DEAR ABBY: I am being married later this year, and I'm planning my guest list. My cousin "Emily" has five young children who I'm making an exception to invite. She lives across the country, so she's starting to book her plane reservations.

Emily just announced that she's being remarried and her fiance has three children he shares joint custody of. Am I obligated to invite three children I have never met? This is causing a lot of grief between me and my fiance because Emily assumes that they are all welcome. Please advise. -- D.C. IN NYC

DEAR D.C.: Call Cousin Emily. Explain that your guest list is limited and that her five children -- to whom you are related -- are the exceptions. No other children have been invited to the wedding, and you would prefer to get to know her fiance's children under less stressful circumstances.

Emily's wrong to assume she can include anyone whose name wasn't on her wedding invitation. The children can stay with their mother or grandparents during the time their father will be away.

DEAR ABBY: My husband prefers leftovers to sandwiches for his work lunch. He generally takes them in reusable plastic bowls that claim to be dishwasher and microwave safe.

After a short time, these bowls become terribly stained. Not only are they unsightly, but sometimes they harbor odors. Even though they have been thoroughly washed, they seem unclean. We have noticed this happens more often with tomato-based food like spaghetti or barbecue.

I have tried soaking the bowls overnight in dishwashing detergent and even using a small amount of bleach, but the stains remain. Is there a way to remove the stains and odors, or must I continue to buy new bowls and throw the stained ones out? -- BOWLED OVER IN ALABAMA

DEAR BOWLED OVER: According to "Haley's Hints," by Graham and Rosemary Haley (New American Library), if you soak the bowls and lids in cold water for five minutes or more before putting the leftovers into them, you can prevent the staining from happening. And the odors can be removed by placing crumpled newspaper inside them and putting the tops on before storing them. (This is also an effective way to deodorize shoes.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter just got remarried to a man who has a 10-year-old son. I don't know the boy at all. What is the appropriate name he should call me? My daughter already has two boys from her first marriage and they, of course, call me Grandma. I don't feel comfortable having her new stepson call me Grandma. Any suggestions? -- NAMELESS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NAMELESS: Is your heart really so closed that you would tell that boy he isn't welcome in it? I urge you to be more accepting of this child, or you may get a name that isn't fit for a family newspaper -- and not only will the boy be using it, but also his father.

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to the love of my life. I can't imagine loving a man more than I love "Wayne," and I know he feels the same about me. The problem is, he's always telling stories about things he has done, including past relationships, in graphic detail.

I have heard all of them repeatedly, and I'm sick of them. When I tell him this he says, "Fine! I won't talk to you anymore." Wayne never talks about our past, present or future. How can I get him to stop reliving "the good ol' days" and start focusing on our life together? -- CURRENT EVENT IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CURRENT EVENT: Wayne may react defensively when you say you're "sick" of his stories because he feels you are criticizing him. Perhaps if you told him that hearing him dwell on past relationships is hurtful, he might be willing to enlarge his repertoire.

If that doesn't help, it's possible your husband feels his best years are behind him. Past conquests and adventures can be more fun to dwell on than the new lawnmower, the plumbing that needs replacement, which friends are sick and the most recent one who died. Things might improve if you work together to create activities that will spice up your lives and give him some new material. Try it. It might benefit you both.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Bob" for 12 years. He doesn't work and doesn't take care of our children because he says it's "not his responsibility." I have supported him all this time, yet nothing is good enough.

He has cheated on me several times. During his third affair, he had two kids with the other woman. He doesn't understand why I don't trust him and why I insist on seeing his cellphone. The last time I was able to get ahold of it, he broke down the bathroom door trying to get it back.

He threatens to move out, and if he does, that will be "the last I hear from him." I would be relieved if he went. I have so much anger toward him. I love him, but at this point love doesn't have anything to do with it.

I have asked him several times to leave, but he just keeps saying he'll be leaving on his own terms. I can't continue like this anymore. He brings out the worst in me and I hate it. What do I do? -- HAD IT IN PHOENIX

DEAR HAD IT: That you have tolerated this behavior for 12 years boggles my mind. Because this philandering freeloader has resided with you for so long, you may have to go through formal eviction proceedings to get rid of him. You have given him a free ride, and you may need the services of a lawyer to pry him out of there. If you do, consider it money well spent.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Self-Conscious in Georgia" (May 15), a young man who is insecure about the scar from his heart surgery. I have had three surgeries for congenital defects, my first at 2 years old. Because many women's fashions expose the upper chest, I applied anti-scar products, which greatly reduced the size and color of my scars.

Swimwear lines have sun-blocking swim shirts that are quick-drying and comfortable. At the beach, "Self-Conscious" could wear a beach-themed T-shirt and say he is reducing his sun exposure, which is a good idea these days.

As to anyone protesting his not going shirtless, true friends accept your choices, no matter the circumstances. They won't call you out for not following the herd.

And another thing: The young man might benefit from a cardiac support group to lessen his feelings of isolation or inadequacy. He suffered trauma that led to and created that scar. Now he deserves to be happy on his own terms. -- WAS THERE ONCE AND I'M STILL HERE

DEAR STILL HERE: Thank you for your comments. Readers were quick to offer messages of support to "Self-Conscious":

DEAR ABBY: I am a registered nurse. That scar can be faded by using pure cocoa butter (in stick form, not lotion). It can be purchased at the pharmacy.

I would also like to let him know that in this part of the country, survivors are known as members of the "Zipper Club." When I see patients with this scar, I know they have had open heart surgery. It alerts me to a whole realm of information before anything is said and directs how care is given in case of emergency. Please let "Self-Conscious" know his scar is not an eyesore, but a gift of life. -- PROUD R.N. IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: "Self-Conscious" might benefit from getting a tattoo. A recent TV program aired a segment showing women with mastectomies receiving amazing designs to cover or beautify their scars. With a good tattoo artist, these pieces can be life-altering and the artwork stunning. -- JANET IN ANNAPOLIS, MD.

DEAR ABBY: I broke my ankle a few years ago. A wonderful surgeon and a fantastic physical therapist got me walking again, but I was left with several large, raised scars. I put wheat germ oil (full of vitamin E) on them in the morning and evening, and they are barely visible now. -- ONLINE READER IN ISRAEL

DEAR ABBY: For many years I dated a young man with a similar scar, and it was something I found endearing. To me, it was no different than freckles or a birthmark. It was part of what made him unique. We all have our stories and history. His scar is an opening to share his. -- ROSE IN NORTHAMPTON, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: I have a young friend who had open-heart surgery when she was a high school senior. On the night of her prom, she wore a strapless dress with her "red badge of courage" on full display. -- SANDRA IN ROCHESTER, N.H.