DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl. When I'm with the high school group of kids at my church, I try to extend myself and talk, but they never reciprocate much. I always have to try to think of something to say and be careful I don't embarrass myself. Especially around guys, I feel awkward and self-conscious.

I feel OK about myself, but I still get nervous. Other girls find things to talk about to each other but not me, and guys never talk to me first, either. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or being too careful.

I'm an only child. I get along pretty well with adults, but I have a hard time with kids. I heard you have a booklet about these issues. If you think it might help me, how can I order it? -- UNPOPULAR IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR UNPOPULAR: Part of your problem may be that you're an only child, which can be isolating. If you spend most of your time with adults, it's understandable that you are less comfortable with people your own age. But don't let it stop you from trying to be friendly. If guys don't speak to you first, they're probably feeling as awkward as you are. To smile and say hello is not being pushy. My booklet "How to Be Popular" is filled with suggestions for polishing social skills. It covers a variety of social situations and is meant for people of all ages. To order, send your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. There are tips for becoming the kind of person other people find interesting, attractive and want to know better. (If parents, teachers and clergy know someone needing help in this regard, it might make an inexpensive gift that could help change the course of that person's life.)

The key to being well-liked by both sexes is: Be kind. Be honest. Be tactful. Don't be afraid to give someone a compliment if you think it's deserved. If you think you're not beautiful (or handsome), be well-groomed, tastefully dressed, conscious of your posture. (People who stand tall and smile project self-confidence.)

If you're not a "brain," try harder. If you are smarter than most, don't be a know-it-all. Ask other people what they think and encourage them to share their opinions. If you're not a good athlete, be a good sport.

Think for yourself, but respect the rules. Be generous with kind words and affectionate gestures, but respect yourself and your family values always. If you think "putting out" will make boys like you, forget it. (It won't work, and later you'll be glad you didn't.) If you need help, ask God. If you don't need anything, thank God!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old male, and I have no clue how to read women's subtle interest cues, if they ever display any. I'd like to think they have, given that I put in at least two days a week at the gym working with weights.

Since you are a woman, could you please be so kind as to give this man a clue what to look for? It's driving me nuts! -- AVAILABLE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR AVAILABLE: The most obvious clues that a woman finds you attractive are eye contact and a smile. That's your opening to make conversation. The rest is up to you!

DEAR ABBY: I am a full-time mother of three young children and have been married for nine years. Since the beginning, my husband has pushed to have things "his way." He struggles with his temper and has yelled at me over little things.

We have met with a counselor and were showing improvement in our marriage -- or so I thought -- until he started pushing me to watch explicit sex DVDs and read sex books. I feel very uncomfortable doing this. He claims he wants us to watch them for "educational reasons." He seems obsessed with the idea that we have to get the most out of life now because we are getting older.

I know we have some big issues to overcome and plan to continue seeing our counselor, but do you have any advice? -- STRUGGLING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRUGGLING: I'm all for getting the most out of life regardless of how old a person is. And I'm pleased that you and your husband are talking to a licensed therapist, because it may help to save your marriage.

Many couples watch "explicit" sex DVDs together because it improves their sex lives. Depending upon the content of the ones your husband is watching, it could add spice to your sex life. But because it is making you uncomfortable, this is something that should be discussed with your therapist so you won't feel coerced into anything you can't handle.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 60s. I take good care of myself and have been told I'm attractive. I have been in a monogamous relationship with "Frank" for six years. I love him and he loves me, but I'm not sure I want to marry him.

I know I couldn't live with Frank full-time because even though he's 57, he lives like an immature frat boy. He has sports memorabilia all over his house, and he's messy. There are piles of paper and stacks of clothes everywhere. He is a hoarder, a procrastinator and has OCD.

Frank and I are best friends. We have an amazing physical relationship, but I feel I want more. I don't think he's willing to change his ways at this point in his life. Should I accept this relationship for what it is, or look for someone more compatible with my lifestyle, as hard as that would be? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: I think you should have a talk with Frank and lay your cards on the table. You say he is a hoarder, a procrastinator and has OCD. If you are right, they may all be connected. His house isn't the only thing that may be chaotic; his mind may be, too.

The good news is there is help for OCD and hoarding -- but only if he is willing to get it. If he is open to it, your relationship could go to the next level. However, if he is resistant and marriage is what you want, it would be better to move on and find someone whose lifestyle is more like your own.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Offended Daughter" (Aug. 10), whose mother didn't like her lounging in a bikini top at her house because of her weight, was inconsiderate, irresponsible and, frankly, offensive. You started off well, advising her to consider her mother's preference because it's her house, but your second paragraph took a wrong turn.

You used your column to imply she should not feel comfortable in her own skin. You assumed her doctor thinks she's unhealthy, knowing nothing about her other than the fact she's 60 to 70 pounds more than "average." You assumed she was "complacent" and her weight is a problem, even though you do not have access to her medical history and are not a physician. That response serves no purpose other than to fat-shame "Offended Daughter."

Even if she is unhealthy, if she weighed two or three times what she does now, even if she lies around all day in that bikini eating potato chips and ice cream sundaes, she still deserves respect as a human being. She deserves advice without judgment. -- LINDA IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR LINDA: Thousands of readers in newspapers and online wrote to tell me how angry they were about my response to that letter, accusing me of "fat-shaming." If anyone was hurt by my reply, I sincerely apologize, because my remarks were not meant to be rude or disrespectful. When I called the young woman after that column ran to apologize if I had hurt her feelings and read her my response to her letter, she told me she was not offended.

When I answer questions, it is my responsibility to be honest and direct. As anyone who has read my column knows, I am not always politically correct. When I saw her statement that she was 60 to 70 pounds overweight -- which is obese -- and "comfortable in her own skin," my reaction was alarm. If she doesn't become proactive now, by the time she's 35 she could be far heavier.

Everyone knows the many health complications associated with obesity, so I won't list them. And while not everyone develops complications, in general, the greater a person's weight, the greater the likelihood of developing them. While losing weight may be challenging, as I know from personal experience, it's important to make beneficial lifestyle changes to promote healthy weight, just as it is important to have healthy self-esteem.

That young woman needs to have a frank talk with her doctor about what's causing her to be so heavy. I told her that when I talked to her. I also suggested it might be helpful to consult a nutritionist.

As to my comment about her mother, I strongly suspect what I said is true, and I'll stand by it until I hear from the woman telling me different.