DEAR ABBY: I had an awful childhood. After I was finally taken into state custody, I cycled through six different foster homes. Because of it I have struggled with mental health issues for as long as I can remember.

I'm 28 now and have a 4-year-old daughter who is everything to me. The problem is, I'm terrified of strangers. As a child I saw firsthand how evil people can be, and I am almost paralyzed with fear because of my hyper-vigilance. I fight the battle every day.

I am in counseling and I'm trying, but I am afraid I am going to make my daughter fear the world. She's in Head Start and loves it. Anyone who meets her comments on how happy and outgoing she is, but I don't know how to walk the tightrope between keeping her safe and making her afraid. Any advice would be appreciated. -- TERRIFIED OF STRANGERS

DEAR TERRIFIED: Considering your past, I think you're being a wonderful mother. You are getting professional help and for that I applaud you. You are realistic about your issues, and your daughter appears to be thriving.

You may need counseling for some time to avoid becoming overprotective and to allow your daughter to develop into a healthy adult. While your fears are the result of your history, they do not have to become a part of hers.

DEAR ABBY: As I was going through my gallery of pictures in my cellphone, I stumbled upon some naked pictures of my ex-boyfriend. What should I do with them? -- SAY "CHEESE"

DEAR "CHEESE": Do the same thing with them that you would hope he did with the naked pictures he has of you.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in the lap of luxury at a private country club in the East. My father was the golf pro. In my teens I noticed that these wealthy people always introduced one acquaintance to another whenever they met for a chat. I also noticed that my lower-income friends and family never did.

After moving across the country to the West Coast as an adult, I have noticed that nobody -- rich or poor -- seems to go out of their way to introduce a new face to others in the room. What would you say accounts for this? -- DONNA IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR DONNA: A person can't do what he or she hasn't been taught. During the 1960s, many parents stopped teaching their children social refinements like the one you describe. The result has been a lack of sensitivity in social interactions, and it is evident in more ways than this one.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago I began using a name other than my given name. It's one I made up and used during pretend games when I was a child, so it's personally significant.

A friend recently told me that because it is a common Japanese name, it is culturally inappropriate for me to use it because I am not Asian. It is also a name in Hebrew, German and Ancient Egyptian, as I recently learned. Is it wrong for me to use the name? -- THE NEW "ME" IN COLORADO

DEAR NEW "ME": No, it's not. You can call yourself any name you wish. Many parents have given their child a name from another culture because they liked the sound of it, and you don't have to make any apologies for changing yours.

DEAR ABBY: What are the ethics in outing a cheater? Someone I know has been cheated on by her boyfriend for two years -- about as long as she has been with him. I know this because the woman he has been cheating with is someone I know.

Last week, I told the girl her boyfriend has been cheating. Now I am suddenly a pariah and outcast. I felt she had the right to know, but was I wrong? Should I not have told her? -- ANNOYED IN CHICAGO

DEAR ANNOYED: In this age of social diseases, I don't think it's wrong to tell someone that a boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating so he or she can be tested. However, as you have discovered, doing it is risky.

There's a saying, "Don't shoot the messenger," that's been around forever. It implies that a person who delivers unwelcome news will be blamed for it. While you and I would want to be told that we were being betrayed, obviously, your former friend didn't, which is why you're being punished.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I live in a duplex. We manage it, live in the lower unit and have three tenants upstairs.

One of them, whose bedroom is directly above ours, recently got a girlfriend. Aside from some loud video game- playing, he was always the quietest guy and has never been disruptive. But since he and this girl got together, they have been disturbing the entire house with their noisy lovemaking. It starts with a few bangs against the wall that become constant, and then the screams start.

I have no idea how to approach this respectfully and professionally. Please give me your thoughts. -- BOTHERED IN BOZEMAN, MONT.

DEAR BOTHERED: Write the tenant a short letter explaining that there is now a noise problem that didn't exist before. Explain that the screams of ecstasy have awakened you and your boyfriend more than once, and ask him to "lower the volume." If an accommodation can't be reached, the lovebirds might want to consider moving to a place of their own.

DEAR ABBY: I have been frugal all my life. I have managed to accumulate a cushion should I become ill or need money for emergencies.

My oldest daughter is the exact opposite. She makes stupid financial decisions and has lost thousands of dollars. She recently called, begging me to get her out of a financial jam she has gotten herself into. I refused because the amount she needs would cost me almost all of my savings.

Now my other children have stopped speaking to me. They say I should give her the money. What are your thoughts on this? -- PRUDENT MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR PRUDENT MOM: My thoughts are the same as yours. If your other children are determined that their sister should be bailed out, then they should pool their money and give it to her. But for you to give her your life savings with no guarantee that it will be repaid would be a bad financial decision on your part. I hope you won't allow yourself to be blackmailed into what could literally be sacrificing your future.

DEAR ABBY: I co-own a professional service business with a woman whose appearance has deteriorated significantly over the last three or four years. "Mary" was never a fashion plate, but she used to be presentable for business.

Four years ago, she put on quite a bit of weight. She refuses to buy new clothes until she loses it, but she makes no real attempt to do so.

Mary wears the same three pair of baggy pants to the office day after day. She does have two "good" outfits she will wear to see clients, but even those are threadbare. I dread the idea of a client dropping in and seeing Mary in her normal state, especially since she takes her shoes off at the office because her feet swell.

She has become an embarrassment. How do you think I should handle this? -- IMAGE IS EVERYTHING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IMAGE IS EVERYTHING: If clients haven't dropped in during the last four years, they are not likely to start coming in droves. However, your partner should look her best when she calls on clients, and she should not represent the business looking "threadbare." You should handle this by addressing this part of the problem only. Unless you dress for the office looking like a page out of Vogue, let the woman be comfortable.

P.S. I take my shoes off at the office because I see no reason to wear 6-inch stilettos while my feet are under my desk. If someone comes in, I put them back on. That's what your partner should do if the need arises.

DEAR ABBY: I have been estranged from my family for many years. It was a decision I thought long and hard about, and I have no regrets. It was one of the wisest decisions I have ever made, and it helped me to maintain my mental and physical health.

I recently had a baby, and my family has been sending me gifts. In the past, I have returned them all, but I feel torn under these circumstances because the gifts are not for me, but for my child. Normally, I would write thank-you cards for such things, but in this case I don't want to mislead anyone or set a precedent that such things are welcome.

Please tell me how I should delicately handle this. There is no hope for reconciliation, and my child will not be having a relationship with any of these people. I don't want to hurt anyone; I just want to be left alone. -- ETIQUETTE-CHALLENGED

DEAR CHALLENGED: You have already cut your ties with these people. You do not plan to have a relationship with them, nor will your child. You are under no obligation to thank them for unwanted gifts, and your child will not be deprived if you send the gifts back. It appears this is an attempt by them to buy their way back into your life. The gifts should be returned unopened, with no comment.