DEAR ABBY: I have overheard a person who works as an aide at the local elementary school talking about the students -- discussing their special needs, behavioral issues, etc. I think it is appalling that she's relaying confidential information to others in the community. The rule for employees here is, "What happens in the school stays in the school."

I'm not sure what to do. I have heard from her too many times that it was "just an oversight" on her part. Should I let the parents of these students know, or make the school administrators aware of the situation? The people listening are, of course, just as guilty. Perhaps it's not my place to interfere; however, I find her behavior to be unprofessional, and she should not be working in such a setting.

If you publish this, I hope it will be all it takes to open someone's eyes and seal their lips. What do you think? -- BOILING OVER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR BOILING OVER: I'm printing your letter, but I doubt it will silence the wagging tongue of a gossip who uses confidential information to get attention. What you should do is inform the principal of the school and let him or her "seal the leak." If that doesn't work, you should inform the parents because they may want to take action. But don't jump the gun; go through channels first.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose son is in sales, and he asked to give me a presentation. My friend instructed me that I was under no obligation to purchase anything; he just needed to practice it. I complied and didn't buy anything he was pitching.

He has now contacted me again to do another presentation because he has changed companies and wants to "practice" again. I dislike sales pitches and I'm also very busy. Ordinarily, I would just say no. However, because he's my friend's son I am unsure how to respond. Can you give me any suggestions? -- ANONYMOUS OUT WEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you agreed previously, the young man may not realize that his asking again is an imposition. All you need to do is tell him that you are very busy. Then explain that you agreed the last time as a special favor to his parent, that you can't do it, but you wish him luck with the new company.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when the hostess at a club meeting won't tolerate shared information or food, but instead tells you to be quiet and listen only to her history, gripes and opinions? -- DUES PAYER, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR DUES PAYER: Before or after some of those meetings, have a chat with other club members. Find out if they, too, are being treated this way and, if they are, how they feel about it. If you are all dues-paying members and can vote, it may be possible to remove her as hostess. However, if you are the only person she does this with, you might be happier being involved in another organization where your contributions will be appreciated instead of stifled.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 14 and had a small party with relatives to celebrate it. A few days later my mom bought me thank-you cards and said I should send them out.

I told the people "thank you" for the gifts in person. I don't think thank-you cards are necessary for something as small as birthdays. Shouldn't they be reserved for things like weddings and baby showers?

Mom and I are anxious to see your answer. -- NO THANK-YOU

DEAR NO THANK-YOU: Listen to your mother because she's trying to tell you something important. When people do something nice for you -- such as give you a birthday or Christmas gift -- their thoughtfulness and generosity should be acknowledged with a written thank-you. It's not a waste of your time.

People are inclined to be more generous to those who show their appreciation, as you will learn in many situations as time passes.

DEAR ABBY: My sister has a 1-year-old baby boy we all adore. He is a cute little guy. My sister is understandably proud, but sometimes I feel it goes too far.

She sends pictures of him with captions like, "Cutest Baby Ever," or "He's the BEST!" She dresses him in shirts that say, "FAVORITE" or "The Greatest."

I feel it is rude to other parents and insensitive to other kids because it implies that other people's children don't measure up. Also, there are some adorable little cousins living in the same household as the "perfect" baby.

We all have attractive children, but not all of us feel the need to put others down in order to compliment our offspring. Am I overly sensitive, or is my sister tactless? -- IDAHO AUNTIE

DEAR IDAHO AUNTIE: Your sister is over-the-moon about her baby boy. Shirts like this for toddlers are very common. The children in that household are probably too young to read what's printed on the T-shirts and feel slighted, so simmer down and don't take it personally.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago we were given a very expensive dining room set by relatives. No one else in the family wanted it, and we took it because our dining room pieces were old.

Now we would like to sell this set and buy something less formal and more comfortable. Do we have any obligation to the original owners? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: If the dining room set was "lent" to you by the relatives, you should consult them. However, if it was given to you, then you have no obligation to do so and you may dispose of it as you wish.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay male college student who is out and comfortable with who I am -- 99 percent of the time. When I was in high school, I tried to come out to my parents and it didn't go smoothly. They had an emotional crisis for a day, then shrugged it off as "just another teenage phase." After the panic mode was over, they bought me off with an expensive car and continued believing I'm straight.

I make no attempt to hide who I am because I expect to be treated the same, regardless. But it's awkward whenever I am asked by either parent, "Do you have a girlfriend?" or, "How are you doing with the ladies?"

Do you have any advice on what I should say in response, given my parents' emotional reaction? -- IT'S WHO I AM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WHO I AM: It is obvious that your parents are in denial. If you haven't told them again about your sexual orientation, you should.

If you are unable to summon up the words to tell them what they are waiting for isn't going to happen, then contact PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays -- pflag.org), not only for your own sake, but also for theirs. In light of your parents' reaction the last time you leveled with them, they may need emotional support to accept that you are gay, and PFLAG can provide it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for a year. We dated for four years before the wedding, and we have a son together. The child and I have never met any of my husband's immediate family. I have never spoken to any of them over the phone, either.

He has met all of my family members. I have asked repeatedly to meet his, and he tells me he's planning a family trip to visit. He seemed annoyed when I brought it up. What should I do? -- LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEFT OUT: That you have had no contact with these people in the five years you've been in the picture is, frankly, beyond strange. It appears there may be some things your husband hasn't told you. He may be ashamed of his family, on the outs with them, or they were never told about his involvement with you and/or the existence of their grandchild.

Because you have now been a member of their family for a year, pick up the phone, call your in-laws and introduce yourself.

DEAR ABBY: Please help to settle a debate between my husband and me. Is it all right for a woman to give relationship advice to her friend?

I have a friend who is struggling in her relationship, and I have tried to help with advice I feel is appropriate and positive. Is this wrong, or should I stay out of it like my husband suggests? -- GOOD FRIEND IN TEXAS

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: Part of female friendship is sharing experiences and advice with each other. However, remember that if your friend is "struggling" in this relationship, in the final analysis, she's going to have to resolve the problems herself. If she is unable to do that without coming back to you again and again, then her relationship probably won't last in spite of your best efforts.