nobody will listen. Several times I have almost committed suicide or run away. I am lost and I don't know what to do. Please help me. -- NOWHERE IN INDIANA

DEAR NOWHERE: When a person cries out in pain and feels she (or he) isn't heard, it can be doubly painful. But suicide or running away is not the answer. What you need to do is explain to an adult -- an aunt, uncle, school counselor or close family friend -- how you are feeling, so that person can intercede on your behalf with your parents, who may not realize what they're doing and the effect it's having on you.

DEAR ABBY: How long is too long to wait when it comes to hearing the highly anticipated phrase, "I love you"? My boyfriend and I have been dating for eight months. We have been through a lot together during this time, and his actions suggest that he loves me. When I finally asked him why he hasn't said it to me, he said, "Why haven't you said it?" "I want it to happen naturally," and, "Just be patient with me."

We get along amazingly well. We have a wonderful time every time we see each other (which is almost every day), and he has told me he can see a future with me. Am I wrong for thinking I deserve to hear the "L" word at this point, or am I rushing things? I don't understand why he is so reluctant to say it, and his reluctance makes me think maybe he just doesn't love me. -- STILL WAITING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STILL WAITING: Not all men are comfortable expressing their emotions verbally. Actions speak louder than words. Many men have told women they "love" them, only to have their behavior prove otherwise.

That your boyfriend has given you three different answers to your question indicates to me that you may have been pushing him to say it. I would caution you against that because it could push him away. Hearing the words "I love you" isn't something a person "deserves." It's important that the words be genuine.

DEAR ABBY: When I approach someone to hug, is there a correct side to go for? Does a relative or friend have a bearing on your choice, or does it matter if it's a man or woman or how well you know them? Is the left side as good as the right side? -- WHICH SIDE? IN OHIO

DEAR WHICH SIDE: Hugging anyone you don't know well is a mistake because some people have an aversion to intimate contact with strangers. That said, I don't think it matters a lot which side you "go for" -- although I have heard some people bear to the left because that way their hearts are closer together. Personally, I tend to feint to the left because I'm left-handed -- but that's just me.