DEAR ABBY: I am sick to death of hearing about people who have too many kids and the hardship it imposes. Common sense for the women is to use birth control, but why don't men step up to the plate and have a vasectomy? I had one years ago and it has worked well for me.

I never hear it mentioned on talk shows or read it in any advice columns, including yours. Men of America, wake up! -- JOSEPH IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR JOSEPH: I'm sure the word "vasectomy" has been used in previous Dear Abby columns, but I'm glad to remind my male readers. While I have never taken a poll on this subject, I'll hazard a guess or two about why men are reluctant to have them:

One, they equate it with castration; two, they think at some point they might change their mind or their partner; and three, they're afraid it will be painful. Drumroll: For any men out there who are worried that some tragedy might wipe out your family and you will have to start over, sperm can be banked for up to 20 years and used should the need arise.

P.S. There are also more options open to women than the pill. These include IUDs and, if they're sure they want to be finished with childbearing, tubal ligation.

DEAR ABBY: I raised three kids in a normal household, putting them to bed between two sheets. Now my two younger ones no longer sleep between sheets, but wrapped up in a blanket on a sheetless mattress. One of them has children, and is passing the habit on to them.

The only thing I can conclude is that it's laziness, and I'm wondering where I went wrong. Has anyone else encountered this? -- TAKEN ABACK IN MISSOURI

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: People have varying sleep "styles." If, when your children lived with you, you taught them to launder their sheets and make their beds, then you didn't go wrong. (One can only hope they wash those blankets regularly.)

If possible, invite your grandchildren for sleepovers so they can experience how the "other half" lives. You would be doing them a favor because children can't learn what a parent hasn't taught them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old woman and lonely. I'm interested in a guy I have known for years. He's my older brother's friend, and we're only six years apart. When I expressed my interest in him, he politely let me know that he would not date me because of my brother.

Is there a secret code that I'm missing? Is it taboo for a man who is your older brother's friend to date the younger sibling? I am confused as to why it would matter since we are both adults. -- LONELY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LONELY: While it isn't "taboo" to date the sibling of a close friend, it can lead to complications if the relationship doesn't work out. Friendships have become strained or ended because of it.

Not knowing the man you have your sights set on, I can't speculate whether the reason he gave you was the truth. It could also be that the feelings you have for him are not reciprocated, but regardless -- now that you know he isn't interested, it's time to look elsewhere for someone to assuage your loneliness.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is 80 and in the early stages of Alzheimer's. She lives alone an hour and a half from us. She also has a professional who takes care of her once a week. My husband, "Fred," goes to help and entertain her every weekend, and I sometimes accompany him. She has enough money to stay in an assisted living facility, but Fred wants to build a mother-in-law apartment for her on our property.

Abby, I don't like her. She was a bully when she was younger, and she's still manipulative. She has made some comments about me hitting her, which never happened. Of course, Fred believed me. If she lives with us, I will be her main caregiver because I have a home-based business and a flexible schedule.

I have already said no to Fred's idea, but I don't want to be the bad guy. His two brothers live states away and don't want to be involved because of the way their mother treated them during their teens. Fred is the only son willing to overlook past issues and has made peace with her.

Could you help me to sort this out? -- THREE'S A CROWD IN MARYLAND

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: I'll try. Caring for someone who has Alzheimer's disease is a full-time job because the disease is progressive. While Fred's mother can live alone with the help of a professional once a week now, that will soon not be the case. She will become increasingly helpless and so confused that should an emergency arise in her apartment she will be unable to think sequentially enough to know what to do. She may no longer recognize who you are and become agitated and combative.

For these reasons your mother-in-law should be in an assisted living facility staffed with caregivers who have been trained to take care of people with Alzheimer's. Because you have a business to run, it can't be you. Since Fred has made peace with his mother, he should visit her often to ensure she is well-treated. But he should not expect the responsibility of caring for her to be yours because it is unrealistic.

DEAR ABBY: My wife likes to leave money hidden in the house or car as her little ATM. The problem is, one or both of our teenagers discover her stashes and the money disappears. We have had a family meeting about it, yet it continues. I have argued for years with her that part of the problem is leaving money around, not cleverly hidden.

My wife blames one kid who she wants to kick out, but what if it's the other? Now she's blaming me for not solving the problem. Yes, it's terrible, but she has fed the impulsiveness and refuses to change her ways. She wants us to be on the "same page," but that usually means her page. Any ideas? Family counseling? -- DAD IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR DAD: Your wife may want to place the blame on you, but there is more than one problem happening in your household. The first is her insistence on leaving money where it's tempting a teen (or two) who steals. Second, you don't know who is taking the money and what it's being used for. Third is your wife's idea that a quick fix would be to throw a dependent child out.

It may take the services of a licensed marriage counselor to mediate an agreement between the two of you to work cooperatively together. If your wife needs money, the only ATM she should use is one that's connected with your bank rather than the cookie jar. Your teens should both be tested for drugs and evaluated for emotional problems. After that, family counseling might help you all communicate more successfully with one another.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my husband got drunk and physically attacked me in front of his family. It was horrible. I was in shock, and our relationship never recovered.

The next four years were a series of court visits for custody of our child and eventually a divorce. Last year, his mother began requesting visits with our son. I was happy about it because I have tried to be accommodating to my ex and his family regarding our son.

Finally, late last year, I called my ex to ask if we could sit down and discuss our son (something we had never done). We have met twice during the last two weeks, and each time had long conversations about everything. (Our son, our past, our relationship.) Many misconceptions were cleared up, and it's obvious that we both have made many necessary changes within ourselves.

Now I'm confused about what comes next. Speaking with him has brought back so many feelings. Prior to the attack, our stress levels had been high and our communication was terrible, but there had been no physical violence. I'm not sure if this is the universe giving us an opportunity to give the family we started another chance. Should we start over? -- WAVERING IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAVERING: What comes next might be that you and your ex can become good friends and parent your son in a congenial, cooperative fashion. What comes next might be that you rekindle your romance. Or it might be that you get back together and he assaults you again.

If your ex has sought help for his drinking and anger management issues, a reconciliation could work out beautifully. However, if he hasn't, I certainly wouldn't recommend it. Sometimes people can care deeply about each other, but shouldn't be married.

DEAR ABBY: My 95-year-old mom feels that her age "entitles" her to speak without a filter, and she has become totally intolerant and critical. She is mentally sharp and highly intelligent, which makes her nasty comments even more hurtful to family and friends.

Standing up to her isn't an option because of her age and she knows it. She doesn't seem to recognize how damaging her attitude has become to those who love her. If you could print this and offer some advice, she might recognize herself. -- A LOVING SON

DEAR LOVING SON: The fact that someone has celebrated 95 birthdays does not give the person license to be deliberately unkind to others. Negativity is an unattractive trait, regardless of how old you are. People who deliberately say hurtful things invariably find the circle of those who want to be around them shrinking.

My advice to your mother would be, before opening her mouth, ask herself whether what she has to say is true, helpful and kind. And if it isn't all three, she should rephrase her comment or not say it at all.

DEAR ABBY: What does one say to casual acquaintances who stop by uninvited and with no prior phone call? -- NANCY IN AURORA, COLO.

DEAR NANCY: Let me tell you first what one doesn't say. It's "Come in!" It is perfectly acceptable to explain that the person caught you in the middle of your housework or a project you need to finish and, please, in the future to call before dropping by so you can make some plans together.