DEAR ABBY: I'm in desperate need of help. I have been with my girlfriend for four years. With every long-term relationship, there are bound to be issues. I haven't felt loved by her in a long time, and I think I have fallen out of love with her. I can't even tell her that I love her anymore because I don't want to lie.
When we make love, it's dull and boring. I want to feel the way I used to about her. When I was near her, my hairs used to stand up, my heart would race, my body would quiver and I would never want to let her go. How can I feel that way about her again? -- WANTS THAT OLD FEELING
DEAR WANTS: The problem with relationships is that they can only be brand-new once. With the passage of time, to some extent the excitement fades. That's where the "work" comes in.
Longtime couples must make an effort to keep their relationship fresh and exciting. This means introducing spontaneity and new experiences to each other.
You say you haven't felt loved by her in a long time. My advice would be to talk to her about it. Because you can't bring yourself to tell her you love her, has it occurred to you that she might feel as though she has been emotionally abandoned by you?
If you want that old feeling back, you and your lady will need to resume communication on a meaningful level. It's not always easy, but honesty can revive a relationship that's wilting.