DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 13 years, and I'm beginning to wonder if my husband still wants to be with me. He gets home before I do and stays in his room watching TV and piddling around on the computer. He never comes out to say hello when I get home; I go in there and greet him. He comes out when I have dinner fixed and then returns to his room.
I understand the "man cave" thing. Everyone needs their time and space, but this has become an everyday routine. I have tried to tell him I feel ignored. The next night he'll come into the living room and watch TV with me, but I feel he's doing it only because he feels he should, not because he wants to.
Is this my clue that he doesn't care about sharing time with me anymore? I don't want to beg for his attention. -- LONELY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR LONELY: It appears that way. You refer to the room in which your husband watches TV and uses his computer as "his" room and not a den. Does he also sleep in there? If that's the case, and the only time you spend together is at the dinner table, your marriage is in suspended animation.
If what he's watching on television or his computer has become a substitute for having a relationship with you -- and that's what it appears -- you need to find out what happened to the intimacy you once shared. What you have described is a platonic roommate relationship and not a healthy marriage.
If you want to change the dynamics, you are going to have to have some serious conversations with your husband about what your needs are, and also his. Start now.